For those hoping to become parents. What you think you know, but don't.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

A lot just depends on the kid. My first was so easy, at first – he slept well, ate everything in sight, and smiled all the time. Now he’s the most difficult. The second baby was more demanding, fussier, and still doesn’t sleep or eat, at 3. The third baby sleeps, but doesn’t eat.

I’ve tried it all – co-sleeping, solo sleeping, formula feeding, nursing, homemade organic foods, jarred baby foods… you name it. Some kids went for some things, and not others. Oddly, they seem to be born with their own little personalities and preferences, no matter what the parents do. I was surprised to discover that, as I thought I would be the formative influence in their lives. How wrong I was…

42

[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
Sillier, true. And probably some of them were riskier. But to let a practitioner of a pseudoscience manipulate the neck of a 3 month old ranks up there, IMHO.

An old friend of mine, a Chiropractor who came to reject D. D. Palmer’s theory of Chiropractic and now does manipulation to treat only musculo-skeletal complaints as they relate to spine and hips and shoulders, concurs with that idea.
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Just so you know, they are not rough with a child, much less an infant. They are quite gentle–I’ve never seen them twist or tug at a little one.

And I don’t know about help with crying, but when my niece was a newborn, her arms had little tone. When you turned her over, they would simply flop over and lay limp, with little to no reflex action. They took her to a chiropractor and after a single adjustment, she immediately began moving her arms more normally, with improvement continuing daily. (However, for her reflux and dysphagia, she received treatment from MD’s.)

BTW, I don’t mean this to come across as condescending. I just wondered if some people might think that they might use a “one size fits all” approach, and have some grotesque image of a baby having her neck twisted and cracked.

43

[QUOTE=Lemur866]

Now, what I’m not expecting is a third child, because right now I expect I’m done having more kids. So the wife turning up pregnant again would be kind of surprising. So I should clearly be expecting it…
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Sounds like you’d better start developing a resistance to iocaine.

RR

44

My daughter is about to turn two, and so far, it’s been easy and fun. She has always slept well, from 12 -14 hours a night. I think it’s because my wife stays home with her and we let my daughter develop her own schedule. We do try to keep her from napping when she occasionally gets tired during the day.

I only see her on weekends, and a few hours in the evening becase of work. This, of course, is when she’s getting tired and grumpy, buy with a 10 minute attention span and a no tolerance policy for temper tantrums enforced from the start, it’s easy to distract her.

Distraction and going with the flow is all there is to it.

We’ve probably got another one on the way. We find out tomorrow for sure. I’m sure it will be the spawn of satan to make up for the first one being so easy going.

One thing I had no idea of before becoming a parent is the 20 point IQ loss that comes with it. I find myself blanking out or making stupid decisions way more often than I used to. This explains a lot about my parents!

45

Oooh, parenting is soooo hard, waaaaah! Sorry, that’s what it sounds like. No shit, Sherlock! :smiley:

I have three, 9, 6 and 3, and I have no idea what these “easy babies” you people refer to are. I suspect they are aliens. Beware!

46

Now that one has flown the nest and one is a sophomore in high school, I will share with you my words of wisdom. Take it for what it’s worth.

  1. There will always be challenges. It doesn’t get easier as they get older. Once they are potty trained and can eat finger foods without choking it’s on to the school/bullies/friend fighting thing.

  2. Don’t be afraid to apologize to your children. You will screw up, sometimes hugely, and I think it goes a long way to be able to offer your child a sincere apology.

  3. Read read read read read read to your children. Let them see you reading. Take them to the library. Stock your bookshelves. Encourage them to read above their grade level…I forced Ivygirl at the age of 8 to stop reading the Berenstein Bears books and pick up a Ramona Quimby book and she hasn’t looked back since.

  4. You will never stop worrying about them. You will never stop wanting to catch them when they fall. The hardest thing you will learn is to stand back and let them fall on their ass. Otherwise, they will never learn that they can get up by themselves or that actions have consequences.

  5. Show affection to your SO in front of your children. I’m not saying dryhump on the coffee table, but hug your SO in front of the kids. It may gross them out, but really, it shows them they’re in a stable loving household.

There are more…I could sit here all day. But bottom line is, you will screw up, everyone’s done it, and most times, it turns out okay.

47

[QUOTE=ivylass]
Now that one has flown the nest and one is a sophomore in high school, I will share with you my words of wisdom. Take it for what it’s worth.

