So what you are trying to say is that you kneeded the dough?
-Otanx
Spatula City, we sell spatulas–and that’s all!
So I’m wondering how the mess was cleaned up and what the family got back for burial. Ye gads, I wouldn’t want to have to clean that up.
I’d imagine his remains where just blown into the back of a truck with the rest of the mulch. The sounds insensitve, but, other then a quick hosing down, I’d imagine there isn’t much mess to deal with.
Folks, the spoiler box is there for a reason. Keep that in mind before proceeding.
What the family got back for burial: coarse-chop hamburger and bone fragments mixed with garden mulch. Wetter and more red than the usual product of a tree-chipper. Definitely a closed-casket funeral, if they didn’t opt for cremation.
In other words, you’re saying his name should’ve been
Pete
They could plant a garden in his memory. Although he should probably compost for a year or so first.
I think it’s d-e-u-x that’s pronounced deeeewwww.
Now you’ve got me going around muttering, “For the love of god…part dwecks.” It has a certain ring to it.
Something just occurred to me after reading the description of the… er, remains.
[spoiler]Someone claimed they saw this happen, that they saw the guy go through the chipper. (And for the record, I’m not doubting it in this particular case.)
They’re probably not going to perform an autopsy because, well, cause of death seems pretty obvious.
In theory, why couldn’t you stick a nicely shaved goat into a chipper, and then claim it was Dear Departed Dad? DDD gets to run off and escape his creditors, and since there was an eyewitness and an obvious cause of death, there might be very little investigation…
Sorry, been reading murder mysteries. (Wimsey, Marple, Poirot, and Koko)[/spoiler]
[spoiler]I think all the goat horns and goat hooves and goat DNA and goat skin replete with squid sucker marks would give away the presence of a goat.
Besides, have you ever tried pushing an unwilling goat into a wood chipper? Trust me, it ain’t no picnic, and the bugger may chomp onto your sleeve at last minute and pull you in with him. And assuming you survive the wood chipper, you’ll have a suspiciously goat-mouth-sized mark on your forearm that you’ll spend forever trying to explain to the relatives.
See, what you really want is a drugged and shaved monkey. No fuss, no muss, no hooves.[/spoiler]
hmmm 'fraid there arn’t too many monkeys in Kenosha. Maybe ALOT of gerbils.
Get lab monkeys. Just make sure to match the color to dad (black, yellow, or chocolate).
For the love of god, part treeoze! :rolleyes:
Wll my dad has olive colored skin. So I guess I’ll take 3 yellows and one chocolate.
I just sprayed Diet Coke all over my monitor. Oh well, it needed cleaned anyway.
Someone at the TV studio had way too much fun designing the graphic for the story.
I read this as “nudges those feet with his logs.” Yeah, I just watched Fargo yesterday.
Or a pre-deceased goat.
No no, the secret (and I can’t believe you guys didn’t pick up on it), is you make a cannon out of PVC pipe to shoot your goat into the shredder with.
And while I’m horrified by the idea, some folks just can’t seem to let go of their 80’s skater lingo.
I’m inspired to go reread Stephen King’s The Mangler.
Or maybe The Monkler. It has a taste… for monkeys!