Presumably, a healthy cannibal needs a hearty meal of healthy human meat. So let’s say I am one, touring back through time. Every hop back, I travel back, oh, I dunno, maybe 300-500 years.
Presuming I can dial up any location on my time machine, where would I find the best meals in various historical eras?
Obviously, I’d want to avoid Europe during the plagues. And according to Mr. Burns, the Chinese people are all gristle. But did they used to be?
Just like Jonathon Swift said, it’s babies, always babies.
I’m thinking right here, right now, would be about the best choice, meat wise. Of course, we have way too much in the way of law enforcement to make it easy to catch your meal without getting caught yourself. But for fine, tender marbled meat with little gristle…obese couch hugging Americans are probably on par with Kobe beef.
In the novel Little Big Man from which the Dustin Hoffman movie comes, there’s a scene when he’s just returned to the Plains Indians, and he’s the guest of honor at a big feast. He tells us he knows this because his bowl of dog stew has a couple of puppy feet as a garnish to indicate that he was honored with the tender, succulent puppy bits.
I agree with WhyNot. The further back in history you go, the worse your grazing stock will be fed. Prior to modern times, getting enough food to survive was no easy task. Lean, hardworking meat on the hoof is prolly gonna be tough and chewy. You want fat and lazy folks for good eating.
O the other hand, harvesting your “crop” will be easier the further back you go, considering modern weapons and less sophisticated law enforcement. So, do you want quality or quantity?
Of course, if you have time travel technology, you could do a smash-and-grab at your local Weight Watchers meeting (go in January for the best crop o’ recent reformers) and zip back to another time before the receptionist can dial 911…
Just don’t grab the meeting leader by mistake. Those are some tough old birds!
I mis-read the OP.
I think we may need to know more about your preferences
I assume people that have a relatively spicey diet will taste different from those that eat a blander diet. People in a colder climate may have more fat, to get that whole marble thing going on. Stuff like that.
Also, are you going to be eating the meat raw, or cooking it?
Stay away from Papua New Guinea, for health reasons.
Probably best to avoid bushmeat hunters in Cameroon and the Congo for at least a couple of centuries…unless, due to the quirks of time travel, you already did it before you even left on your time jaunts, and this led to HIV’s spread in the first place. In which case—nice going, asshole. See if we let you use a time machine to roam history to kill and consume people ever again. Prick. :mad:
Eat your grandparents, and let me know how it works out. 
Politicians. The hot air keeps them warm so there’s less cooking time. The only downside would be Kosher cannibals who don’t eat pork. dibs on the band name.
The ultimate diet.
Are you kidding me, do you know how hard it is to clean one of those things?
I prefer just to nibble and lick. And I’ve always wanted to make it with a cave girl. So I’d turn that puppy up a bit and cruise back 20,000 years or so.
No different than any other bottom-feeder. You have to clean out the mud-slinging vain.
I’d almost say right here right now, because we have fewer nasty chemicals in the air, water and food supply, and a virtually endless supply of fat and tender humans. But on the other hand, we’re pumped full of drugs (both illegal and prescription) and consuming them in our water supply.
But then again, considering the toxic crap that fat and tender humans of the past used to consume thinking it good stuff, maybe our hypothetical time traveling cannibal should be eating modern Americans.
Thank you for your responses to date. Unfortunately though, ‘here and now’ doesn’t cut it. I’m a time tourist gourmand, dammit!
Besides, I question the meat quality of my neighbors. I very much doubt we have fewer nasty chemicals in air food and water. Maybe fewer than 50 years ago, but certainly not fewer than 500 years ago. Plus, we have strontium and various radioactive thingies floating around today that weren’t here 60 years ago.
Darryl Lict, thanks for the baby comment. I imagine babies of any era would be the tastiest morsels to be found.
Honestly, with a time machine, I’m not worried about being caught. All I need is like a 30-second window to reel in my prey, and I’m outta there, and undetectable.
The idea of harder working, and hence tougher and less tasty, is also useful. The best idea I can come up with to avoid the toughest of them is to go after slave-owners, who presumably do less labor. Maybe I’ll spend a good deal of time hopping through Rome and various Greek city-states, as they seem to have developed some pretty adequate leisure classes.
This alone would suggest Scandanavia around 800-1200 AD, or some Inuit culture — limited access to the spice markets, cold climate.
On the other hand, historically used to work a lot harder, and thus had a much higher calorie intake. We’d probably want to find the least hard-working people we could in history: fewer stringy muscles, fattier end product. For that you’d probably want some choice selection in Roman senators.
From what I understand, Hunter-Gatherers as a whole do less actual work than their agrarian descendants. So you might want to just flit back to before the agricultural revolution, or stick to tropical regions where people are lazing around all day munching grubs and tubers, not pulling plows and threshing wheat.
But, considering the whole Kuru, risk, you might want to become a Kosher Cannibal. No nerve tissue or brains for you, mmm’kay?
But… but… but…
BRAINS!!.. Brains!!.. mmmmmmm!
Well, ok.
The European royal courts, perhaps? If you’re looking for obese, well-fed and lazy, I’m sure there would have been lots of people to put modern westerners to shame at Versailles, for example. They would probably make a nice wine-flavoured gravy, too.