fuck Oprah: "The Secret"

Cafe Society
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The stupidest bullshit ever committed to any video medium, The Secret–for the more retarded of the What the Bleep Do We Know? fans–is her latest crap to cram down the throats of the gullible masses. *The Secret * is a “feature length” ( :rolleyes: ) infomercial for the most inane bit of claptrap anyone ever charged $24.95 for. Guess what the *secret * is? If you think about the things you want, the electrical impulses of your brain will go out into the world and *attract * those things to you. This is called the "law of attraction ( :rolleyes: ) and is a closely guarded secret held by all the great figures of history, inlcuding “Aristotle, W. Clement Stone, Plato, Isaac Newton, Martin Luther King, Carl Jung, Victor Hugo, Henry Ford, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Robert Collier, Winston Churchill, Andrew Carnegie, Joseph Campbell, Alexander Graham Bell, Ludvig Van Beethoven, Charles Fillmore, Wallace D. Wattles, Thomas Troward, and Charles F. Haanel.” ( :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ). This “law” is explained by a motley collection of talking heads with professional titles such as “Metaphysician.” ( :rolleyes: )

Some of our Stepfordian customers have asked if we were going to get this in to rent, and we have politely answered “yeah, right.” Turns out [first warning sign], there is no wholesale distributor; if we want to buy copies for the store, we have to pay full retail price–almost twice what we pay for any other title. Also, of course, each copy comes with an order form for the accompanying book. I can’t be cheesed to figure out how much this book costs, but I’ll bet it ain’t $4.99.

Has Oprah become so insulated from reality that she can’t smell the bullshit and scamminess of this thing? She is going to make these hucksters millionaires, and make me hate my customers (yes, my boss paid retail for 5 copies).

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As for the fucking variety, Oprah is not my type. YMMV.

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The other day she was humping John Edward’s leg. You know, the psychic medium? Then she profiled the “real” Alison Dubois. You know, the other psychic medium on TV?

My roommate eats this stuff up. If Oprah breaths on it, it’s for real.

Oprah needs to start a suicide cult for her followers. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

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It isn’t even new claptrap. I’ve seen this idea several times before, although I don’t remember by whom (I try to put such things out of my mind).

One interesting thing about the list of historical figures is that so many of them reached their goals through hard work and intelligence. These people used their minds to get what they wanted by applying themselves to problems, not by some nebulous “if you think it they will come” approach.

Oprah also recently had on some “psychics” to help people communicate with their dead relatives. Of course she didn’t have on anyone like James Randi to present an opposing point of view.

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How can anyone not think about the things they want? :confused:

Is there secret chanting or meditation involved?

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Hmm, you’d think Martin Luther King’s brainwaves would have gone out into the world with the mission “don’t let some asshole shoot me.”

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I’ve got friends who’ve been swearing by “The Secret” long before Oprah did a show about it. Considering what’s happened to them via the theory, I’d say there’s some truth to it.

They all have their vision boards prominently placed in their homes. One of my friends says that, by looking at the vision board, your goals will always be part of your subconscious.

Another friend didn’t realize she’d accomplished everything on her vision board until years after she’d made it. She’s started another.

A lot of people need something concrete (in this case, a vision board) in front of them to remind themselves of what they wish to attract. A vision board is basically one of those free-form collages you used to make as a kid. You cut out and arrange pictures of what you wish to attract. It can be an object, it can be an idea (one of my friends has a couple on hers because she wants a loving relationship), it can be anything. You place the vision board somewhere where you know you’ll look at it every day. As I understand it, looking at the board keeps your “attractions” firmly in your subconscious.

I admit the topic intrigues me. I’m teetering on the vision board thing just to see if it actually works. And no, I’m not an Oprah fan. Can’t even think of the last time I watched her show.

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To see if it really works?

You understand, don’t you, how this kind of thing “works”? If you get what you chant for, it works; if you don’t, you somehow didn’t chant right or something. All the “proof” you need. Some of the things you wish for will happen, “proving” the efficacy; some of them won’t, proving your failure to wish hard enough. The followers of such claptrap never blame the “secret” for not working, they just assume they didn’t do it right–because, one time? at band camp? when I must’ve somehow done it right? It DID work that time, so it MUST work! I’ll just wish harder! I know, maybe if I buy the book . . .

Newsflash: even for people who’ve never heard of “the secret,” some wishes come true and some don’t.

Right. Guy at work, says, "You know how I know this doesn’t work? I think about sex all the time . . . "

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I wouldn’t fuck Oprah if you wraped her in Sanitary Plastic™ first.

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I must be a bad person, because this made me laugh and laugh.

Weirdly enough, I’ve got another window open with Amazon up, and it popped up with the book version of *The Secret * on the front page. At first, from the title and the look of the cover, I thought it might be a novel, and Amazon was suggesting it due to my purchases of *The Ghostwriter * and The Thirteenth Tale. Talk about a disappointment!

From the info there, I gather that the elements of this, er, program that work are roughly as follows:

  1. If you think nice thoughts, your life will generally be more pleasant.
  2. If you focus on the things you want, it’s easier to attain them.
  3. Having visual reminders can help you focus.

