My grandma has end stage bone cancer. I found out yesterday. Its terminal, untreatable, and about as painful as just about anything imaginable. Her stupid-ass fuck-wad doctor, told her for over 2 months that her pain was just arthritis acting up and to take advil. ADVIL, for end stage cancer pain. Thats great.
My mom is totally freaking out and is stoned on Xanax at all times, weaping inconsolably into the phone. Great.
And finally, just to top off my day, the guy that I’m totally in love with, doesn’t even know I’m alive. Great.
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK.
This is not going to be a good day.
I hope my grandma’s doctor trips on the way to work today, and ruins a good pair of pants.
First, I’m sorry about your grandmother. Nothing makes me more sad than to see someone in pain. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.
Next, the doctor. I’d like to hear your diagnosis as I rip your intestines out. How cruel can you be, to make a person under unfortunate circumstances suffer? “I made a mistake. I just misdiagnosed the problem”, he says. Bullshit. It’s your job. You’re a DOCTOR, for Christ’s sake. I understand about mistakes and all, but as a doctor, you should be held to a higher standard, as people depend on you. 'Nuff said about that.
Last, the object of your affection. Why doesn’t he know who you are? Why aren’t you approaching him, maybe asking him if he wants to get a beer or something. You have nothing to lose. If he blows you off, you’ve lost nothing. If he doesn’t, then BINGO, you can start a relationship.
I’ve had bad days, but nothing like what you’re having. I’m sorry I can’t do more for you. If you need to talk or anything, everything you need is in my profile. I hope things get better for you.
Damn, alice, that really sucks about your grandmother. I think I would at least file a report with the State Medical Board on that doctor. How wrong can one man be?
Been there. Hate that. Would rather perform my own root canal.
ALICE, I would encourage your family to talk to someone at or about your local hospice program. They can be very very helpful to a family dealing with a terminally ill relative and are used to people who are having trouble coping (as it sounds like your mom is). They also are very adept at dealing with doctors who do not understand the pain management needs of the terminally ill. (Many doctors, even today, do not like to “over-medicate” with pain medication for fear of causing addiction. This can be so ingrained with their training that they can have difficulty realizing that addiction is not a major concern for the terminally-ill.) The very least your grandmother deserves is to be pain-free, or as close to pain-free as they can make her. Advil will not cut it, but morphine might.
Ditto AD’s advice for the guy. Make him notice you.
I will reiterate the wise words I once used for someone else in this case:
cancer sucks.
Sorry. Hope you weren’t expecting anything profound (I save that for class these days). And I’ll also echo Jodi’s hospice suggestion. They are wonderful.
FWIW, my father the RN says that you have a potential lawsuit on your hands with the doctor.
The Dr. is such an asshole, I can’t get over it. He phoned my mom last thursday and said “Yer mom has cancer. Don’t tell her, it will ruin her weekend. I’m going to be away until monday. Click.”
Didn’t tell my mom what kind of cancer, where, how, prognosis, etc, etc. Left her with crappy advil.
I’m flying out there on Friday, and if I meet the man, I will probably bitch slap him with my boot.
Re the guy. Technically, he knows exactly who I am. We go out and do stuff all the time. I just don’t think hes, ya know, interested. Small, small problem in the grand scheme of things, but just one more piss-off.
Doctor calls the patient and says, “I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”
The patient asks, “What’s the good news?”
The doctor replies, “You have a terrible disease and have only two days to live.”
“Oh my god!” says the patient. “What’s the bad news?”
“I tried and tried to get in touch with you yesterday.” Alice, I have nothing more to add than what other posters expressed. Please allow me to put in a few good words for Hospice. Dying is difficult for the patient and the family. Hospice workers understand this and work to make the death as good of a death as possible. My FIL was diagnosed and we had Hospice in within the week. All of the workers did everything they could to make him and us as comfortable as possible, physically and emotionally. Pain medication was never an issue. Hospice worked with his doctor and made sure he was receiving all the medication he wanted. They made sure that he had as much control as possible up until the end.
The end result will be the same, and we all extend heartfelt sympathies, but it can be made much easier with Hospice.
My first reaction about the doctor was to warn against rushing to judgement. I mean, if an elderly woman comes into my office complaining of joint pain, the most likely culprit, and therefore the first angle of attack, would be arthritis. Of course, the doctor should not rule out other possibilities.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
I second the suggestions about seeking out hospice care and speaking to the state Medical Board.
As someone who’s watched far too many people she loves die,I know what you’re going through and my email is always open.
Same for the guy situation too=trust me,I’ve been there.
He left her on Advil over the weekend after he knew she had bone cancer?! :eek: :mad:
At the very least, you should make a formal complaint to whatever hospital he’s affiliated with, as well as the state licensing authorities. That’s just criminal.
I second all suggestions regarding filing complaints - many, loudly, and as often as it takes.
My father had prostate cancer which metaastasised to the bone (and it was missed at first due to arthritis being “expected” at the age of 70). It’s an extremely painful form of cancer and needs specialised pain management, so hospice-style pain management is absolutely vital. I don’t know what the current protocols are, but dad was also given other treatments to minimise his discomfort - while these were active treatments, they were given for palliative reasons, not in order to influence the outcome of the disease (which was terminal by the time it was detected). You may want to talk to your grandma’s specialist and find out whether these are appropriate in her case.
Palliative care teams provide extraordinary support to families as well as ensuring the patient maintains maximum control and dignity of their life - use the support they offer.
And finally, good thoughts and prayers to you and your whole family at this very difficult time.
