For Doper Men Only

I Have RDS

I’ve had difficulty sleeping for as long as I can remember.

Chronic insomnia has left me addled a good deal of the time. Indeed it exacerbates (heh…still sounds dirty) an unrelated mental disorder resulting sometimes in near-psychotic behavior. But at last, after a lengthy consultation with a young woman who works in a hospital sometimes, I have a diagnosis and, joy of joys, a reliable treatment! Amazingly enough, it seems that at least 90% of men suffer from RDS (Restless Dick Syndrome) needlessly and still go through life untreated.

Guys, diagnosis is very easy. Pleasant even. It consists of an initial consult involving a lengthy oral exam and several general flexibility tests followed by a nocturnal observation session interrupted by periodic tests and treatments to directly address the RDS symptoms. Unfortunately, this is considered a chronic condition and frequent treatments are required. Depending on your personal situation the treatment can be very expensive (upwards of $2,500/hr) or free of charge if you have a qualified in-home assistant. While self-treatment is possible, it is rarely effective in the long-term.

I have posted here before that I suffer from bipolar disorder, partly to explain some odd behavior but also to fight the stigma attached to that particular illness. And it is for similar reasons I am posting this here. Because I know there are others out there suffering from this terrible affliction. So please, fellow Doper Guys, get behind me here and share your RDS stories.

So does this manifest itself in feeling that there are ants crawling all over it, or something, as in those TV commercials for RLS drugs?

Will this be the csubject of discrete cartoon ads, aimed at selling drugs to the sufferers? Or will most opt for massage and therapy? Is that a stupid question, or what?

What I want to know is this: why are we getting behind you, and does this cure your version of RDS? :dubious:

I am not a guy, but here at Chateau Ujest, it is called DSB.
Dreaded Sperm Buildup.

I’m sure there are pills out there that can treat it, although it’s probably a bitch getting 'em through the little slit.

You’re probably safer behind him then in front of him. And certainly safer than having him behind you.

Hey Inigo. Let’s set up a therapy session real soon, eh? :wink:

I have heard that pasting a life-sized cut-out of a picture of Bea Arthur nude above your bed does wonders for keeping RDS in check.

Of course, in some isolated cases, this does lead to compulsive, fetish viewings of Golden Girls episodes.

I was self treating for RDS for a while, but now I have regular sessions with a massage therapist. The irony is, just before she treats me, the RDS gets much worse.

Damn it beaten by a woman!

Actually I thought it was Dead Sperm Buildup, but hey I’m no Doctor.

Thank God- a fellow RDS sufferer. I’ve been afflicted with RDS since my early teens, at a time when I was unable to acquire a suitable assistant and without adequate finances to pay for professional treatment. Thus began a lifelong process of learning the proper course of self-medication, which has varied somewhat throughout the years. I’ll discover a treatment method that will be reasonably effective for a period of time, however eventually the treatment will have to be modified.

Now that I have a personal, live-in assistant, my treatment options have greatly increased. I’ve also been surprised to learn that my RDS appears not to have diminished in intensity or frequency over the years.

To paraphrase;