  1. There will always be challenges. It doesn’t get easier as they get older. Once they are potty trained and can eat finger foods without choking it’s on to the school/bullies/friend fighting thing.

  2. Don’t be afraid to apologize to your children. You will screw up, sometimes hugely, and I think it goes a long way to be able to offer your child a sincere apology.

  3. Read read read read read read to your children. Let them see you reading. Take them to the library. Stock your bookshelves. Encourage them to read above their grade level…I forced Ivygirl at the age of 8 to stop reading the Berenstein Bears books and pick up a Ramona Quimby book and she hasn’t looked back since.

  4. You will never stop worrying about them. You will never stop wanting to catch them when they fall. The hardest thing you will learn is to stand back and let them fall on their ass. Otherwise, they will never learn that they can get up by themselves or that actions have consequences.

  5. Show affection to your SO in front of your children. I’m not saying dryhump on the coffee table, but hug your SO in front of the kids. It may gross them out, but really, it shows them they’re in a stable loving household.

There are more…I could sit here all day. But bottom line is, you will screw up, everyone’s done it, and most times, it turns out okay.
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To expand on this…

  1. Get a sense if humor. Teach them to laugh at themselves and let them know you are laughing with them not at them. Sometimes the “Three Stooges” sense of humor is needed especially for boys anywhere between the age of eight and 80.

  2. Encourage them with “what you did/at your age” but try not to be critical. They are not you and never will be. The faster you face that fact the smoother things will go.

  3. Teach them to cook, do their own laundry and the cleaning basics. They do not have to be master chefs but the basic Kraft mac & cheese, grilled cheese, frozen pizza and how to boil/fry and egg and make toast are a must. A basic 101 on how to use a washer and dryer. Have them pick up a mop, broom and a dust cloth now and then. Unless of course you want to be their maid forever then this does not apply.

8a) Sometimes teaching the basics is all you can do. I can not tell you the times my son hit his head on the kitchen cupboard doors by leaving them open or burnt his fingers on hot oven pans because he forgot the oven mitts. Shaking my head and repeating “Hey Joe, don’t do that, it hurts” while I heard him say ouch was the only way it sunk in. This is were the humor comes in handy.

9)If your son is not a manly man then don’t try and force it. Some boys are not that way. This goes the same for girls. Some are not girly girls and would rather be tom boys. They don’t need someone trying to force them to be something they are not. Teach them manners and what is proper, correct them when they are wrong and explain why, then let them find their own way.

10)Try and embrace their individual personality. They have one and the more you encourage it the more they are comfortable with themselves.

48

Pfff. I just dose my cmyKids up with some Obay™, and they’re right as rain.

I have a girl (9) and a boy (5). Two completely different experiences from birth until now. I had my first kid when I was 26, an nothing forced me to grow up faster than that. It was hard as shit, and most times still is. But the perspective it gives on love and life cannot be learned any other way. You can’t know this, until you have offspring, period. Very rewarding.

On a personal level, I hated the infant phase. There’s no reasoning with an infant. And you can barely take them anywhere public, because you never know what sort of outburst they might have. The only thing that made it bearable, was that when they decided to be cute… good god.

I’m enjoying where they’re at now. We can talk and have real conversations. I love to mentor and teach them things, especially when they show a real interest in the stuff I love. And I love how my 5 year old is developing a really cool sense of humor. He surprises me everyday with his cleverness. And when I laugh, it makes him laugh, cuz he knows he got me. That’s the best.

And everyone sleeps through the night now. Car seats are over with for the most part, and they can tie their shoes, wipe their ass, put on their clothes, get some snacks and pour drinks on their own. Ahhh, life seems to be getting back to the way I remember growing up, but I’m on the other side now. Can’t wait until my girl can babysit! A social life again!!

49

[QUOTE=ivylass]
4) You will never stop worrying about them. You will never stop wanting to catch them when they fall. The hardest thing you will learn is to stand back and let them fall on their ass. Otherwise, they will never learn that they can get up by themselves or that actions have consequences.
[/QUOTE]
We had just gone through a rough patch where my daughter had to be hospitalized from dehydration from the flu and my son had just been dumped by his girlfriend. We were exhausted from sleeping in the hospital and comforting our son.

