Dammit, I’m just going to stop reading. Every other book I really like ends up going through the Hollywood meat-grinder to be chopped, processed and re-formed into yet another slab of generic baloney. This time it’s “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”, the best of Donald E. Westlake’s Dortmunder series and my all-time favorite crime caper novel.
I heard it was in development a few months ago, and held my breath that they would do it right, but found out today that it has become another star vehicle, with all the good stuff ripped out and just the name and a bare shell of a story remaining. Casting Martin Lawrence (who stopped being funny a long time ago) as the low-key, long-suffering thief Dortmunder just smack of typical Hollywood “ooh, wouldn’t it be cool if…”. Now he’s just another in a long line of hip, wise-cracking, generic stereotype thieves played for laughs against Danny DeVito’s slimy rich white guy. Anyone who has read any of the Dortmunder books can see how deeply wrong this is. Westlake not only writes some of the best crime capers, but his characters are wonderful and their motivations drive the story. Change or remove them and most of the interest is gone. They become as flat and one-dimensional as Mel Gibson’s character in “Payback”, another bastardized Westlake novel.
I only wish I had the money to purchase the options on books I really like to keep the movie industry from screwing them up.
Lucie’s got my vote. You say to me, “Martin Lawrence as Dortmunder…” and I say to you, “…sucks, big-time.”
Yet another Hollywood “package”.
Not to mention the fact that books at the library are free, and my local Kinematastic 24-Plex is now charging moviegoers their own weight in gold, all major credit cards accepted.
Oh, I have no intention of seeing the movie. I almost never do when they film a version of a book I like. I’m just afraid to like a book anymore because some dipshit in Hollywood seems to have a psychic tie to my brain. Whenever I like something, he (I can only assume it’s a he since it always ending up being a guy film) says aha! she likes it, what can we do to screw it up. Do you know how hard it is to get someone to accept your recommendation on a good book when all they know of it is the sucky movie starring some Hollywood flavor-of-the-month that came out last year?
I suppose it could have been worse. Someone could have made it into a Steven Segal vehicle.
lucie: Chill, babe. Remember the author’s dedication in DON’T ASK (1993):
Dedicated, in awe and admiration, to Robert Redford, George C. Scott, Paul LeMat, and Christopher Lambert: Dortmunders all, and who would have guessed.
I’d be willing to bet that Mister Westlake looks upon this forthcoming flick with gentle amusement, and is looking forward to banking his option checks.
(Also, don’t forget the famous James M. Cain anecdote…when he was asked how he felt about Hollywood screwing up his novels, he said “No, they didn’t…look, there they all are, up there on the shelf.”)
I agree that Martin Lawrence is the worst possible choice to play the engagingly schlumpy Dortmunder (with the possible exception of Carol Channing). I just hope EVERYONE connected with the book got a healthy chunk o’ change out of the movie deal.
[now that I think of it, Carol Channing would be an intriguing choice . . . ]
Remember that Lawrence Block’s burglar character, Bernie Rhodenbarr, was played by Whoopi fuckin’ Goldberg once. So let’s all count our blessings; at least they got Dortmunder’s gender right.
Lucie, I sympathize. My favorite short story by Isaac Asimov was “The Bicentennial Man” (I admit…it makes me cry), and, when he and Silverberg turned it into a full length novel, I enjoyed that too. Because of that, I got all excited when I heard they were making the movie. I was a little worried when they cast Robin Williams, but, I figured, he was ok in Dead Poet’s Society and Being Human, so he could carry a dramatic role. Ok, so I go, catch a sneak preview, and what did they turn it into? A romantic comedy, which, with the exception of a title, had almost nothing in common with either the short story and a book. Trust me, Lucie, don’t go to movie versions of novels…they’ll chew your heart up and spit it back at you every time…
Ike - you want me to chill? In the pit? If I wanted a reasonable discussion I’d be in IMHO or something. Besides, this isn’t about Westlake, it’s about ME! ME! It’s about what I like!
Thanks. I’m feeling much better now. Seriosly, yeah, I know that the book is not the movie. there are just so many non-readers out there who only judge a book by the movie on which it was based. If it is a good movie, some of these poor benighted souls may actually read the books. If it’s crap, that’s their excuse for avoiding it. Even I’ve been guilty of it, and I’ve been a voracious reader since first grade. I might never have read any Dashiell Hammett except for John Huston’s wonderful version of “the Maltese Falcon”.
And another thing - Hollywood whines about the paucity of original material to make movies with, then takes these good books, strips them of their originality, forces the leftover bits into tired old formulas, then says see? nobody wants to see a Westlake (or whoever) book made into a movie. They even do it with their own stuff. Take “Die Hard”, one of the best action films ever made. Successful. So what do they do with the sequel? Carefully remove everything that made the first one good (characters, plot twists, excellent cast) and add more explosions. Oh, what a good idea.
One of my favorite Heinlein books is Starship Troopers. The movie, tocoin an estremely oringinal phrase, sucked big time. None of the ideas or political philosophy were correctly depicted. It concentrated on special effects, as so many pictures do these days.
Oh Yeah! you guys have it easy. One of my favorite books is Anne Rice’s Exit to Eden (don’t ask why :rolleyes: ) They put Rosie O’Donnell in it. Ok? I don’t even know where, if anywhere they followed or came close to the book’s plot.
Don’t you just wish you could work as an approver of all Hollywood adaptations? Some little cockroach of an adapter comes to you with the kind of abortion of an idea that Lucie has pointed out, and you get to pummel them with a baseball bat, pour lighter fluid on them, and ignite them with a strike-anywhere match.
“Does that answer your question, Mr. Adapter? I could always explain myself more explicitly, if need be.”
Phouka, I like the way you think. Problem is the adapter is just the tip of the iceburg. You still have to whack the producer, the exec producer, the exec producer’s girlfriend, the director, the entire marketing department, and the studio president’s dog groomer. It gets time-consuming, and then there’s all those explanations (“but officer, he cast Michael Caine as Captain Nemo, for chrissakes!”).
A couple years ago I had hopes that a pre-superstar Kevin Spacey might play Dortmunder. sigh
I loved Dune (the first two installments, once Paul became a god, well, I lost interest.) Now everytime I think of Dune I get this mental picture of Linda Hunt intoning “I am Shadout Mapes. The housekeeper!”
And let us not get into what Ralph Bakshi did to Lord of the Rings.
Wait a minute. Martin Lawrence used to be funny? When was that? As near as I can tell, he’s just been screaming WAZZUP for the last ten years. Or were the wazzups funnier in the first couple years and then he lost his touch?