Over the weekend I came into possession of the Veritas Velocity Vortex. Despite its name, this device is a bomb; the guy who builds these things just likes alliteration. Anyhoo – once detonated, the VVV will flood the Earth with subspace hypertachyonic radioactive nanites that will, for one year, compel all humans to speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Loki.
VVV Victims are not compelled to volunteer the truth; that is, they are not forced to expose every lie they have ever told. But once asked a question they are compelled to respond with the complete truth as they know it. Even staying silent is not an option; once the question is communicated, persons under the influence of the VVV must respond truthfully whether they want to or not. There’s a serum that can counteract the effects, of course, but I have the only stash and since one of the ingredients is unicorn semen and the whole stash is hidden – well, never mind that. The point is that you guys are screwed.
Even as we speak, the flying monkeys are loading it into the launch thingie. The VVV will be in orbit by 1300 CST and will explode a quarter hour later. By tomorrow morning, no one on Earth will be able to tell a lie. That’s if I press the button, anyway. But I worry that humanity, denied the surcease of deceit, may destroy itself before I have recouped my investment. If things go really bad , the VVV might even be a boon for the species.
Thoughts? Would losing the ability to lie be a good thing for the world, or a bad one?
Stage one: journalists start asking politicians every outrageous thing they can think of, and politicians confess and wreck their careers.
Stage two: right-wing journalists and left-wing journalists start asking each other outrageous questions, and lots of people in the media wreck their careers.
I have done my share of embarassing things, but offhand, I don’t thing I have done anything too damaging. I think I would come out ahead in the end.
On the other hand, Robert Heinlein once wrote, “If you really believe that honesty is always the best policy, try telling your best friends the unvarnished truth about what you think of their offspring.”
The Republican party finally shows it’s evil ambitions. The majority of it’s supporters are forced to admit that theya re really OK with that, as long as it lowers their taxes in the short term.
The true threat to marriage in America is revealed to be dishonorable men; many of whom are having sex with those they tried to prevent from marrying.
Skald has a complete breakdown when Barbara Walters prolongs the interview until his last does of serum wears off and then asks him on national television how he obtained the Unicorn Semen.
After an adjustment period, we are far better off, and begin to put the right people into the prisons.
Why, exactly, am I doing this interview? Oak or somebody will feel honor bound to shoot me in the face, and there’s no point in making myself a target.
But as to the origins of the serum, the unicorn semen was obtained in the time-honored fashion of shooting the unicorn in the back of the head (from at least a half-mile away) and using a cattle-prod to stimulate [del]its[/del] his testicles before rigor mortis or whatever sets in. It’s not like the Heavenly Steed wouldn’t impale me the second I came into view if I gave it the chance. The monoceros is an avatar of Christ, after all.
On the upside, women will quickly learn not to ask men if that outfit makes them look fat. Guys really hate that question, and absent Skald’s shennanigan’s, any guy that ever wants to see her naked again is going to say no, even if the outfit should come with an escort vehicle, flashing lights, and a “wide load” sign attached.
The vast majority of “holier-than-thou’s” have more skeletons in the closet than the Pirates of the Caribbean.
The Republican Party finally admits they want to go back to the glory days of the 1950’s where fat, white men ran the world and had all the money - and take away every single right of women and minorities, plus start shooting some nukes at any country that doesn’t toe the line.
Wall Street admits that stocks go up and down on a whim, and they base their info on rumors they heard at the hairdresser, and predictions from a Romanian psychic on 14th street.
The major broadcasting networks fess up and let us know they have five fat kid couch potatoes, aged 14-16, who have a high school GPA of 1.7, who determine which shows make it to the air. If they like them, they are a go - if they don’t like them, they are canceled.
Oil companies release documents showing that a gallon of gasoline costs them $.001 to produce, and that there really are unlimited reserves. Oh, and yes, they did indeed buy all the patents for cars that run on air and water. Oh, and yes, they do indeed own 51% of every car manufacturer company on earth.
The CIA and Interpol confess that they have been tracking and documenting every post on the SDMB, and everyone on this board is scheduled to be arrested within the next three weeks.
Big abuse potential by the police asking every random guy on the street about what crimes they did commit.
Lots of wrecked friendships and marriages. Nice people will stop asking people anything; nasty people will use it on others, until those retaliate.
Malcom in the Middle did this in one episode without the technobabble: somehow, an embarrassing secret of Reeves got inadvertently on the PA and everybody mocked him, so Malcolm swiped the files of the school psychiatrists and read everybody’s secrets over the PA. The next scene is everybody walking around looking at the ground, unable to face anybody else.
You’re far too naive. Politicans lying is old hat; journalists in the US, esp. those on extreme news, is nothing new either. People know that Fox lies because it’s been proven, that doesn’t stop the 30% or how many it is who like to watch.
You far, far underestimate the amount of self-denial and compartmentalizing people are able to. They start out telling a lie because it’s comfortable that they are true saints fighting against evil people who want to bring the US down, but they end up believing what they tell themselves. It’s affirmation psychology for bad, not good.
And how will that change anything? The white males who want that status to return will keep voting for them. See Joe the Plumber - he would profit now from the stimulus bill, but because he might get rich one day (when pigs fly) he’s against “taxing the rich”.
I think public figures would all have know-nothing go-betweens to read statements filled with the same lies they would have told in person. This would be in the name of national security, of course.
But I think that relationships among us proles would improve. Along with all the stress caused by knowing who hates our guts, we wouldn’t have to worry who was lying to us.
The only thing that might save humanity is that everybody is too tied up in divorce court to give the all the newly declared large-scale wars their best efforts.
In any case, I don’t see much changing. People know that others lie. They lie, too. Things will adjust to in a few weeks, especially since there are many ways of bending the truth without actually lying.
Huh? How? I mean Joe the Plumber who went on national TV during the last US election campaign on behalf of the Republicans against the stimulus bill, even though critics digging through his statements quickly found that he earned so little, he would profit from the stimulus bill.
He wasn’t rich, he hoped to become rich one day. Maybe the media attention or the pay-off from the Republicans made him moderately richer than before, but certainly not white fat old guy rich or richer than Croesus.
The advertising business would cease immediately. Since advertising pays for all of our news and indeed most of our entertainment, newscasting, TV and movies would also cease to exist overnight. Politicking as we’ve always known it would cease intantly.
My vote was for #1. Because advertising drives everything; advertising is inherently dishonest, thus without advertising dollars everything pretty much stops existing.
Advertising is not inherently dishonest. Papa John’s Pizza really is better than Pizza Slut because they use better ingredients. Advertising for crappy products will be in trouble. And even then you can use misdirection. For example, the best old McDonald’s commericals hadn’t a damn thing to do with the product. Geico commercials have very little to do with the product. Et cetera.
I wonder if acting will still be possible after Der Tag?
