It sounds like she puts you in no win situations and she has taken control of you, which also means you have submitted to her. Whatever you do you are wrong so it’s best not to fight it but to bury any anger. The worst part about it is you feel powerless to talk with her about it (or she will get mad).
My mom used to be passive aggressive. Really messed me up as a kid. I seldom was grounded or spanked. My punishment was my mom crying like I really hurt her over small things. I was a guilty wreck.
Then one day I realized her guilt trips were an attack. Started responding to them as attacks and defending myself getting mad back like I would if she did yell at me, eventually I got to the point I just started pointing out when she was being passive aggressive and why. The hardest part was knowing if I did do something wrong and how to handle it. I got to the point where if I felt guilty I’d do an objective fact check and see if I was feeling guilty/stressed because I did something wrong or because I was manipulated into feeling that way. If I did do something wrong I’d think about if it’s wrongness was worth the guilt level.
Now my mom gets mad like a normal person and I’m not a guilty wreck.
The point is your wife is passive aggressive, arm yourself with knowledge. See an attack for what is, and learn how to handle it.
While fighting back is a option and it is good to recognize a attack fo what it is, May I suggest trying to get at the root of the problem. Many times it is a male figure that hurt her in the past, typically a father figure, who abused or abandoned her. Such a woman does not want to put herself in such a position in the future and will attempt to dominate males in her life, basically emasculating them. If the father daughter relationship can be rebuilt somehow then she can feel comfortable around a man and wouldn’t feel the need to dominate them IMHO.
I suggest that next time this comes up, i.e., you want to take a relaxing shower, just tell your wife beforehand. Say something like “I need a shower and I’ll be out in a bit” or something that will give her the hint that you’ll come out when you are ready and that you don’t want to be interrupted. She may not have even considered that you wanted a break even though it may have seemed obvious to you. Not that I don’t understand you needing a break - I’ve got two little ones myself and dammit, if they bother me during my quiet time, it is ON!!
We used to always pass the baby into the shower with one of us because it was quicker than giving her a bath. Then we’d pass her out and the dry parent would wrap her up in a fluffy towel. Ah, those were the days…
I understand your need for some alone time, though. I remember how nice it was to escape to the grocery store all by myself for a few hours. It’s a little thing but few people appreciate how difficult it is giving a baby your undivided attention 24/7.
You can ask anyone that knows me in real life. Staying silent and keeping things bottled up is NOT a problem that I have. I lectured her about it, which was still overdone IMO, but I didn’t blow up at her, so the Pit saved me. 
Just to come to my own wife’s defense I’ll put something out there.
My first wife left me because I hit her. I am aggressive-aggressive. So I find any outlet I can to channel my aggression because it is usually disproportionate to the offense. These days it’s down to lecturing and the occasional yelling. If there is anyone in the relationship that is abusive, it’s me, but I’ve worked very hard to get a rein on that.
My wife’s Father is a great man, and was a great Father. No doubt like everyone else in the world she has Daddy issues, but both of her parents were fabulous and we have an incredible relationship with them both. If she has problems expressing herself to a man that’s because her Father wasn’t always the most receptive to emotional issues, but not to some kind of extreme level.
She is passive aggressive, but not to the point that it’s some kind of deep pathological disorder. She’s aware of it, I’m aware of it and we talk about it. She generally a pretty stable person, she just can be pretty sensitive to any kind of aggression. And she was actually upset about something that has happened outside of our relationship that aggravated it.
So, I feel like I should put all that out there because I don’t like to hear people talking bad about my wife who is a lovely person and just has shitty timing when I get out of the shower on occasion.
If I may also suggest… take this one step further: don’t hint. Say it straight out. “I need 1/2 uninterrupted hour, by myself, to take a shower, get dressed, etc. I need this time to relax and clear my head before taking over baby duty again.”
I have to say that whenever my partner and I make a point to set expectations in a completely clear and straightforward manner like this, life goes much better. Less room for misinterpretation, little resentments, or bad timing. Setting a specific timeframe also has helped me, because then I know exactly when I need to gear up again, psychologically. And my partner knows too: “I only have to deal with this fussy little monster for 6 more minutes and then I’ll be rescued!”
p.s. our son is 14 months and I totally understand baby fatigue!
Go to bed, stay in bed, shut the hell up and go to sleep, you cockblocking little fuckers!
God, if I didn’t love them, I’d kill them! 
I’m here posting instead of going to bed because it’s my free time. I don’t have the food supply and my wife gets to feed her.
Our four-month old girl can be a handful. She take a fair about of work, but so do most babies.
What has helped me is to conscienciously think about things from my wife’s perspective. She’s always tended to do that for me, so it was just evening the field a little.
Now I find myself doing a lot more because I understand how tired she is. In fact, I’m going to jump off this and do the dishes and fold laundry so that will be finished when we wake up in the morning.
Babies are so much fun when you’ve got a good team going. I hope things work out better with you guys.
Little babies are a lot of hard work. Mine is less than four months as well, and at times my wife and I are almost snappish with each other, and our little guy is pretty even tempered and only fusses when he is hungry or tired. That being said he requires constant attention as do all babies. We are also extremely lucky in that out son is starting to wake up less and less in the night. Last night he slept straight from 9:30 to 5:00.
I can sympathise with both parents. There is nothing that can drive you crazy faster than spending all day cooped up in the house with a baby, especially if the baby starts to get fussy. I find that daycare is a blessing to us both, because it allows my wife to decompress a little and get some adult time.
As an aside, this post surprised me because I always assumed mswas was female. You know, Ms. Was.
You have my sympathy but be thankful that you actually have someone to take the baby and give you some time alone.
Same here. I do have to say I have a lot of respect for a guy that can admit here that he was abusive to his first wife in a pit thread about his second wife pushing his buttons. You do seem to be making efforts to avoid the mistakes of the past, mswas, and I commend you for facing your demons.
Vent away and hang in there. It does get easier… well, in the sense that you get more personal time as they become proficient at feeding themselves and pooping in the toilet. 
Dude.
You rock.
Or your wife is reading over your shoulder
Ah yes, children. I never, in a meeeellion years, thought I would actually have to tell people I want to use the bathroom by myself and I just need 5 minutes!
Also mislead by ‘Ms Was’ .
I pictured a corporate power woman in stillettos.