Most people just don’t get it, my daughter included. Though only two and a half she disapointed Daddy in a big way yesterday.
On impulse I brought a bag of marshmallows and after the Father’s day Barbecue we toasted them.
My father and I eat our marshmallows in the only approved way. We put them right into the flame so they catch fire, and then we let them burn. Right before they go out we jam the flaming cinder in our mouth. Only the outside is burned. The inside is melted and perfect, and the crisped outside is an interesting and subtle counterpoint.
My damn wife though has been having too much of an influence on my child. I kept trying to get her to set her marshmallow on fire, but she thoght it was a bad thing. The one time I pushed her stick into the flame while she wasn’t looking she started crying “No Daddy! No!”
Then she shook the stick and the flaming marshmallow flew right at me. Many of you will recall from your youth that the flaming marshmallow is like sugary napalm. My Dad claims he flashes back to Vietnam every time he lights one up.
The other thing that gives him Vietnam flashbacks is Chef Boy R D ravioli but that’s another story.
So, my Dad is sitting there staring at his flaming marshmallow reliving the Tet offensive while I’m putting my shirt out.
Both wife and daughter slowly toast their marshmallows to a golden brown before nibbling daintily at them.
Don’t they know? Don’t they understand?
Maybe if I showed them the flaming Shmore, they’d get it.
Fortunately for me I can ignite and consume half a dozen marshmallows in the time it takes them to toast one. My father an I attain revenge by getting 3/4 of the bag.
For gods sake, don’t try to make a flaming Ps’ork (graham, marshmallow, pulled pork, baked beans, and cole slaw.) Actually, and as far as I know, only lno and maegling have consumed one, but burning one of those might make it better. Hmmm…
Burnt sugar is about as “interesting and subtle” as burnt plastic. It’s carbon and hydrocarbon crap. Probably carcinogenic.
Toasted, OTOH, is so much better. I guess there’s still hydrocarbons in it, but, uh, in better proportions. Or something.
Aw, screw it. Anyway, it does take patience to properly toast a marshmallow to golden brown. That’s why you need a long stick that can hold 5 or 6 at a time.
I grew up the daughter of a fireman. Needless to say, flames of any sort were never approved in our household (we weren’t even allowed to put frosted Pop Tarts in the toaster, as it was deemed a “fire hazard”, but that’s a pit thread…) :rolleyes:
Which meant that I set those bad boys blazin’ any time Dear ol’ Dad’s back was turned.
Not only did I get my rebel jollies… it’s the only way to make a decent s’more.
So my advice to you, Scylla, is to try reverse psychology. Tell the wee one that setting marshmallows aflame is very very BAD, and the absolute WRONG way to do it!
Then give it about 10-12 years.
You’ll see an improvement in her marshmallow-toasting style, I promise.
Ah…flaming marshmallow’s…mmmm…the ONLY acceptable way to combine the marshmallw with flame. People who toast annoy me…I tried it once, and the marshmallow tasted the same, only slightly warm. What’s the point? Why go through all the effort? If you want 'em warm save yourself the trouble and humiliation and put the damn things in the mocrowacde. I like mine the REAL way: melted on the inside, with a nice, flakey, black crust. Sooooooo good.
(anyone who “toasts” marshmallow’s is nothing but a sissy man…or woman, depending. Unless you want to be a sissy man or woman, in that case you are something else.)
auntie em, the frosting in the pop tart causes a faster and higher flame, and a messier burned and dead toaster. i will not go into the details of how i know this. use your imagination and the following givens… 3am, 3 employees still at the office, an illegal toster, an employee (not present) who for some strange reason would bring a perfectly good lunch (plg) to work and never eat it, raiding the work fridge and finding numerous pgls that contained frosted pop tarts, a you know… dave barry once… reference, and a “what the hay, the building is sprinkled, can the cord reach the fire exit?”
the fire department is right across the street…
i’m a marshmallow toaster that sometimes will accidentally flame.
Flame sucks. Sorry, I think the real answer is that your daughter just doesn’t enjoy the taste of charcoal. I happen to agree with her. Burnt marshmallows taste like I’m having 1/4 charcoal briquette and 3/4 marshmallow. That’s not an “interesting and subtle flavor” to me. It tastes like crap. Golden brown for me.
I can’t believe that no one has mentioned this yet. Not only do you ignite the marshmellow, but to really bring out the flavor you should put that sucker out with beer and then eat it.
You’re supposed to toast them, then pull off the burnt layer and repeat (the winner is the person who manages the most repeats with a single marshmallow).
Once, while seriously jonesing for a toasted marshmallow I put one on a fork and held it over the lit gas burner on the stove. Being inside I tried to do the toasty thing, allowing it to get as dark as possible before hitting the flash point. Well, I watched as the spot on the underside of the mm turned gold, mustard, brown, dark brown and began smoking. I turned the fork 1/8 (pivoted about its long axis) and continued the process. The next thing I knew, the mm was no longer on the fork, but haddripped off and had globbed itself on the little fire ring on the stove. It was burning like hell.
With cat like reflexes, I grabbed a “not quite fire rated” dish towel and proceeded to beat the living hell out of the burning marshmallow thereby sending sticky globs of flaming goo and sparks all about the kitchen. Of course, the towel burst into flame.
Thinking quickly, I threw the towel on the floor to stomp on it to put out the flames. I hadn’t considered that I would have flaming bits of goo on my feet. Further, I hadn’t considered that I wasn’t wearing any shoes.
By this time the dish towel was completely engulfed in flames and I was unable to pick it up and toss it into the sink. So, while the towel and marshmallow did the Sterno thing, I filled a pan with water (took a while) and then poured it on the flaming towel thereby saving the house and all the people in it.
And slow toasting to a dark golden brown is the only way to go. If you do it right, the entire marshmallow is a gooey mess and the outside tastes just perfect.
