That’s why I hate the commercial with Digger the dermatophyte or whatever the hell he is who gives you the nail fungus. You know, that one where he ‘lives under your nail’ and they show him lifting up the toenail and wedging himself in there. Everytime I see that foul little creature I shudder a little inside. The first time I saw it I shrieked. There’s something about toenails that gives people the willies.
My friend commented to me the other day that she is going along as a crewperson for a guy who is running an Ultra, which is when you run a hundred miles in less than 30 hours. He fully expects all his toenails to fall off as a result. This is one of the many, many reasons why I will never run 100 miles.
Hee hee. I used to dance in middle school and high school, working my way up to being en pointe. Due to the stress of holding up my body weight, my next-to-pinky toe’s nail would periodically turn white. When that happened, I’d give it a little time, then I could cut my toenail and just peel the entire thing right off. Underneath was a proto-nail, softish but harder than just skin. In maybe a week, it’d harden right up and become my new toenail.
Told this to Mr. Snicks and ewwed him right out. I thought it was cool.
And to be really honest, I kinda miss it. Both dance and the magical peeling toenail.
I dropped a #10 can full of caned fruit on a bare big toe a few years ago. The pain was indescribable. I would have shot myself on the spot, given a firearm. After enough alcohol, the pain stayed at bay enough for me to administer first aid. After a few days of course, the nail fell off, and disgust ensued.
But I am now the proud owner of a fine big right toenail, the deformity caused by the injury to the surrounding tissue has finally grown out.
Same thing was done to me. Unfortunately, the doc burned through the nail and kept on going. My reaction was to kick. Caught the poor fellow in the jaw, knocking his head into the wall, laying him out cold.
Back in February I stubbed my big toe while walking about the house in the dark.
The nail turned purple. I used a drill bit to make a small hole in it and drain the blood off.
Last week the nail just sort of fell off and there was a new nail of sorts growing under it.
The only really painful part, aside from the initial stubbing, was the first day when it feel off. It was still kind of raw and my three-year-old stepped on it.
I will say I share the general heebie-jeebies about nails. The thought of a nail peeling off creeps me out. I’m glad it just popped off like it did (plus I got to save it as a conversation piece.)
I went hiking with my high school class in 1999 and wore new hiking boots. which is always a good and recommendable thing. The tips of the boots were quite hard; as a result, the nails of my index toes (you know, the one next to the big toe) continuously rubbed against them for the entire weekend. When I got home, I had developed blisters under my nails. No kidding; the nails were raised up and beneath each one was a sac of clear fluid. They didn’t hurt at all, but they did make walking feel pretty strange. After a while, the blisters burst and the nails turned black. It took about a month for them to fall off. The worst part of the whole ordeal was putting socks on in the morning: one careless tug and the nail would lift up 90 degrees and dig into the nailbed.
So I’m at the dentist on Monday (6/6). I’m politely chatting up Julie, the lovely hygienist. I happen to mention it’s D-Day anniversary.
Julie says, “Did I ever tell you both my grandfathers were taken prisoner?”
“Why no. By the Germans, or the Japanese?”
“One each. My one grandpa, the Japanese pulled all his nails out.” …Oooooooooowwwwww.
Julie’s pretty pale grey eyes sparkle. “OK, turn my way and let’s start the cleaning.”
During the cleaning I hardly take my eyes off Julie’s. It’s still all I can do not to think pulled all his nails out as she scrapes away pulled all his nails out with various implements as I lie pulled all his nails out in the chair under hot lights. Julie’s eyes are beautiful. Julie’s beautiful. It’s a shame she’s pulled all his nails out married, I think.
