Just an update…the plumbers made it out late yesterday. Our pipe is frozen at the source (meter) because the assholes who did the installation only buried the pipe about a foot underground. It should have been at least 30", according to the plumbers. They were unable to use their thawing machine as it uses electrical current to thaw and they needed copper at both ends for conduction. We have copper on one end and plastic on the other, apparently (I had gone back to the hotel by this point).
It doesn’t look like we’re getting much above freezing the next several days so it looks like we’re SOL. And since we have two dogs (and no nearby hotels that allow pets and we wanted to be close to home to keep an eye on things), we’ll be force-flushing the toilets (or driving to the gas station or grocery store) and taking GI baths.
So, yeah. Valuable and depressing lesson learned.
I want to thank all of you who’ve responded and offered support and suggestions. It’s appreciated.