Fuck You, Advance Auto Parts.

The BBQ Pit
1

I can’t with good conscience pit the poor saps who have sold their souls to such an evil company, nor can I blame the 3 year old in the nicaraguan sweat show who refurbishes automotive electrical parts for them.

No, I must pit the parent corporation.

For you, Advance Auto Parts, sell hope. The hope of a budget minded consumer, who, with enough mechanical aptitude, can fix his own car. The customer takes home that very heavy box and opens it, revealing the pure mechanical joy of a shiny new starter or alternator. That poor consumer, steadfast in his belief that his shiny new starter will continue to start next week, that his alternator will continue to… alternate, months down the road.

That consumer was me, and I have been cheated.

I should have taken the two dead-out-of-box alternators you handed me as a possible sign of things to come, but me, naive me, had faith. Faith that you were a good corporation, a benevolent corporation. I had faith that your executives sat inside of an ivory tower, preaching ideals of quality and cost.

I, the budget minded (ok, fine. fucking cheap) owner of a classic (also see, old as shit) car, have had my hobby taken from me. A year after making the initial purchases from you that put my car back on the road, I turn my key with dread.

Will the new starter fail? Wait… it already did.

Will the new alternator fail? Oh… hmm… it already did too…

Battery? oh.

Thanks to you, Advance Auto Parts, I live a life of fear. Fear that when I start my car, I will be greeted only by the wirring of a starter, or worse, the hollow click of a solenoid.

So fuck you, Advance Auto Parts. Fuck you with a potato up your tailpipe.

2

Sweat shop. :smack:

And fuck you too, keyboard!

3

While you’re at it, pit every single retailer of car parts. They all have the same problems, though some more than others. I personally haven’t had any of these kinds of problems with Kragen’s auto parts, but I know others have.

Best advice: find a new retailer, an independent, or buy online from retailers you can trust. Better yet, find a local shop that rebuilds starters and alternators(these shops usually rebuild both), or buy a newer upgraded model that will fit your car.

I’m sure you already know these things, but it was just a thought.

Sam

4

Hey, I think I might like a nicaraguan sweat show!

:wanders off, singing: For the best parts, people and price, we’re ready in Advance!

5

[Clinton]I feel your pain.[/C]

I had a similiar problem with Auto Zone. Twice.

First, I bought a carb for an old Beetle. I asked whether or not the manifold gasket came with it. “Oh, but of course, sir!” was the cheerful reply. The carb came in and the gasket wasn’t included. I asked someone (not the same person) and was told, “No. You have to buy those separately.” I asked if they had any in stock. “No. But I can have one in a week.” I got the gasket elsewhere.

Second time was an alternator for a POS Dodge Colt (yeah, I know, I hate Dodge, but this was a bastard child with Mitsubishi and I was desparate for a car at the time). The first one lasted one week. The second one was DOA.

6

Advanced Auto Parts sells two types of parts. One year warranty or lifetime. (prorated) The one year parts are cheap and poorly rebuilt and act accordinly.

For example, I got a starter for my old F-150 for 24 bucks with a one year warranty. It lasted just about a year. I replaced it with the one for 60 bucks and it was still on the truck 3 years later.

You get what you pay for even if it’s not advertised up front.

7

Or not. I bought a new battery from Advance and it died hard within 3 months. And I can be pissed at myself too for not saving the receipt. Might as well have burned that $50.

8

Great, now I can’t get that jingle out of my head…

9

Inigo was replacing an alternator for one of his potentially best clients (single mom with 3 aging cars). She was watching/assisting/evaluating to see if Inigo was in fact “all that” as she had been told by a mutual friend.

Slick as you please, the old alternator was out & new one in after about 15 minutes. The engine was running and the battery charging, Inigo was just about to deliver the old “Meh, this one’s on the house” line that usually claims the fanatical loyalty of his customers. Then the goddamned alternator committed a smoky, sparky death–after a measly 30 seconds of operation. There were 2 wires for this aparatus–a little wire attached by a nut, and a bundle that plugs only one way into the back of the unit–Absolutely idiot proof.

Miffed, I remove the unit under the raised eyebrow of the good widow and hie myself down to GuessWhichAutoParts, explain it’s actions, and get a free replacement and an excuse, “Yeah, sometimes they rebuild 'em wrong, something with the brushes. It’s nothing you did.” Slick as you please the new unit is installed and performs as designed.

She takes her cars to the shop now and pays way too much for things she doesn’t need to have done. I blame Advance.

10

On one of the three alternators, you could see a loose wire hanging around inside the damn thing.

I did exact my little bit of free market vengeance though.

People should enjoy seeing this (very work safe link) parked at local car cruises.

11

yea i can tell you from my experience at advance its the worst place ive ever worked in my life dont plan on getting put on full time unless u kiss the managers rear end!!!

12

How would you rate his rear end, As far as kissability? Scale of 1-10? Just for my records.

13

And here’s the thread martinuhrich started to more fully expand on this concept.

14

Linky no worky

15

Linky seven years old.

Cut the dude a break- it probably lasted longer than his alternator.

16

Maybe martinuhrich should try this:

http://stores.ebay.com/Zombie-Auto-Parts

:smiley:

17

There was actually explaining in that thread?