My wife said to her mother, “Mom, when do you stop worrying about your kids?” Her mother responded, “When you’re dead, dear.” Truer words were never spoken.

In the movie Parenthood there is a scene where Jason Robards is talking to his son, played by Steve Martin, and says, “(Parenthood) never ends. It’s like your Aunt Edna’s ass, it goes on forever and it’s just as frightening.” He knows that no matter how old his kids are, he will always be their father and will always try to help them as much as he is able to. The movie is schmaltzy and saccharine sweet, but it definitely has its moments.

50

[QUOTE=SomeUserName]
eating mostly the same thing I did but prepared without spices and blended for a baby food consistency.
[/QUOTE]

Wimp. My mum gave me whatever was left over from their meal, blended. Chili con carne, Beef Madras, Spaghetti Bolognese, whatever. When I had inexplicable crying fits, mum put me in the spare room at the other end of the house and went for a lie down.
My ‘fussy eating’ phase apparently went something along the lines of:
<fussy eating>
me: I don’t like these
dad: don’t you want to eat your potatoes?
me: no, they’re howwible.
dad: OK [eats everything on my plate]
me:waaaaaaah!
</fussy eating>

Why yes, I was a second child. Good thing my parents never had a third, it would probably have been left for the German Shepherds to raise.

51

[QUOTE=SenoraGO]
Hee. It’s fun being the Satan baby.
[/QUOTE]

Mind if I grab this and credit you with it for my new sig line? :smiley:

52

[QUOTE=Mosier]
Almost everyone wants to be a parent someday, but nobody (NOBODY!) is ready for it. Even if you think you are, you’re not. I certainly wasn’t, but if someone had managed to get through my thick head what I’m about to tell you before my son was born, I might have been scared enough to swear celibacy forever.

First, you will not sleep anymore. Lots of parents claim their kid sleeps “through the night”, but that’s only because the parents are so deprived of rest that they’ve lost their memory. I can’t stress this enough, guys. In the past year and a half of my life, I have never, not once, woken up to an alarm, or a sunrise, or my dog licking my face. I’ve woken up to someone screaming, every time. You don’t understand what that’s like until it happens to you, and you realize it’s about as stressful as trying to fall asleep with someone holding a loaded gun against your head that you aren’t sure when it’s going to go off.

Your child will take you for granted. They’re babies. They don’t understand or care how you feel when you’re close to tears with frustration because they won’t stop crying and are squirming like an eel when you try to attatch their diaper. You WILL lose your temper at least once, and scare yourself with how violent your thoughts are. Which brings me to my next point.

Babies cry for no reason. The more attention you give them during their protest crying, the more protest crying they will do. If you know that your baby has a clean diaper, a full belly, and isn’t hot or cold or in pain, but they’re crying anyway, ignore them. I’m not kidding. It hurts your heart the first couple of times to leave them in the crib when all they want is for you to come hold them, but trust me when I say DO NOT GO AND HOLD THEM! We didn’t understand this until the doctor gave us this advice. We were up at least three times a night with this screaming thing that wouldn’t give us even three hours of uninterrupted sleep, until we finally gave up and considered the doctor’s advice. We let him cry. He was pissed for about half an hour, but eventually he fell back asleep. The next night was the first time in his life that he slept for more than 4 hours at once. If you let your baby get conditioned to the idea that s/he has to cry to get attention, you will end up resenting your child. (That’s bad, btw.)

There’s a lot more to know about kids, but those are the realizations that hit me hardest. Just remember that when you have a kid, you don’t exist anymore as an individual. You’re just so-and-so’s parents at least until the baby is old enough for school, and probably until they move out.
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AMEN! As the father of a six month old I agree with everything. And really is scary how close you can come to violence when sleep deprived.

53

[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan]
Sillier, true. And probably some of them were riskier. But to let a practitioner of a pseudoscience manipulate the neck of a 3 month old ranks up there, IMHO.

An old friend of mine, a Chiropractor who came to reject D. D. Palmer’s theory of Chiropractic and now does manipulation to treat only musculo-skeletal complaints as they relate to spine and hips and shoulders, concurs with that idea.
[/QUOTE]

All I know is that our son was collicky when first born. We tried everything imaginable for the first three months, with no success. Finally out of desperation we took him to see a chiropractor. We saw an immediate improvement. Coincidence? Maybe, but I doubt it.

And I have always been skeptical of chiropractic medicine.