You’ve got to have a bit of the masochistic Puritan to read this book, but for those of you that haven’t, the following sorta captures the essence of the book (and this list?):
“THE DEPARTMENT OF USELESS TECHNIQUES”
‘‘Listen, Jacopo, I thought of a good one: Urban Planning for Gypsies.’’
‘‘Great,’’ Belbo said admiringly. ‘‘I have one, too: Aztec Equitation.’’
‘‘Excellent. But would that go with Potio-section or the Adynata?’’ . . . Belbo . . . looked at me, saw my bewilderment. ‘‘Potio-section, as everybody knows, of course, is the art of slicing soup. No, no,’’ he said to Diotallevi. ‘‘It’s not a department, it’s a subject, like Mechanical Avunculogratulation or Pylocatabasis. They all fall under the heading of Tetrapyloctomy. . . . The art of splitting a hair four ways. This is the department of useless techniques. Mechanical Avunculogratulation, for example, is how to build machines for greeting uncles. We’re not sure, though, if Pylocatabasis belongs, since it’s the art of being saved by a hair. Somehow that doesn’t seem completely useless.’’ ‘‘All right, gentlemen,’’ I said, ‘‘I give up. What are you two talking about?’’
‘‘Well, Diotallevi and I are planning a . . . School of Comparative Irrelevance. . . . to turn out scholars capable of endlessly increasing the number of unnecessary subjects. . . . The Tetrapyloctomy department has a preparatory function; its purpose is to inculcate a sense of irrelevance. Another important department is Adynata, or Impossibilia. . . . The essence of the discipline is the comprehension of the underlying reasons for a thing’s absurdity. We have courses in Morse syntax, the history of antarctic agriculture, the history of Easter Island painting, contemporary Sumerian literature, Montessori grading, Assyrio-Babylonian philately, the technology of the wheel in pre-Columbian empires, and the phonetics of the silent film. . . . But what courses did we put under Oxymoronics? Oh, yes, here we are: Tradition in Revolution, Democratic Oligarchy, Parmenidean Dynamics, Heraclitean Statics, Spartan Sybaritics, Tautological Dialectics. . . .’’ I couldn’t resist throwing in ‘‘How about a Grammar of Solecisms?’’ ‘‘Excellent!’’ they both said, making a note.