Needs some random lab equipment.
“Half a star.”
That’s funny as hell that Faux is spending airtime covering this. They probably have to be careful to not show any large gatherings of people anywhere else, like at a bus stop.
Some of the other delicious food available: that ooze-y goodness isn’t cheese, it’s uncooked batter.
You mean, they can’t even do a corndog right?
Screwing up a corndog is easy since you can’t really see what it looks like on the inside. That is, if you have no training (or bad training), no experience, don’t give a shit, etc.
All you have to do to do it right is figure it out once, and then just keep doing that. That’s how minimum wage teenagers are able to be competent at it.
If you asked me to deep fry a corndog out of nowhere I’d surely fuck it up. I’ve never fixed a corndog in my life that wasn’t just some frozen pre-made thing I stuck in a toaster oven, following instructions. But I’m also not someone whose job it is to prepare food for customers over and over again.
(On the flip side, with the attendance that this event has, that might be the first and maybe even last corndog that vendor has ever cooked.)
Her expression is that of an entire nation.
But this is the greatest state fair in the greatest country in the history of the greatest human race ever! It should have corndogs so good your toes would curl.
Then they should be cooked until the consistency of beef jerky and floating in a pool of ketchup.
(Or is that only for steaks?)
The proper way to eat a corndog is to put a bunch of ketchup on a plate. Then add slightly less yellow mustard. Then use the tip of the corndog to stir it all together into an unholy orange mess. Then keep dipping, eating, dipping eating until said corn dog is gone.
You’re welcome!
Every aspect of this “Great American” Thing is a celebration of ineptitude:
(Philip N. Cohen documents a ton of Awful at the Fair. I have to wonder if major-fuckups are an unsung feature of every dictatorship. When most of the money is going into the accounts of Dear Leader, corners DO get cut.)
That’s true, or even a food court that offered snack sized and full sized portions of a few state specialty foods. If they had done this right it could’ve been good……..if it wasn’t so partisan they could’ve had big music acts every night, and if they had given the states some money and more space they could’ve had larger exhibits that were actually interesting and informative.
It’s all about getting as much money as you can from donors, spending as little as possible on the actual fair, and packeting the rest as management and consulting fees…..their actual business model for everything.
But since it’s a partisan event, I have few suggestions on how they can attract more MAGA.
- Put a big gallows on the lawn, and let people pay $5 to hang an effigy of Mike Pence. They could even add other RINO’s to the menu.
- A booth where people can line up to hit a cop with a flagpole, if you knock one out you win a confederate flag or a Viking hat.
- Instead of a bathroom, put a giant replica of Nancy Pelosi’s desk on the green and let people crap on that.
I add a little mayo into the mix, but YES!
- They can put a Haitian family in a cage and everyone can yell obscenities at them.
And now I can stop waiting for an American remake of DH Lawrence’s “Figs.”
Funny enough, that’s exactly how I eat one in real life, and have since I was a kid. All the way down to “stick to stir”. (You don’t need much of the stick and I never get my hands messy.)
I’ve sort of been avoiding coverage of this because it’s being reported as a Trumpfest, but I finally saw some video of it and it’s crazy how easy this all would have been.
50 states, 50 booths, 50 places for states to highlight what makes them unique. Unique ethnic and cultural histories, unique customs, etc. Just call this a “celebration of diversity” and the appeal is obvious – good food, good entertainment, good people. It’s a no-brainer, it’s basically ever city’s cultural fairs compressed into the national mall.
Except this administration has made “diversity” a forbidden word. If you’re not celebrating America’s diversity and it’s 250 years of being a melting pot, what are you celebrating? All the ways we’re all the same? Woopty do, I can get a taste of American mediocrity down the street.
What a flawed concept.
Yes. Corn dogs, country music, white skin and only the proper parts of the Bible. And most of all, how much we all universally respect and admire Trump.
America 250 would probably have been what you describe, but Trump’s deplorables took over and made it Freedom 250, and we end up with half-assed bootleg back alley bullshit.
and poorly executed too.