I just got back from taking RickQ to the airport and it could not have been more painful. I cried on and off most of the day and was sobbing all over the poor man at the airport. With him in England and me here in Michigan, until he gets his visa, we will be visiting back and forth every few months, so I know that we will have many days like today.
I need help. How have those of you who have been in long term long distance relationships managed the frequent partings? If there is an easier way, I need to find it.
I always thought that since our time together was precious, that the last minutes should be joyful rather than weepy affairs. Know it’s rough, and had my share of the tearful goodbyes as well. But when you’re going to be apart, and know that in a few months you’ll be back together, it provides a lot better memories to get through the days ahead to have a wild passionate night and a fun goodbye.
Save the tears until you’re alone, and it may not seem so bad 'cause you just stored up some good memories…
I remind myself that I’ll get to see him again soon. (The countdown in currently at 19 days. :D)
I remember that no matter how many miles are between us, we’re always with one another. (It may sound cheesy, but it’s true.)
We kiss and hug and generally love on each other at the airport. (Cute story: Simetra was heading back to Alabama after spending a week with me and my family in New York. We were sitting by the gate, engaging in a public display of affection, when it was announced that his flight had been cancelled. As we stood in line at the ticket counter, a little girl who was probably around seven years old came up to us and stated, “I saw what you two were doing while we were sitting and waiting for the plane.” Her mom pulled her away; Stephen and I looked at each other and laughed. A few minutes later, while Stephen was busy dealing with ticket agent, I went to pick up his luggage. As I was walking back to the counter, the same little girl came running over to me and said, “I think you guys are a cute couple, and you should stay together for a really, really long time” before skipping off towards her mother. :))
I also cry before either of us boards the plane, which may not seem like the best of ideas, but it does mean that I have Stephen to kiss away my tears.
The whole advice about make the last moment happy is crap!'m currently in a long distance relationship and i love my guy to pieces, but it is hard. He just came up to visit me and when he left i was in tears all day and still am. I know I’ll see him again, but I went from spending every moment with him to just having to talk to him online…it’s terrible.And true my memories of being with him help, but also they make me sadder because i can’t experience that anymore.The type of relationship I have with him is one where I’m perfectly content doing nothing as long as he’s with me and I never get tired of him (something that was a problem in pasy relationships). So I guess my advice is to just cry…yeah, it becomes easier but also tears let you know that you still feel something for them. Also try to take away little momentos of them. Foe example I love my guys smell so I went and bought his deodorant so I can smell it when I start to miss him and I have 2 of his t-shirts, his blanket from the navy and a stuffed animal he had when he was young.
Everything, it seems, gets better with time. After a few partings, you get used to them and they don’t hurt quite as badly. They still sting quite a bit, but after a while you realize that the date of your next reunion doesn’t seem quite as far away as it used to.
So, yeah, that’s my advice. The night before The Big Flight, talk about things that you’ll do when he comes back/you go visit. Sure there’ll still be tears, but they’ll be just a tad happier.
Then there’s always the sex until exhaustion route. Ideally, by the time you wake up and are capable of coherent thought, he’ll be calling you from England.
First time I cried for 48 hours (half those prior to leaving, scary since I didn’t know if I’d see him again). Second time it was for 4 hours in flight and another 4 after landing. Third time was around 2 hours, fourth, I managed to make it to the car before i started! That was a major achievement for me. And I managed to choke them back in 20 min or so (good since I was driving a long way). The last time I didn’t cry at all for a day or so, but only because I didn’t look back.
Note: NEVER watch the plane take off. That’s a sure cry-factor. There is nothing wrong with crying, per se, but if I give in to it I’m incapaciated with sorrow. This is a problem when I’m 8 hours from home.
The last time was 3 weeks ago. I get to wait until January now.
Sorry, can’t help you with any advice.
I was the same,
with saying good bye to Montfort,
it just hurts badly.
Just try to be strong and hang in there,
it’s worth it.
I also want to say
that I feel with the 2 of you,
and hope you can get the visa fixed soon,
so you can be together like we are now.
Good luck Kram
No advice, but I can tell you that after years of having to say goodbye to friends, family, boyfriends, etc in airports (I went 1000 miles away to college, and always seemed to be in LD relationships) it took five years before I could walk into an airport without getting choked up. Even when I was travelling on business. Just being in an airport got me wracked up, and seeing other people saying goodbye or hello made me cry.
Also, beware of the “picked fight.” I used to pick a fight with my boyfriend every Sunday. It took me at least 6 months to figure out I was doing this. I don’t know why, exactly. I just didn’t want to say goodbye and go back to a week away from him, and for some reason I dealt with this by nitpicking.
