All the wealth of all the kings
Is naught compared beside the things
Possessed by me when I reflect
Upon the last time that we necked.
Olympus ne’er was such a place
Where Gods clenched in divine embrace
Enjoyed a sight like Vickie’s face
The night I got to second base.
If our astronauts discover
Some new species that can hover
In mid-air, well they can stuff her
I rise up on my Earth lover.
Legislators, pass a law!
Declaring Vickie without flaw
Pygmalion a’ la G.B. Shaw
For Vickie’s thigh I just did paw.
Here Contrapuntal takes a stand
His lips are chapped and his left hand
Is cramped like twisted rubber band
But he’s still happy – ain’t love grand!
Damn, King, I was so proud of that and you had to come along and blow me out of the bathtub.
Try this one on for size.
Like a lieutenant I sailed to the fore,
My body repentant, my mind on the score.
I felt all in pieces and could not relate.
I saw Johnny’s peaches and knew all of fate.
What splendour of the firmament
Compares with the magnificent
Guy whose buttocks sweet and tight
I groped at Unity last night?
A freezing night in '98
I snogged my nineteen-year-old date
Two nights hence, was taken aback
By the sight of her magnificent rack
Five years hence, in a Vegas strip mall
I took her hand in marriage, y’all
'Twas not Elvis who tied the knot
But a special girl I knew I’d got
Two years more, I lucked to score
Like Sir Lancelot in days of yore
My wife then said, “Holy moly,”
“Looks like you slipped one past the goalie!”
I know not what this
Thing called Love is. But I cheer
For my friends’ joy.
Well, I was going to contribute, but I have no idea how I would write an epic love-poem about my hand.
Here you go, emekthian:
On winter nights chill dark and calm
Dateless for my senior prom,
I look at life without a qualm
For Shangri-la is in my palm
Strong and delicate of touch and deft
My right hand soothes me when bereft
These stolen moments, joyful theft
Adult’rous me! I’ll use my left
As vocal cords are to a singer
My knuckle-tendon’s a hum-dinger
In blissful lassitude I linger
Careful not to sprain a finger.