I’ll tell you where your scenario falls down there, IdahoMauleMan–the trick is in Section 8 of the Paulson plan which reads, in its 32 word entirety, as follows:
Huh. Reflect on that for a minute. No oversight, no review, no accountability. So basically, we hand Paulson close to a trillion bucks, he puts it into a large canvas sack with $$$ printed on the side, slips his domino mask down over his face and slopes off to Wall Street, where he opens up that window and says “Yo, I buying yo dogshit bags hyeah!” And the little piggies line up.
Here’s where the fun part starts. Phil Gramm, senior executive of UBS (a Swiss bank, but Paulson’s already admitted that he’s totally okay with giving US taxpayer money to foreign banks who were having lotsa fun swapping around toxic CDS bundles but who don’t like getting the dogshit bag just like Americans) comes up to the window and says “Hank, buddy, we go way back–you’re gonna give me 110 cents on the dollar for these wink wink VERY VALUABLE ASSETS, right?” And old Hank does just that! Wow! Lucky Phil!
Then up comes Goldman Sachs, and says “Hank! You worked for us for thirty years, you can’t let your old buddies get fucked in the poopchute just because we were stupid and greedy, right? You wanna give us 150 cents on the dollar, right?” And whee, old Hank reaches into that canvas sack and tosses big old handfuls of money at Goldman Sachs!
Then a whole bunch of people come running up, wanting to sell all kinds of numb shit, like car loans and mountaintop houses in Florida, and Brooklyn Bridges, and bad money orders from Nigerian diplomats and they say “Hank, if you buy these things from us at the value we say they are we’ll give you a blowjob AND toss your salad, whaddaya say?” And old Hank does just that! He buys buckets of cocaine! He has a money giveaway! He gives a million bucks to anyone who’ll stage a bum fight/geek show for his best friends! It’s a PARTAY!
Then old Hank wakes up and decides to just give away shitloads of that cash to various friends of his because he likes them! Whee, it’s Christmas in September with Santa Hank! Hookers and blow! Pretty soon the whole canvas bag is empty–and for some odd reason the American taxpayer wants to know what happened to their money, especially since that giveaway didn’t really do the job (which, by the way, many economists are in no way sanguine that the bailout will do what Paulson swears it will) but they can’t find out because of Section 8.
Even if they DID find out, even if gratuitously illegal things were done with that money, even if millions of dollars had been used to charter a jet for a hundred Wall Street CEOs to take a trip to Bangkok for a little pedophilia tourism on the American people’s dime–not one slim thing can be done about it because of Section 8.
This is the plan, including good old Section 8, that Paulson is suddenly trying to ramrod through Congress with no delay or amendment. Now why, pray tell, should he be so paranoid about people finding out what he did with the money and be able to prosecute wrongdoing if he’s all on the up & up, just wanting to save our hides from the economic disaster he’s been insisting all along isn’t real? Hmmm. Anybody? Bueller?
