Well, they were just standing there, waiting, no chairs or anything to make sounds with, really. I guess there may have been some concessions, but all I noticed were the whipping of the hands. And since they seemed to figure that everyone else there was deaf, there wasn’t any vocalization at all…
I took a signed English class once, out of curiosity. The instructor was not deaf, but was also fluent in ASL.
She told us about the exclusive attitudes she experienced with the deaf “community”. She said the signed English was considered by many of the deaf people she knew o be used only in a communications emergency, that it was looked down on by “culturists.”
I’ll add yet one more pile-on vote to Subway’s OP as right on target.
There’s a really good documentary called Sound and Fury that discusses all these issues - deaf culture, deaf identity, whether deafness is or is not a handicap, and how the arrival of cochlear implants has brought it all to a forefront. It centers on a family with both deaf and hearing members, and whether or not the deaf children should get implants - it causes some very deep divisions within the family.
Do you (or anybody else) have any additional examples of these types of taboos and rules? I’m genuinely curious.
All right, I’ll provide a bit of context for people who can’t understand why in the world there would even be such a thing as “Deaf Culture”.
The thing is, if you’re blind, or in a wheelchair, or have severe halitosis, you’re still able to talk to your parents. But most parents of deaf kids are hearing, and don’t sign even a little bit. And while deaf people can learn to vocalize, and can learn to lip read, and so on, the reality for most deaf people throughout history is that the deaf person is profoundly isolated, not just from the larger community, but from their own family.
So while there generally might be enough communication to tell the kid to go to bed, brush their teeth, do their homework, mow the lawn, or find out where the owie is, the in-depth communication that we take for granted often just doesn’t happen. Discussion about life, emotions, and so on…just don’t happen. And the kid misses out on all the conversations happening around them…the hearing kids at the dinner table might not pay much attention when Aunt Bertha describes her bunion operation, but they hear it…they learn that such a thing as a bunion exists, that there’s an operation for it, that Aunt Bertha is an insufferable bore, that you have to be polite to insufferable bores, and so on. But deaf kids mostly miss out on that sort of cultural osmosis.
And in the past, the solution to all this was…boarding schools. Ship the kid off to boarding school. Well, you have a kid who’s isolated from his family, isolated from the larger community, what do you expect will happen when you ship them to boarding school? They’ll identify with the people they CAN communicate with. They’ll identify first as Deaf, because what other alternative would there be?
And the mistrust old-school Deaf Culture people have towards the deaf educational establishment? Well, let’s put it this way. Who decides what sort of education deaf children get? Their hearing parents. And what do the hearing parents typically know about deaf education? Nothing. And so what sort of education did hearing parents preferentially choose for their deaf kids? The sort of education that minimized sign language. The kind of education where kids who signed had their hands tied, because if they could sign, then they wouldn’t be motivated to learn to vocalize and lip read. Deaf culture people have an over-the-top fanatical devotion to ASL because many of them were educated in environments where the use of ASL was not only discouraged, it was punished harshly.
And while some deaf kids learn to vocalize pretty well, and some deaf kids learn to lip-read pretty well, it’s not typical. If you’re profoundly deaf, and were enrolled in an oralist-only boarding school, the typical outcome is that you’re pushed out the door at 18 with your entire education being a waste of time. You can barely speak, you can barely lip-read, you’re barely literate in English, and the only real way you have to communicate is through sign language, which you had to do IN SECRET or the teachers would punish you!
And ironically, literacy among deaf people is/was terrible, for various reasons…you can’t teach reading via phonics, the kids often have terrible language skills to begin with, how do you teach them to read words they don’t even know, you’re spending hours every day teaching vocalization rather than reading, and on and on. So you don’t even have written language to fall back on.
The reason that Deaf people are often so over-the-top critical of hearing parents of deaf kids, is that hearing parents often make poor choices for their deaf kids out of ignorance. So the Deaf people think, “hey, I’m deaf, I know what deafness is about better than the clueless parent, the parent is going to screw up and doom their kid to misery”. But of course, the Deaf person who had a horrible educational experience isn’t neccesarily a good judge either.
Now, Oralist-only education is pretty much thoroughly discredited nowadays. But…cochlear implants can often give deaf kids enough hearing that many hearing parents decide that their kid isn’t deaf anymore. They’re cured. And so sign language is out, mainstreaming is in. But the reality is that cochlear implants have a mixed success rate. Sure, something is better than nothing, but often oralism-only is going to fail for kids with cochlear implants. But parents have the idea that their kid MUST be able to interact with the wider world, and they are correct that growing up not able to speak and understand spoken english is terribly limiting. But it might not be a realistic goal, even with cochlear implants. And if the parent is convinced that their kid isn’t deaf, and that signing is a “crutch” that will inhibit their ability to vocalize and lip read, then you have a recipe for disaster.
And this is why there’s so much political bullshit surrounding deafness. The stakes are so high, and the people making the decisions often don’t make informed decisions, and the people who have experienced poor decisions made for them often aren’t in a position to make informed decisions themselves.
