Last night, Mr. Rilch once again had a near-miss because he was struggling to fasten his seat belt and drive at the same time.
And he won’t. fucking. listen to me when I tell him what I said in the thread title. He starts the motor, heads down the driveway or backs out of the parking space, then begins the epic struggle to insert the tab into the slot. (Please don’t make any sex jokes out of that. Thank you.) And he KNOWS that the seat tends to eat the tab holder, or whatever you call it, but he still tries to do two things, both of which require concentration, at once. And he gets all pissed off, and then gets pissed at me when I tell him he should have fastened the belt FIRST, and can’t understand why I’M fed up.
One time he made a left turn out of a parking lot and crossed an intersection at the same time he was fastening the belt. He claimed he didn’t want to miss the green. Is making the green worth his life? Or mine, if he falters enough for the truck to be sideswiped on my side? And last night he almost ran into the wall of the parking garage, cursing the seat belt the whole time.
I’ve really fucking had it. Not only driving carelessly, not only driving, even if only for “a few seconds” with his seat belt unfastened, but the growling and cursing, which further splinter his concentration…From now on, I’m just gonna have to speak up before he starts the engine. I really couldn’t stand it if he had an accident. Why doesn’t he fucking listen to me?
Rilchiam, if he reaches for the ignition key instead of the seatbelt next time you are going somewhere, grab your purse, and get out. Tell him you’re not going to get back in until he’s fastened up, PRIOR to starting the car. That will get the point across to him, that you are serious, and won’t ride with him if he isn’t more prudent. What he is doing is downright dangerous, and he’s not being rational in his refusal to be reasonable. Is he always so stubborn and irrational? How has such an issue of safety become such a sticking point, such a point of honor and pride with him? Does he find it hard to admit when he’s mistaken?
Xploder I’m uncertain if this is an urban legend or not, but it sounds about right for this state. I’ve been told that people preparing to leave a club late at night have been ticketed for starting the car before buckling up, and they had to submit to a sobriety test too. One of the “mottos” Kansas has is “Click it, or Ticket”. Front seat passangers MUST have a seatbelt on, if not, the passanger is given a ticket, not the driver.
Yes, the driver of a vehicle must also have their seatbelt fastened in Kansas, and there is a law that children up to age four must be in a carseat, and in a seatbelt from four to fourteen. A law stating that children from the age of four to eight must be in a booster seat was not passed.
I understand how both of you feel. My theory too is ‘get moving and then get the seat belt buckled.’ Buckling takes two hands for me too, because the seat cushions seem to eat the slot thingy, but somehow I’ve had lots of practice steering with my knee, so it’s always gone well for me so far and dammit that’s the way I’m going to do it until I’m convinced otherwise would be better.
As to why your husband “won’t listen” to you–well, have you ever known anyone who always nagged you about the same thing? Not that what you’re doing is nagging, because I know you mean well, but if you’d experienced this in your younger years, as your husband might have, perhaps you’d understand better.
I think the only thing that would ever really work in your situation would be Natural (Logical) Consequences. You’d have to leave the car and stay home at the right moment, when you see it’s happening again, with the simple (unemotional) explanation of fearing for your safety and not wanting to witness his misfortunes etc. If he really wants you with him, well … maybe you get what I mean. But you’d have to mean it, and not just be calling his bluff.
This was my first thought, too. Nagging/badgering/“reminding” will turn it into a no-win power struggle. He’s an adult, he’s going to do what he wants. You don’t have to be part of it.
Personally, I start, then buckle, most of the time - gotta get the a/c or heat going right away! Plus I play this little game where I try to get buckled before the “Fasten Seatbelt” chime goes off on its own. (I can’t believe I admitted that… :o )
In the summer, I start the ignition first, then I buckle up, and then I go. I have to get the air conditioning working as fast as I can, because it gets unbearably hot otherwise.
