See, that’s the other neat trick–CDSs are kinda like the mystery bag. They could be fulla dogshit, they could be fulla Krugerrands but there’s no way to tell, really.
Let’s say we have this guy who has a bunch of subprime mortgages that we say have a face value of 1 million bucks–ten mortgages of 100,000 each. So as long as the houses really are worth a hundred grand each, we can all agree on the value.
But it gets funner–the mortgages are ARMs and have a variable value according to what the prime rate is, so one day someone can make the case that they’re REALLY worth 1.5 million because the interest is up, and convinces someone else to buy the bundle at that price, whee!
Then the real estate market goes up so the guy who bought it at 1.5 says “dude, those houses are now worth 150 grand each, plus the higher interest makes this bundle worth 2 million!” and somebody else buys it for that.
See our problem here? Something that had a backable value of a million bucks is now considered to be 2 million worth of stuff–now watch the housing bubble pop and the values go down to where the houses are only worth 50 grand each, and the interest rates fall so THAT money is gone and then a whole bunch of defaults happen so the bet they all made that the original mortgages were gonna pay off is gone and suddenly somebody spent two million bucks for a wad of toilet paper and the only thing there is to back it up is ten shitty houses worth a buck eighty five each.
See? Mystery bag–buy my bag that I say is very good and maybe you’ll make out or maybe you’ll have a lapful o’dogshit, but no way to tell until you buy it. Since the “values” are arbitrary and are just based on whatever you can con some other sucker into paying, the “value” keeps inflating beyond any sort of reason, but they kept on doing it because nobody wants to be holding the dogshit bag when the music stops. Multiply that by a pantsload, then figure in that those companies that bought shitloads of those derivatives swapped perfectly good real assets for toilet paper and you have a big fucking mess. Now the government wants us to buy those wads of toilet paper at the premium price the fools who have it now bought it for, never mind that it will never be worth even the initial face value unless there’s a fucking miracle. So the government trades good money for used bumwad, Wall Street gets rid of used bumwad in favor of good money, we get stuck with the bill and there’s no guarantee this will even work. If we trade off enough cows for magic beans we’re gonna be fucked and the government will have to print money to keep us from being assraped by high interest loans from other countries who already own our butts. It will NOT be pretty.
I’d really rather concentrate on making those bad loans worth more by stabilizing the market on the ground, getting dodgy loans rewritten into something that will keep the foreclosures from happening. Even though most people hate the idea of “helping out the lazy and stupid,” every foreclosure averted is a percentage point added to the value of surrounding houses. A real estate rule of thumb says you can take one percent off the value of your house for every foreclosed property within a mile of you. It stabilizes the real estate market to keep foreclosures to a minimum, and it’s better to fix a bad loan product than it is to buy the derivatives of a whole shitload of bad loan products. The only people hurt by this kind of bottom up relief is the shitbirds who did it in the first place.