Well said, Lemur. Thanks!
Here’s the thing for me then since you asked- I think you’re both doing a great job of raising your daughter. You deserve a hand for that, as raising a deaf child is no easy feat. I’m not a fan of the Deaf Community, but I (just being me) don’t really care to malign it that much, but that’s just my nature. It does help out some people, and for others it can do a world of good. Having the reading comprehension levels of a 4th grader is still better than not having one at all, and the Deaf Community does help to reach out to those tough cases where others would consider them unreachable. So that is a positive benefit they do provide. However, that being said, they’re not the end all, be all solution to life.
Raising a child is a tough thing on its own. Picking and teach about a specific Religion, a school, a culture ALL will bring upon you looks from others. I wasn’t raised Christian, yet I ended up going to a Lutheran school for 5 years of my young life- it was surprising, and an interesting way to learn about Christianity for me- but it was def. a culture shock at times. Same thing with the color of my skin even- I’m considered quite pale for my race, and so when going to the Temple and such, I’d often get questioned as to why I was there- if I was truly a “real” member of the religion and the culture- just on the basis of my skin. The same holds with the Deaf Community. I am not Deaf, but I am hearing impaired. That basically means I’m not “hearing well enough” for the fully 100% ‘hearing community’ but I’m not deaf enough for the Deaf Culture- so I was excluded from both as a Child. My parents had the option to try to immerse me into a School for the hard of hearing and Deaf children, and to try to learn sign language and all, and they chose to go the other way. Instead, I never learned Sign Language (something I still wish I had the time to go back and do), yet I’m pretty capable in speech and language skills.
My parents always went the other way in regards to my Hearing loss- Yes, I had the loss, but that’s just life, and thusly I still had to play the cards I was dealt. My parents always believed in learning and hard work- it just meant I had to work HARDER than my classmates to get to their level. So growing up, I was constantly given drills, practices, and a very big emphasis on Reading and Writing (as those came MUCH easier to me than the actual sounds). That’s one of the key things for me as a child- I was succeeding in my (Hearing normal) classes, I just had to put greater effort into it. But I enjoyed it as a kid, and I never really got any slack for it (though sometimes I wished I did later in life). But my parents never really drilled it into me that I had a problem, but rather that I had a disability. Disabilities hold you back sure enough, but you can work and function WITH them, it just takes more effort. People with glasses can read and write; hell, they’ve got braille on bank ATMs for a REASON don’t they? People can function and move on, we’re an adapting species. And for that, I really should thank my parents.
As for the Deaf community though, I never really was accepted by them, nor did I fit in. I could hear- at times it was 33% hearing, other times it was 50% and even 66% at a normal level, but it was still hearing. The only thing I really learned though was not to judge people by Groups.
One should take people for WHO they are as a person, and on an individual basis. I don’t give someone a more positive association simply because they are the same Race as me, the same culture as myself, or even because they’re part of a “similar” community as myself. Rather, I try to just get to know the person for what they are- if they can’t hear as well, well then, that’s something we can both relate to, and I will always extend my hand in friendship, but it’s not something that I will put someone into a worse or better light due to. Which is something that I wish the Deaf Community would do a better Job of.
It’s your child though, and it’s your choices. There will always be people who don’t approve of anything and everything that happens in life. But you should just try to teach her that everyone deserves a chance, and that what matters is the individual over the community. That being said, the “dirty looks and casual insults”- they tend not to go away… but that depends on the people too. Not everyone is an asshole, but assholes do tend to congregate at times. I was always a bit introverted and shy because of the fear of this sort of thing, but alot of people were quite nice to me as well- it just becomes about choosing and picking your friends and sides in life. I’ve seen so many different variations over this, that it’s not just limited to assholes in the Deaf community vs. the hearing impaired. But it’s religious fanatics vs. other religions, those who put importance on skin color, in one’s OWN culture and to those outside of their culture, hell, even my parents’ aren’t perfect in that regards- everyone’s got biases, and they inevitably will show at some point or another. It’s how you carry yourself though in the face of it that matters.
So yes, if you Daughter does decide to cozy up with the community, it can offer her some benefits, but it will be the sort of crap you have to be willing to expect. The best thing is to teach her and raise her to know the difference. People are people, and everyone’s different in their own ways- that being said, one shouldn’t take the abuse just to try to fit in, but Peer pressure is everywhere, and the Deaf community is no exception to that. It’s a tough road, but there are positives down the road. What you’ve done so far is give her a really good chance at trying to fulfill her potential whatever it may be. The CI implants are a wise move, and only will allow her to expand her horizons in regards to her future. Yes, the Deaf community is one option, but this is a huge world, and there are many roads down life. So I wish you and your family the best in your journey and I’ll once again end with a few Quotes from Zappa (I’m really liking his music now- The Black Page pt. 2? Genius!). *
* The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they’re property.*
o Frank Zappa - 1987
Don’t let your daughter be defined by what she is or isn’t. Just let her be and love her all the same. And I think you’re doing a wonderful Job of that. And I’ll leave this pitting to it’s regularly scheduled Rancor now.