Then again, you’re a psychologist, surely you don’t pull such dysfunctional crap.
I sure know how you feel. I don’t have any advice for you, though. Saying goodbye to Thomas (Spiny Norman) is agonizing and I can’t imagine it ever being any other way. I miss him desperately. Being apart from him this past week in particular has been complete hell. I really need a hug.
Good luck to you and Rick in getting his visa processed quickly so you won’t have to suffer these separations for much longer.
I just have to say that it sucks being apart. Brynda and I were both very tearful yesterday (I love you, sweetheart). I was ok on the plane home, but when I landed at the airport it finally hit me. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down, then again when I saw my mum (who picked me up) and again when I got home. I feel a lot better now than I did in April, but maybe that is cause I am not home alone.
I got to talk to my sweetie on the phone not long after I got home though
It is only a couple of months until we plan to be back together again.
I miss you, honey. Tell Gracie I am thinking of her too (our cat)
If both of you have relatively decent 'net connections, get a microphone, and possibly a vid cam for the computer, and something like Netmeeting (or any teleconfencing software). Unless he has to pay by the mintue/hour for his connection its cheaper than calling long distance, and with the camera set up you can see each other.
It’s not quite as good as being together in person, but it helps ease the pain a bit.
I’ll cross my fingers for you that this seperation doesn’t last any longer than it absolutely has to.
__
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I’m usually OK once I’m actually on the plane, it’s the last few minutes at the airport that really hurt. I rather wish it were the other way around – I don’t want to be a soggy mess during my last few minutes with my guy, but then again I guess it’s better than being in tears on a plane filled with strangers.
No easy answers here, unfortunately. I’m hoping it’ll be better once we’re on the same general continent (with a bit o’ luck I’ll be moving to the Czech Republic or Poland next year … not ideal, but probably the closest place I can get a legal job).
Oh, I forgot to mention one of the totally sappy things I did once. The night before I left, I shot a few minutes of video that I appended to a tape of anime that I made for my then-SO. I’m not sure, but there may have been singing involved.
(You’d think that I wouldn’t subject someone I loved to such a fate, right? Well, maybe I thought that her nausea would help her forget the heartache?)
I agree with what everyone has been saying. It seems that after the first few times of saying goodbye, it gets not easier, but more manageable. It definitely helps to have a date in mind for when you can see each other again. I have been doing this for a year now and it’s getting better and we only have less than a year until we’ll be together again for good. But I guess my advice would be to enjoy the time you have and crying isn’t a bad thing, but it will get better.
You know how sometimes when you think you’ve got it bad, and then you hear about some other poor schmuck whose got it worse, you somehow feel a little better? I offer my story in that spirit.
My husband (then fiance) and I lived 6,000 miles apart for over 2 years. Communication to his part of the world was available only by letters (1 month to arrive, if they arrived) or phone, though the connection was always horrible and often I couldn’t get through–sometimes for more than a month at a time. Frequent flying was not possible, due to the cost of the air tickets and the time it took to reach his village–there was no way to make the RT in less than 3 weeks and most of that time would be spent in transit. During that 2 1/2 year period, I saw him twice and talked to him about every 6 weeks. The last time I said good bye to him I swore I would never go thorugh another teary airport parting, and we haven’t.
Brynda, honey, don’t think of it as frequent goodbyes - think of it as frequent hellos. The fact you’ve been able to see each other as many times as you have is a blessing. (I did the San Francisco-to-Glasgow thing for a year and a half, during which time we saw each other exactly once!)
It’s rough, I know. But as Rick says it is only a few more months. They’ll go faster than you think.
Aw, you guys are the best. Thanks to everyone for all the advice and all the good wishes. I knew long distance relationships were hard, but I never knew I could miss someone so much. Then again, I never knew I could love someone this much either.
A few specifics:
I did keep a tee, msplaced, and you are right, it helps. I think we are both feeling a bit better now, although I know we will miss each other until we can be together.
Cranky, hate to blow your image of psychologists, but my mom and I used to fight the last day I was visiting every time I saw her. I finally figured it out a few years ago that it is our (admittedly dysfunctional) way of being able to say goodbye. Rick and I didn’t do that, thank goodness.
I agree with Serendipity and TripleAnt that it helps to have a date for the next time we see each other. It looks like Nov 10, which is only 7 weeks away. That seems like a long time until I remember our last separation was 4 1/2 months–way too long. We have vowed never to go that long again without seeing each other.
Lucky, I can’t resist: You aren’t lucky at all. It really cheered me up to read your story. If you guys could survive that, we can survive this.
Nice way of thinking about it, ruadh. I have to admit that the hellos are fantastic.
Last, but not least, {{{{Shayna}}}} Sorry to hear you are having a bad week.