…oh…my…
Gotta admit - that’s one Urban Legend I hadn’t heard, but it does give new insight to the Fleetwood Mac episode of VH-1’s “Behind the Music” (argh!)
I remember we were trying to work out (one evening down the pub, inevitably) how the employee might appear on her tax returns. Best we could come up with was; ‘Back room staff’.
Scarlett said
Nice attitude from someone who is supposed to be here to fight ignorance, rather than perpetuate it. 
Oh, so because I post on this board, I’m responsible for tracking down the veracity of every bit of inane trivia that crosses my path? I dare say there is way more significant knowledge in the world to be pursued than whether a Van Morrison song is really about butt-fucking.
Read it again. My point was that whether it’s true or not, the mental image has ruined the song for me.
Oh, and by the way, I edit college textbooks for a living, so I’ll thank you not to accuse me of not fighting ignorance. What have you done to contribute to public education lately?
To everyone else: I apologize for the hijack. We now return this thread to the highbrow discussion of the Hershey Highway.
Hey ! You got the scoop on Barbara Hershey ??
- I may never be able to listen to ‘The Wind Beneath my Wings’ again. I hope.
Yeah, I heard that Mick Jagger was doing her in the back door while sucking a Mars Bar out of Marianne Faithfull. 
(Have we been kicked out of GQ yet?)
Just for the sake of thoroughness, the Mars Bar and Ms. Faithful.
When I don’t want to come I think of Ernest Borgnine naked. That pretty much freezes me right in my tracks.
Woody Allen had a bit in his standup routine back in the mid-sixties about what he does when he wants to … prolong…the…moment.
He thinks of baseball players! 
(Don’t we all?)
The bit’s great, too; he has Mays singling, McCovey being pinch hit for…
Yeah, Frankie says don’t come.
This I understand can be easier said than done, so I keep a list handy in my mind to offer suggestions to my gentleman friend, when he doesn’t want to come (or more to the point when I don’t want him to). Think about this, honey:
[ul]Eleanor Roosevelt
The Queen Mum
bathtub grout
poisonous toads of Central America
Barney Fife
the man at the Hawaiain Shave Ice stand
patent law
an unnamed co-worker of mine
macrame lampshades
Ron and Nancy Reagan
getting dental work[/ul]
I’ll have to add Ernest Borgnine to my list. That’s just wrong!
I don’t know, that one possibly could be a turn on…
[Insert toad-licking UL here]
Ugh - now why would anyone want to think of Ernest Borgnine or Elanor Roosevelt when about to climax? What happens if it doesn’t work? The last thing in the world I would want to do is actually come with their image in my mind’s eye. That’s not the kind of imprint association I want to make.
(Sheesh - it’s bad enough in porno vids when they continually cut to shots of some ex-con’s ugly grimacing mug. Inevitably, the timing is… unfortunate.)
The solution is simple, straightforward, and sure to please your partner: If it feels like you’re ready to pop, and you think it’s too early, then just climb off and go down on her for a while. I mean, the point is to make her come first, right?
Right?
Scarlett Nothing against you personally. Just the phrase you used.
[/]You* first brought up in this discussion an allusion to Van Morrison’s song being about sodomy.
I understand that it was a flippant comment, but some of the first time readers here might not. They might take it to be truth. It’s always hard to strike a balance between adding humor to a question in GQ and trying to not add things that might be taken the wrong way by newbies. I have done it before, I’m sure.
As to what I have done to contribute to public education, I post pedantic replys to GQ. Read 'em some time. Factual, usually, and mostly boring.
I’m just grumpy because the thread should have been dispatched to MPSIMS many posts ago.
I would hope that even a poor defenseless newbie would understand the difference between a public message board to which any unknown ignorant bozo may post and a standard reference work such as the Encyclopedia Britannica. I know of no academic entity that would accept “I read it in General Questions” as a citation of fact. Anyone who can’t tell the difference is on their own.
Besides, other semi-humorous, unsubstantiated references were made here to rumors about Stevie Nicks, the Bee Gees, a Crystal Gayle song, and the Hokey Pokey. Should we flag those for the newbies also? Besides, a few folks asked about my reference, and I clarified that it was a rumor. They asked, I answered. Let the newbies fend for themselves. I’m not here to hold their hand. Nobody held mine when I was a newbie, and I managed just fine.
As for being in the wrong forum, I agree. I said as much earlier. But I don’t determine where the thread goes, I just posted to it. Sniping at participants in a thread will do nothing to get it moved. You need to e-mail a mod or admin for that.