Daddy No Name and I took our sons to the county fair yesterday. It was a pretty nice day when we left, but by the time we got there (a whole 10 minutes later) it was roughly the same temperature outside as the surface of the sun. My fault for moving somewhere desert-adjacent.
I wasn’t too keen on the idea of going to the county fair. Having grown up in BFE, Nebraska…I’ve seen more than my fair share of county fairs and 4H animals lovingly raised by friends to grow up, win a ribbon, and then be sold, slaughtered, and eaten (the animal, not the friend). I was drug there by said friend, “You just gotta see Burger (my name for the calf, not hers) win his ribbon or he’ll be so crestfallen!” So, I’d sit, watch my friend walk around the arena with Burger, watch them give her and Burger a ribbon, and then stand there and go, “Why, that’s a mighty fine cow ya got there. Didja breast or bottle feed?”
Anyway, I went along with the plan to go to the fair with Daddy No Name and our sons. We piled out of our minivan and walked up to the gates to see, lo and behold, an exgirlfriend of Daddy No Name and an exfriend of mine. This is the exgirlfriend he always has to say, “She didn’t look like that when I dated her!!!” about whenever a friend of ours says, “You dated…her? No shit?” This woman looks like a severely overfed bulldog. Underbite and all. Even though she is now (hopefully) happily married and going on with her life after 13 years, she has apparently given up on personal hygiene, so she smells about the same as a a severely overweight bulldog too. Sad, really.
After polite hellos and her cooing “My, haven’t your boys gotten BIG!” and me biting my tongue so I wouldn’t go “My, havn’t YOU gotten big!” we entered the fair.
We asked da boys what they wanted to do first, and #1 Son says that he’s absolutely STARVING so we head to the nearest corndog/curly fry/lemonade stand. Not the healthiest lunch in the world, but we were at the county fair. It’s not like they were selling nutritionally balanced meals there. Besides, I owed it to them after the dinner I served them the night before (see the “I’m the worst housewife ever” thread for further explanation in MPSIMS if ya wanna).
Corn dogs were four bucks a piece, lemonades were four bucks a piece, curly fries were three bucks a piece and they had something called ‘the works’ for seven dollars. Turns out ‘the works’ was curly fries with chili, cheese, jalepenos, and sour cream. Sounded yummy, so that’s what I got. Uh, ‘the works’ should be called ‘ick’ instead. The stuff touted as ‘cheese’ was not cheese. It wasn’t even stadium cheese. It was more like orange glue and I think the sour cream had gone over to the dark side. Long story short, we dropped about $35.00 on lunch.
Then, we took the kids to ride all (4) of the rides they had there and #2 son decided that he wanted to see the animals. I’ve seen enough farm animals to last me a lifetime, but my children, being ‘citified’ apparently have not. First we went in to see the goats. There were a lot of goats. Lots and lots and lots of goats. Are goats in high demand these days? Number-2 son covered his nose and mouth with his shirt and said, “Goats smell bad.” So we left and he decided that we should visit the pigs…uh, okay, Sonny. So, we walk into the pig barn and he goes, “Look! Endless pigs!!!” And there were endless pigs. He had to see each one of them and tell them hello, making me wish I’d never read Charlotte’s Web to him.
Finally, #2 decides that he’s had enough and as we’re on the way out, the announcer in the arena next door is saying that the Goat Extravaganza 
is about to start. So #1 leans over to me as we’re walking past all of the contestants and their keepers and goes, “You know, mom, they’re taking the goats in there to fight to the death.” I almost wet myself because I was laughing so hard.
Figuring that was the high note to leave the fair on, after visiting the petting zoo so #2 son (okay, and me too) could fawn over all of the baby animals, I insisted that I be taken immediately without further ado to the library where they have no farm animals, books, and most importantly air conditioning.
All in all, it turned out to be a very nice day. I have two books to read and I’ve done my duty as a mother to take the kids to see the stinky farm animals that they’re only used to seeing on their dinner plates.