My first car was a 1971 Chrysler Newport, and in one of the stupider moments of my life, I sold the thing. In the years since, I’ve missed that car, and I’ve looked for another one for sale. I came close to buying another one, but was talked out of it by a friend.
I’ve been checking the local classifieds, eBay, and Hemmings Motor News, but I’ve not been able to find one that I could afford. Last week, however, I spot a 1970 model (which is identical except for a few cosmetic details) for sale for only $350, plus it’s only a short drive away! (All the others have been out of my price range, or too far away for me to consider.) Money’s a bit tight, but I can swing it, so I place a bid for $400 and wait, figuring I’ll be outbid (the engine alone is worth more than that). As I watch the auction, no one’s bidding on the car!
She’s going to be mine again! I can’t wait, I’m planning the trip, figuring out my finances, I’m more stoked about this than I have been about anything else in a long, long time! I even think of a name for the car: Athena.
As the final minutes of the auction run down, I keep checking to see if the car’s going to be mine or if I’ll be outbid at the last moment. Someone finally bids against me, driving the price up a couple of dollars, but not much. Then, two minutes before the end of the auction, eBay goes wonkers and the page won’t load! When the page finally does reload, the auction’s over and I’ve got the car!
Yeehaw! Back when I was in high school, my favorite thing to do with the car was to go out on the back roads late at night when the Moon was full, turn the radio off, roll the windows down, and turn off the headlights. The car was absolutely silent as she rolled down the road. No matter how much I gunned the engine, you couldn’t hear it. The first thing I planned to do when I got the car home, and made sure it was roadworthy was to take her out on a moonlit night and repeat that.
Yesterday, I get home from work and find a bill I’ve forgotten to pay. No biggie, really, it’ll put a dent in my finances, but I can still pay the bill and afford to get the car. I log on to the internet to check my bank balance to make sure that I’ve got enough cash in my account, I’ve got almost a $300 dollar check in my pocket from my other job that I haven’t cashed yet, so I should be in good shape. Hmmm, my bank account’s lower than it should be. I start thinking of things I can sell, bills I can put off, and ways I can save money in order to be able to pay for the car and survive. It looks like I can squeak by, but just barely.
As I’m going through the change in my pockets, I notice that most of the coins were all minted in 1970. That has to be a good omen! I sleep a little restlessly, I don’t have much left to sell of value that I could get quick cash for, so I figure I’ll go to one of those cash advance places, to get the money to cover my expenses. I’ll have to put myself on short rations (i.e. one meal a day), cut back on everything else, but I should be able to do it.
So, this morning, I run to the bank to deposit my paycheck, and when I send the check through the super sucker tube at the drive-thru, I’m thinking of other ways to save money. “I’m going to put your current balance on your reciept, along with your previous balance.” The teller says. That’s kind of odd, I think. They’ve never done that before. “Your account was in the negative, but with your deposit, it’s back in the positive. You might want to look into it.” Ye gads! What the fuck happened? I get my receipt and discover that my account was in the hole by a $100! Sheeyit! I don’t have time to go into the bank and find out what’s caused this, I’ve got to run home and grab a few things before I go to work, so I zip on home.
Still, I’m thinking, there has to be a way for me get the money. I get another paycheck on Friday, but that’s got to go towards rent and another bill, hmm. It’s not looking good. I get home, and my roommate, Jojo the Idiot Boy says, “I got laid off from my job today.”
I feel the slightest PUFF of air against my ass, and then the giant throbbing cock of the Great Cosmic All penetrates my rectum. I am totally fucked. Even if Jojo the Idiot boy manages to get a job tomorrow (ain’t no fucking way that’s going to happen), it’ll put him behind on paying me his share of the bills. A delay I simply cannot afford if I’m going to have any hope at all of getting the car. I hear the voice of the Great Cosmic All whispering in my ears, “You’re such an easy bitch to fuck, you know that?”:mad:
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