Wow. What a revelation. I suppose that’s why they had to wrap it up in the total, complete, and utter bollocks of “vibrations” and such shit. Whenever I think I’ve become utterly jaded about the gullibility of most people, I get surprised again.

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The book costs just under 15 bucks at the time of this posting.

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[Moderator mumbles] I’ve edited the thread title to be a little more specific. I’m not sure whether this thread, even so, doesn’t belong in the Pit, but we’ll leave it here for a while to see what develops.

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This is a damn stupid book. (It’s a book, too. Yay.) We’ve got it at work, and we’ve got a little note taped to the front computer that says, “Whenever you sell a copy of The Secret, God kills a kitten”.

I flipped through ten pages. You can tell it’s really, like, mystical and awesome because all the pages are printed to look aged. It’s the same crap as The Law of Attraction and Ask and it is Given by Esther Hicks. lissener summed it up quite nicely. If you learn to want in the right way (not work for, not plan for) you’ll get your pony, magically. Or sports car, or supermodelling career.

The greatest part (the part that gets me frothingly mad) is that that book and other books like it smugly blame anyone who’s got bad shit happening to them, because if your mom dies and you’re born with AIDS and you’re depressed and get cancer and your dog gets run over it’s your fault, for not thinking positive thoughts. If you’d really wanted good stuff, in the right way, none of this would happen.
Aagh.

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Sounds to me like she wasn’t focused on her “vision board” at all, then.

You don’t need to drop $25+ on this psychobabble. Make a list of what you want to do, post it in a prominent place, figure out ways you can work to achieve those items.

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Noel Edmonds, a cheesy TV presenter in the UK, claims that Cosmic Ordering resurrected his career and got him the job presenting Deal or No Deal.

But even more bizarrely, Scott Adams of Dilbert fame swears by it too.

“I’ll have a thin-crust with extra pepperoni, a career, big house, and fries, to go.”

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Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo Nam myo ho ren-ge kyo…

Damn, I’m not a millionaire yet!

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Ten thousand more and you would have made it.

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I think that the first popular proponent of this pabulum was Shakti Gawain. Years ago, after my infant son died someone at a grieving parents group tried to espouse her theories. Not surprisingly the parents there found it difficult to accept that they had “attracted” their child’s death because it was what they “needed”.

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I just came in here to say a couple of things.

First of all you’re giving the Secret sort of short shrift in my opinion. If I understand it correctly, it’s a form of self help that revolves around focusing on what you really want in life.

They are, admittedly, simple secrets; “What you focus on in your life will expand.” So if you’re having some nagging difficulty in your life and it becomes your constant focus it will become what your whole life is about. Focus on the good, yeah, it’s pretty simple.

Also it’s for people who are having difficulty finding direction in life. Lots of people know what they don’t want, “I don’t want to be poor, I don’t want to be alone, I don’t want…”, and they are just saying there is a positive effect to be realized by framing that all as what you want instead of what you don’t want.

Lots of people are just struggling away in their lives and wondering what it’s all for, because lots of people got into the game without clear aims. The secret advocates are only trying to lead them to more fulfilled lives by getting them to develop concrete aims. It’s true, if you can’t imagine it for yourself you probably can’t achieve it.

Sure the message that you can’t succeed if you can’t picture yourself succeeding is hardly a new one, but that doesn’t decrease it’s importance.

Clearly you are too evolved to require any such direction, good for you. But take a look around, what do you see? Hell, take a look around this bulletin board, it’s filled with tales of coworkers, brothers, strangers being bad parents, bad employees, or flat out bad people. People are floundering all around you and maybe there is virtue in trying to reach them instead of just, y’know, condemning them from some high horse.

Do you need Dr Phil’s advice? Probably not, but clearly millions think he is saying something of value. Since he’s only advocating for stable families and making peace, addressing your issues, owning your baggage etc I don’t think he deserves the vitriol.

Rants against Oprah fall into the same category. It’s not your cup of tea, turn the channel. You’re too smart to learn anything from someone so, y’know, popular, we get it.

Lots of people have been inspired and helped by both Dr Phil and Oprah and the thinking they have exposed them to, thus their continued popularity. There are lots of people out there actively doing evil in the world for me to get upset over people who are trying to make a positive difference.

Meh.

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I thought Oprah was all into “finding your spirit” and getting closer to the Entity-Which-Shall-Remain-Nameless-For-The-Sake-of-Ratings. Doesn’t this go counter to all of that, as it reduces the power of prayer and the supernatural into electrical impulses? You mean, we don’t have to ask God for help? All we have to do is stare at a collage we pieced together from magazine cut-outs, and we get what we want? Even if we don’t deserve it?

I enjoyed Oprah better when she was just one step up from Jerry Springer. Every time I turn on the show, I hope for something good like transexual stay-at-home mothers with Tourette’s Syndrome and obese biracial children, but all I ever get are people selling their self-help books. Remember back when the audience could ask questions? Now it’s just Oprah doing all the talking. Shut up, woman, before I clock you like that white man did on The Color Purple! That will take you down a peg, Miz Sophia!