Husband does this, but usually gets his belt on as he’s going leaving the parking lot and going down the driveway. Pisses me off, especially since the parking lot is hidden behind our apartment building and you turn a blind corner to go down the driveway. One of these days, another tenant is going to be coming up this driveway, and since it’s uphill, they’re probably going to be going at a pretty good clip.
He’s been better about it lately. Before, he wouldn’t even wait for me to get my seatbelt on before he started moving. He seems to think the odds of having an accident are slim. I pointed out: it’s not just about the fact that we would not longer have a car or be able to afford insurance in our province, or that he might get hurt, or that I might get hurt - I’m pregnant. Does he really not care about his child? He’s been driving much more carefully all around ever since.
FWIW, when I took Driver’s Ed many years ago, we were taught to put on seatbelt, then start motor. I wouldn’t have a huge problem with starting the vehicle first, provided it remained in Park.
MizQuirk, remind me never to ride with you. The something that would convince you otherwise would be better might involve flashing lights.
And no, MQ and FCM, I do not constantly nag him about the same thing. I don’t often nag about anything. Zabali, he is easily aggravated, but normally, I just let his frustration run its course. He’s reasonable when the first wave has receded. It’s just that in this instance, I’m not going to hold my tongue, because there’s an immediate danger. This has actually only happened a couple of times, but even once is one time too many, IYAM.
Cyros, crimeny! At least I’m not pregnant! But as I’ve been telling him, he needs his truck for work, and if it gets smashed up, he is screwed.
As I said in the OP, I’m going to try saying, “Why don’t you fasten your belt first?”, like a suggestion, not a nag, before he starts the motor. If he balks at that, I’ll remind him of what I said about the truck. And about the fact that he knows the seat belt is a PITA, so why not get the fastening out of the way first?
Point him to that Darwin Awards web site and tell him you do not want him to become a starring attraction! If good sense won’t get him to change his ways, maybe the potential embarassment will!
I’ve always done the same thing the OP does – buckle up, then start the engine. I also look on it as a way to save maybe a drop or two of gas; I don’t start actually burning fuel until I need to use it. I know, the amount is negligible, but it’s the principle of the thing.
That’s what I do all year round, because in the winter I want the heat on as fast as possible. I bet the OP’s husband flushes the toilet before he’s finished peeing too.
So if I understand you correctly, you feel it’s pretty much OK to divert at least some of your attention while driving to doing something you could easily have done before you started moving? And that you steer with your (I assume) opposable thumbless knee? Further, you dimly recognize that this is relatively unsafe? But that there will be no changing of this behaviour “until you’re convinced otherwise would be better.”? Have I got the gist of that? Have I gleaned it quite accurately?
I do this, too. My driver’s ed instructor told us to do it that way. His explanation was that if one of us were in an empty parking lot at night, it’s better to be able to run over the asshole trying to get at us than to be distracted by the buckle, get caught by surprise, and waste more precious seconds trying to start the car to get away.
Well, I talked to him, and since we weren’t in the situation, he did agree with me that it’s not safe to do it his way, and that he would indeed be screwed if anything happened to the truck. Not to mention that, since it’s the end of the month, the local cops are eager to fufill their ticket quotas.
He’s out at a meeting right now. I can’t see the carport from the front door, so I don’t know what he did before backing out, but I hope he was sensible!
Because first you say it, then you do it!
[/Bill Cosby]
My “Fasten Seat Belts” alarm starts ringing as soon as I start the car. It’s a very annoying little alarm that I hate hearing so I always buckle before starting the car.
P.S. I can’t flipping believe this flipping Thread was moved out of the mother-flipping Pit. What the flip???
(Self-censored for MPSIMS.)
The only time I don’t buckle up first is if I have to reverse out and need to turn around to see where I am going. If that’s the case then after reversing I put the car in neutral, my foot on the brake and buckle up, rather than hobble off trying to driver and buckle at the same time.