PeaceLoveHappiness,
-Roosh
Speaking as one of the failures of oralist education, Lemur866 is correct. I will never be a part of the hearing world, no matter how much my heart aches for it and no matter how hard I try. Period.
It’s also hard even trying. Whatever it takes to communicate with a hearing person, it takes a deaf person 5 times longer to write everything down, spell it out, ask others to repeat, etc. Seeing the look of disgust and impatience on every single clerk, server, bypasser, coworker, etc., is sometimes enough to want to shut oneself into a shell surrounded by other deaf people.
The Deaf community in many respects is disgusting and breeds a culture of dependency and failure, and the OP is correct in that way. However, there will always be a deaf community, and unless the OP’s daughter has been successfully implanted at a very young age on well enough to speak with other hearing kids, the OP also should expect that his daughter’s friends, for better or worse, will also be deaf, especially when she reaches her teens and beyond.
I agree with you as well.
The Deaf Community deserves to exist, and though I may not always approve of its methods, I don’t really think anyone’s perfect, and the issue is a tough and complex one- as your last paragraph pretty much perfectly sums up.
Well said, Lemur.
The thing that leapt out at me from the article and stuck with me fifteen years later:
*Last fall, for example, 60 Minutes produced a story on a bright, lively little girl named Caitlin Partron. “We don’t remember ever meeting [anyone] who captivated us quite as much as this seven-year-old charmer,” it began. Caitlin is deaf, and 60 Minutes showed how a new device called a cochlear implant had transformed her life. Before surgeons implanted a wire in Caitlin’s inner ear and a tiny receiver under her skin, she couldn’t hear voices or barking dogs or honking cars. With the implant she can hear and she is thriving in school. 60 Minutes presented the story as a welcome break from its usual round of scandal and exposé. Who could resist a delightful child and a happy ending?
Activists in the deaf community were outraged. Implants, they thundered in letters to 60 Minutes, are “child abuse” and “pathological” and “genocide.” the mildest criticism was that Caitlin’s success was a fluke that would tempt parents into entertaining similar but doomed hopes for their own children. “There should have been parades all across America,” Caitlin’s father lamented months later. “This is a miracle of biblical proportions making the deaf hear. But we keep hearing what a terrible thing this is, how it’s like Zyklon B, how it has to be stopped.”*
I love music as much as anybody, and I thought, ‘So these deaf people don’t want others to be able to hear. They’re trying to pre-empt people who could hear because they think they know what they’re depriving them of? They’ve never heard music but they somehow know it’s no big deal?’
I was hoping the answer would be “lesbian experimentation”.
Regards,
Shodan
Agreed. In fact, they need to be bred out of the gene-pool!
Well yeah, except it isn’t funny. Normal boarding schools have a terrible time preventing sexual abuse of younger and weaker students. So what happens if you add in that the students don’t trust and can barely communicate with the teachers? And that the students were already socially isolated before they were sent off to school? So there was a spectrum of quote-normal-unquote sexual experimentation grading into prison rape.
I’ve always wondered why those boarding schools (a family friend went to one here in SC) are for deaf and blind kids. Isn’t that the dumbest two groups to put together? Two kinds of people least likely to be able to talk to one another?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to undercut your excellent post.
Regards,
Shodan
I took an ASL class early in college, primarily because I had a foreign language requirement which it filled and I thought it would be neat to study. The teacher was completely deaf. I had to write a paper about what I would miss most if I was deaf for the deaf culture part of the class. Seeing as music is a passion of mine, I wrote about how I would primarily miss that. He tore my paper apart, lambasting me about how deaf people can “hear” and appreciate music just fine (think back to the scene in Children of a Lesser God where Marlee Matlin was dancing to the vibrations she could feel from the huge speakers).
I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be deaf, but I have to assume that there’s a lot about music that a 100% deaf person will simply never be able to understand. The way a blues guitarist can tell a whole story by the way he bends a note to the pain a metal vocalist can express through an epic scream. Seriously, how can a deaf person tell me what I’d miss if I lost my hearing? Isn’t that just a little arrogant?
To which I respond: Esperanto. 
Well, Lord Ashtar, I think a certain Mr. Aesop told a story that could shed some light on your situation. The psychology behind your teacher’s comments should be pretty obvious.
Here’s the part I don’t understand: why not raise them bilingual in English and ASL? Is it just because it’s harder for the parents to learn a second language and some (many? most?) parents won’t bother?
If so, then I guess I’d be pissed off at my parents for not bothering, too. But I’d be pissed at them for not helping me learn ASL too, not for teaching me English.
It’s the hatred of English and hearing folks that I don’t get, not the love of ASL and deaf folks. I love people who can speak my language and “get” me, too, but that doesn’t mean I hate those who don’t.