Today, MaxBabe and I went shopping for furniture. Specifically, we went shopping for a chest of drawers for the laundry area, so that we could put freshly-washed clothes into some sort of order.
We went to Super A-Mart, which had quite a range of stuff. The moment I walked into the store, the smell hit me. The smell of wood, manufactured into various items of furniture. I love that smell!
So, out of interest, I started looking around. I recall having joked with MaxBabe that we’d go into the store looking for something and eventually emerge from it with everything but. Oh, how prophetic those words were. We found a set of shelves, a TV unit, an armoire and a chest of drawers. We were also suckered into checking out the sofas, because our current one is a heap of shit! Actually, it’s not a heap of shit, but it needs to be reupholstered, and I’m tired of its sagging cushions.
We saw lots of sofas, but none exactly like we wanted. “There’s another A-Mart on the southside”, says I, excitedly, “and Ikea!”. So we trotted off to the southside, confident that we would find what we were looking for.
The A-Mart on the southside was absolutely useless. They had about five sofas like the one we wanted, but not exactly what we were looking for. So we trotted off to Ikea.
Oy vey. What a nightmare! The carpark was absolutely chokkas. Once we finally got a park, the store itself was horrible. Its layout is such that a customer must walk through the entirety of the store, from start to finish, through every single frickin’ display, before being able to exit. One narrow path from which no-one may deviate. ARGH!!!
Ikea had even fewer sofas than the second A-Mart. Fuckers. We felt totally cheated! It’s not a trivial matter to travel from the northside all the way to the southside. :mad:
Anyway. This byzantine maze through which we were forced to pass was a wretched hell. MaxBabe had to pee, and I had a headache. We were forced to march behind the Moron Family, along with their well-inbred cousins, the Village Idiots. Finally! A sign, and it said “EXIT”!!! We raced past the Moron Family to the sign, which pointed to another sign, which in turn pointed to yet another! These signs took us in an enormous loop that could not be circumvented. Fuckers. In frustration, I said (probably too loudly), “What the hell happens when this place goes up in smoke, does everyone die trying to find the exit?!” The woman in front of us laughed, and I knew then that she felt our pain.
And then, a new horror befell us. The checkout. Five lines, each twenty people deep. And no exit for people not making purchases. We ended up begging one of the staff to let us out through a guard-rail. Unbelievable.
Furious, I turned to MaxBabe and said, “We are NEVER going back there again!”. Disheartened, she nodded her agreement.
And then we saw it. The sign that said “discount sofas”. We went inside and the woman there treated us like royalty. We sat and talked about sofas, modules, cushions etc etc. Finally, we agreed on a nice L-shaped sofa, with modules that can be added, moved or removed as needed. MaxBabe was very impressed! We put it on lay-by and will pick it up in a month or two, once it’s paid off. I’m happy to lay down a couple grand on good furniture when we know we’re being properly looked after.
So. We headed back to the original A-Mart, to discover that all the gear we’d had our eyes on (bar the TV unit) was sold, despite not having any “SOLD!” stickers attached to them. :rolleyes: Then we were told we could put the stuff on order, but we’d have to wait twelve weeks for supply.
MaxBabe was very sad. She wanted our new furniture this afternoon, not in three months’ time! I was fuming. I couldn’t believe these fuckers could look us straight in the eye, smiling sweetly, and tell us to wait three months for furniture. MaxBabe turned to me and we discussed the possibility of ordering the gear we wanted. Get the TV unit delivered here on Monday (meaning one of us would have to take the day off work), then order the other stuff, wait three months, and have the other stuff delivered (double delivery fee, double assembly fee, of course)… or just tell them to bite me?
You can guess my answer, I’m sure 
So here I am, sitting on my cruddy old sofa, looking at my tired TV unit, our clothes on the laundry floor, my books in a pile on the coffee table. A-Mart can bite me. For now. Until the next time I get the urge to refurnish my house. 
I still don’t want to give those pricks our money, but they have a monopoly on affordable furnishings.
I feel bad for MaxBabe though. She wanted instant gratification. She wanted us to come home and spend the afternoon assembling furniture, starting to build our home together. I wanted that too!
So to Super A-Mart, and Ikea, a hearty fuck-you! And a big punch in the nose to the cunt who smiled so sweetly at us when telling us to wait three months for our furniture!
Grrr! :mad:
Max.