Fuck you, Baltimore network affiliates (long, rambling)

It’s snowing here in Baltimore. It’s snowing quite a lot. In fact, it looks like this storm could set some records for accumulation.

Now, on a day like this it’s really not much use venturing out. I probably could be doing some work, but, hey, it’s Sunday. Hanging out on SDMB all day is also an option. But i decide that, in my nice warm apartment, with the snow bucketing down outside, it might be pleasant to curl up on the couch and watch some TV.

So i make myself a cup of tea, get into my most comfortable lounging clothes, and arm myself with the remote. And what do i find on the box? Our local network affilitates, instead of giving us a nice movie, or even some obscure college basketball game, are devoting every minute of the whole afternoon to informing us that IT’S SNOWING OUTSIDE.

Thankyou very much, you useless fucks. Just in case we couldn’t look out our fucking windows to see that our footpaths are buried under a foot and a half of snow, these self-important cunts decide they need to monopolize the whole afternoon’s aortime to keep us constantly up to date on exactly how much snow is falling, and what it looks like when it hits the ground.

They are full of all sorts of useful advice, these airheads of the airwaves. For example, they caution those of us blocked by a stalled car on an interstate off-ramp to be courteous and help push the stricken vehicle out of harm’s way. Well, that information is really fucking useful to me, parked here on my couch. And i’m sure that all the people trapped on interstate off-ramps are following the story closely on their in-car televisions. Idiots.

We’ve just been informed again, for the tenth time in the last hour, that it is best not to drive in these conditions. Really? Well, you could have knocked me over with a snowflake! You mean, i shouldn’t try and get the little hatchback out from under its naturally-formed igloo and negotiate the four-foot deep drifts on my street? Thank God i had the collective genius of Baltimore’s “news team” to stop me before i made such an automotive faux pas.

And every fifteen minutes we are informed that this storm could exceed the accumulation levels of some of Baltimore’s biggest snowfalls. The famous “blizzard of '96” (when we got about 23" - go ahead, laugh if you live in Buffalo) isn’t looking so ferocious any more.

Why, on a day when television is one of the few things to do, do these fucking morons decide that they need to inflict upon us a snowflake-by-snowflake account of the storm? And the local talking heads, being among the most asinine, least professional bunch of fuck-sticks ever to grace the screen, make the whole experience even worse with their inane ramblings and their much-less-than-scintillating repartee.

None of this is helped by the fact that the other three stations that i get all have crap on them. The WB is showing something with Peter Falk in it, which is normally, by itself, sufficient cause to consider putting my Shorter OED through the TV screen. UPN is showing one of its ubiquitous and awful comedies. I think it was Cosby last time i checked, which is another show that incites in me the need to hear breaking glass. And FOX has the Daytona 500. It’s bad enough watching 50 billboards drive in circles at the best of times, but the race isn’t even going because these great drivers can’t handle their cars in the rain. Bring the Daytona to Baltimore, i say, and run it on the snow-covered beltway.

Of course, if i had cable none of this would be such an issue, but i don’t. As a grad student without too much money, i had to choose between cable TV and a high-speed internet connection, and my need for quick access to online journals for research, and my desire to spend hours on SDMB, won out over my need for 14 episodes of Law and Order every week.

Oh well, looks like i’ll be here on the Boards for the rest of the afternoon.

Thanks for listening.

If you had cable, none of this would be an issue.

Ah. You must have one of those text-only high-speed connections, eh?

It’s snowing? Geeze, I shouldda turned on the news. I had no idea, seeing how I live in an underground bunker. :rolleyes:

Get a DVD player–I’ve been watching Sunset Boulevard, followed by Rashomon.

DVD is next on my list of “to buy” electronic items.

Actually, right now i’m contemplating braving the drifts and the cold for the three-block walk to the video store.

Get a Playstation 2. Combined games console with DVD player. Great for nights in when theres nothing else to do.

Actually, I need the TV news guys to tell me it’s still snowing, because I can’t see outside due to all the snow piled up against the ports of the boat.

Well, no, I really don’t. And I agree wholeheartedly. We were looking for real news this morning and all we’ve seen is the “Snow Stick 9000” stuck in someone’s yard showing us how deep it is. Swell.

The only thing I want to hear is when the airport opens again - I’m supposed to fly out in the morning, but I’m guessing that isn’t going to happen.

Three hunderd and forty-nine shots of some annoying git with a microphone sticking a yardstick into a snowdrift.

Give it a fucking rest already! I know there’s a metric fuck-ton of snow out there! I don’t need a fucking visual aid! Tell me something useful, will you? Oh, wit, you have nothing new to report, save that it’s still snowing… Put the snow info on a crawl across the bottom of the fucking screen, and return my originally scheduled shows, you microcephalic attention whores!

Don’t do it! The broken glass might scratch the cover! Or tear the pages! :eek: :eek: :eek:

Is it just me, or is Marty Bass the most annoying television personality ever?

He’s close, although he has some stiff competition here in Baltimore. I put Jeff Pegues right up there, and all the presenters on WJZ-13 (CBS affiliate) are pretty damn annoying.

By the way, jm, in future please but quotation marks around the word “personality” when using it to describe someone like Bass. :slight_smile:

oh yeah the weather guy ( Brooks Tomlin) form WJZ13 i think , was doing the news yesterday and said that it was a day to play inside with the kids and the pets and stopped himself mid sentence when he said that you should play with yourself aswell… :smiley:

Now that was the only good part about the 48 hour news broadcast…