If this was twenty years ago, I’d be gone by now.
You are so right!! So, so right!!
Thing is he already knows. He loves to get his digs in, make snide remarks, talk to another person about me in front of me. (He does this by not mentioning my name but by talking about the specifics of something I am involved in and somehow working my part in it without mentioning my name. It’s an art form.)
He’s really bad.
Well - we telecommute, so its not always there. So that is a plus. I know the situation can’t be salvaged, but I rather not do anything to overt or aggressive. He freaks out at the slightest bit of assertiveness of my part.
I think I’ll try to determine the general outlines of what annoys him, and stay away from that.
I am 3.5 years away from my pension, so that’s a consideration, too.
Thank you for the coping strategies - it may be too late for them now, but I will start implementing them.
That I already knew!
I am going to look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Thanks for sharing, it’s great to know I am not alone …
I am so with you on this. Last year, I took a job at a company that appeared to be perfect for the defense industry. The company did a lot of work in foreign relations type work that was of a nature that no politician would ever cut their program without cutting their own throat, so I felt like it was a growth area. They were also a small company that would get a number of set aside considerations for contracts. What I didn’t know when I took the job is that no one who held it before me had lasted more than six months. I lasted only two.
My boss did exactly what you described here, and was relentless about it. I heard from everyone in the office how much she was universally hated up and down the ranks of the company and that she was “just about to be fired”, which was the only thing that kept me going as long as I did. Unfortunately, the rumors were all wrong, and she continues to get her way and leave bodies in her wake everywhere she goes, as I still keep tabs on the company. I did everything she asked when she asked it and was told by all my co-workers the quality of work I did was far better than any of my predecessors, which only seemed to make her angry. I tried every strategy I could think of, including being proactive and guessing what she would want next, which also made her angry because I was “stepping on her toes”. Finally I just resolved myself to do what she asked and accept that she hated me (and everyone else) and perhaps this was just her flawed personality. I even knew when the end was near because she did the same thing to me she did with others. She asked for a Herculean task to be completed in a very short amount of time with the hopes I would be unable to do it, which would give her an excuse to fire me. I did the task, was still nitpicked for it at every stage, and was still ‘laid off’. I was very honest with the HR department when this happened and simply asked “If you have one person who hires and fires everyone they work with multiple times a year, which do you think is more likely - that you made 20 bad hires in a row, or that maybe the boss is the problem?”
As was stated before, HR is not your friend. She is still there and still firing people all the time. I can only hope I’m in a position one day to repay her that favor.
I was in a similar position, and I realized that I had to either outlast my boss at the job, or find another job. Quite pleased, I was, when I found another job, and told that jackass about it. I’m not advising that you quit your job; but it’s generally less stressful to look for a job while you currently have one, IMO. Best wishes.
I’m sorry to say that, but the only thing that worked in a somewhat similar situation was getting another job (within the same organization in my case).
As for being strong enough? In fact it reached such a point that it wasn’t possible anymore for us to work together. At all. We simply couldn’t be in the same place at the same time. I then hit very high in the food chain to complain which made it an issue for my boss’ boss, my boss’boss’boss and more importantly in this case my boss’boss’boss’boss. I was moved elsewhere, to my delight. Note, though, that I had some ammunitions (the person in question had other work-related problems besides not liking me). And unfortunately, in most cases, such a thing won’t be possible or won’t turn well for you.
But yes, it can break you (never had such a work experience in my life). There’s no way IMO to solve such an issue. It won’t change. It will only become worse and you’ll only become less able to handle your day-to-day work or even your day-to-day life. No effort on your side will improve the situation. At least, of course, in my experience.
IMHO, you should concentrate on getting the hell out of there, regardless how difficult or inconvenient.
Well. Two things helped me a little. Most importantly occasionally working with people who understood the situation. Being able to vent within the workplace helps.
To a more limited extent being more detached. Not easy at all, I know, but in some instances the situation became so fucked up it was just plain laughable. I couldn’t take it seriously at times. And it helped me to detach myself from the problem. I would went on with my routine and mostly ignore the unpleasant interactions as if I wasn’t concerned.
Difficult to pull out, but if getting another job isn’t an option, then I would try that. Do my work and totally ignore the problem as if it wasn’t any of my concern or just some random, unavoidable unpleasantness like bad weather or a noisy neighbour. It won’t make your days pleasant, but it might make them bearable.
msmith537 said “get a new boss” and he is right on the money. Would it be possible to get a new boss in your company, by moving? Can you connect to some other managers, or maybe even some other people? And, can you network with some people in your company or other companies in departments like yours?
I had one really bad boss. It wasn’t just me - in the 15 months I was there 15 of the 16 managers who reported to him left his group. I managed to get an offer of a transfer from another group, one I had worked with, but he killed it. So I networked and got another job, a great one, at a place where I still work. I wasn’t quite 50, I was 45, so it is possible. My connection wasn’t even traditional - it was a neighbor who was a good friend of an HR person who worked with a director who was looking for someone just like me. (A rare instance of HR actually being your friend.)
I assure you, the process of networking and looking for a job will make your current position much easier to stand. And it is definitely easier to find a job when you have one. And remember, assholes are assholes and it isn’t you who is the problem.