Formulas to Living - I don't think they really work

In My Humble Opinion
1

There’s a lot of formulaic talk in reference to managing one’s life - formulas for catching husbands, for managing children, for losing weight.

Supposedly if we calculate correctly and follow the prescription, schedule or regimen, life’s problems vanish. The whole magazine publishing industry flourishes on these stories - they’re quick reads, simple topics, and apparently quite popular.

I’m beginning to think it’s pure hogwash.

It’s appealing, sure, to think there HAS to be an answer, and someone’s found it.

But I don’t think it’s true.

Diets, for example, don’t work. We all know what calories are about, yet obesity keeps increasing. Personally I think it’s because the root of the problem is emotional eating (I’ve been reading Shrink Yourself - really good stuff in there). It’s not solvable by a formula or prescription or plan - it’s about growth, which is chaotic, irregular, emotional.

Or like with kids - mine go through unruly stages. Today, for example, was really annoying. They kept flitting from topic to topic. No sooner had I responded to one idea than they introduced a new one, “Let’s play these” “I want those” “Why did you” “MOMMMMMYYYYYY”.

I found myself wondering if following a strict schedule, as is often recommended, would cease that behavior. If they KNEW what to expect, wouldn’t they STOP asking for so many different things?

But personally I can’t follow a schedule. I despise predictability, it’s the death of me. So instead, I have to use patience. Just ride things out until the emotional equilibrium settles down. I have to use myself as the compass, instead of some outside tool. It’s really tiring (and I fail at times) but I also like the way it works, because the kids find their own equilibrium, too.

I think it’s the difference between a golf course, all manicured and planned, and a jungle, full of disorder.

I dunno, just throwing out some thoughts to see if anyone else has considered the topic.

2

Sounds like you have the beginnings to your own formula on life:
Take it as it comes. Don’t strictly adhere to routines that may be or become obsolete. Find the path that works for you and your family’s situation.
Thats the way I think life should be lived anyway…
I don’t mean to be snarky if it comes across like that, but I see bits and pieces slowly cohering to an unwritten rule book. :smiley:

3

That’s MY formula: Play it by ear and go on instinct. Ironically, I’m otherwise a very ordelry person who plans out even the smallest details.

4

The problem is that magazines use formulas for general populations. Unfortunately most of the their readers have A.D.D. so they don’t write enough about exceptions to the formulas and how to individualize the information.

Diets are especially hard for people to individualize. The most important thing to look for in a diet is not the most healthiest one, but the most healthiest one that you (not Jessica Alba, her diet won’t work for you) can actually stick to.

5

Send me $100 and I’ll PM to you my Proven Methods for attaining wealth and prosperity on the internet.

6

When you’re talking about a rule book for people anything so sweeping, so general, is going to be mostly hogwash.

*Hypothetical situation. You’re a doctor and you have five patients with the same condition. They all need the same drug but in different amounts. You have to get the dosage right or they don’t get better.

The 1st and 2nd patients need one spoon full. The 3rd needs 10 spoons full. The fourth and fifth need 4 spoons full.

If you’re going to take the same approach as them formulas you’re going give each patient an average dose. That’s 5 spoons full each. No one gets better.*

The formulas of life are only useful for statisticians. You and I can get ideas out of them but that’s all.

I always live by the rule: Every fact I know is only true at the moment. Anyone of them could be proven wrong tomorrow.

7

Thanks Siam Sam and Lakai for the thoughts you guys added, you’re helping me get a better sense of what I’m trying to say.

I love that essell, so true.

And you’re right eldowan, it DOES become Another Rule, albeit a looser one. Interesting how we human beings always spot patterns.

Ironically, there’s a GD thread going right now about the inherent good/evil of religion, and I think it’s exactly the same subject - blaming a “system” as though it was imposed on us from a third party, when actually it’s our creation.

Sage Rat, $100 is kinda high, howsabout $1.50?

If you ever saw the movie Harold and Maude (1971, with Ruth Gordon and Bud Cort), there’s this scene where she’s pointing to a field of daisies and says something about most of the world’s problems being caused by treating people like anonymous masses instead of unique individuals.

I didn’t quite get that when I first saw the movie years ago, but it’s making more sense to me now.

8

Except how to spell, of course. :rolleyes:

9

In my experience, we don’t only spot patterns, we see them where they don’t exist. I’ve posted this before, but it was a powerful illustration of this for me - I was driving with my husband, and saw a van next to me with writing on it. I thought the name on the van was a funny saying, and then watched as the letters re-arranged themselves before my eyes into what was actually written on the van. I actually saw what I expected to see at first - the words weren’t there, but my brain filled in the pattern it expected. New formula - don’t trust your brain. :slight_smile:

10

I think some people have figured out their life philosophy. I think I’ve figured out mine, though it constantly changes (actually, my life philosophy is constant change, among other things.) It would be short-sighted to suppose that what works for one person is going to work for another. I don’t think that invalidates formulas for living – it just suggests that they don’t work for everyone, or possibly that they only work for the person who invented them.

To take the diet example… I haven’t discovered that the key is emotional eating. I have discovered that the key is eating fewer, more nutritious calories and getting exercise. For me, it really is that simple, a simple behavioral formula that works quite nicely. But I like schedules and routines–they are my bread and butter, because you can build a very balanced life once they are in place. When unpredictable things start happening, I tend to get off-balance and out of whack–too much emphasis on one part of my life and neglecting the others. Balance has always been my life challenge.

I try to make my life as simple as possible, my coping mechanisms as straightforward and, dare I say formulaic, as possible. My number one coping mechanism is be here now. Just be present, accept what’s going on, feel myself in the moment. Very straightforward, very simple, and works in every situation I find myself in. I thrive on simplicity. I’m not trying to imply that I have achieved this ideal of perfect simplicity and sublime routine all the time, only that my best environment is a predictable one. I don’t find it boring at all, because I see all the little things that make this moment different from the next – my experience one day of driving to work may be completely different than my experience driving to work on a different day – not boring. Interesting and comforting.

I don’t think all people should be that way, and I’m totally okay with my life formula not being other people’s life formula. Experiences and philosophies are happily diverse, and I’m sure that serves some kind of social and evolutionary purpose.

I would have to voice my agreement though that any formula that promises to make life’s problems vanish, or that can be found between the pages of a magazine, probably is hogwash.