So… a really good friend and I have recently rekindled our relationship.
She has children who are the light of her life and a husband whom, she confided, she merely tolerates, and often dislikes. Divorce is out of the question. I respect her stance even if I can’t fully appreciate it and I will not try to push her in that direction.
I have a goofball, imperfect husband who is my polar opposite in countless ways and who drives me nuts sometimes, but whom I unconditionally adore. We want desperately to bear a child, but alas, my body isn’t cooperating. Adoption is out of the question. My friend respects our stance even if she can’t fully appreciate it and will not try to push us in that direction.
Neither of our choices is the subject of my question and… PLEASE… should not be a subject for debate in this forum.
Long before husbands and children, she and I were very very close, could discuss anything. We are both good listeners, talkers, empathizers, sympathizers, and jokesters. We get each other. We drifted apart as our lives got more complicated, but I think we’ve both at a point where we need a good friend.
She hasn’t shared her feelings about her husband with many people. She apologized for being a downer when we talked about it, but if she genuinely needs to talk, I’m want to provide her that outlet. I feel honored that she feels she still feels so close to me.
What does a good friend do? Bring it up and fuel her fire? Wait for her bring it up and run the risk that she might think I’m disinterested? Can I talk to her about the good aspects of my relationship with my husband or do I need to stick with stories that call him out as a doofus? (I’ve got plenty of those :rolleyes:, but it doesn’t seem fair to him to censor myself in that way.)
I certainly don’t expect her to censor what she tells me about her kids. Sometimes I need to talk about my infertility (not the clinical part, but the emotional repercussions). Sometimes I want to bury it and talk about anything else.
Are the odds that this rekindling will become a let’s-talk-about-your-misery- so-I-can-feel-better-about-myself fest? Or can I trust that this, a once genuine and sincere relationship, will prove to be as supportive and loving as it ever was?
) and figure out from there if she wants a sympathetic ear or advice or whatever. Ditto for your infertility issues; nothing wrong with calling her and saying “I’m really bummed today, can we talk for a while?” or “Sorry, I’d really rather not talk about it today” and steering the conversation towards a more neutral subject.