Dave’s not here, man.
Sorry, wrong number.
Listen, kid, you paid for the call.
Long Distance Runaround
Have I reached the party to whom I am speaking?
You see, this phone system consists of a multibillion-dollar matrix of space age technology that is so sophisticated, even we can’t handle it. But that’s your problem, isn’t it? So, the next time you complain about your phone service, why don’t you try using two Dixie cups with a string? We don’t care. We don’t have to. We’re the phone company.
This is United States calling, are we reaching—
(click!)
Here at the Phone Company, we serve all kinds of people, from presidents and kings to the scum of the earth.
Reach out, reach out and touch someone…
We’ve been trying to reach you about your extended warranty.
Mr. Wright? Hi, it’s your student loan officer.
Dear friend, I am a Nigerian prince.
And once your downline is selling, you’ll be able to retire!
Have you considered timesharing a condo?
Profit!!!
??? 
What’d I say?
“Dare to be Stupid”
But… we’re here to wipe out ignorance.
That’s what they want you to think.