Get 2 pairs of industrial strength rubber gloves, a welding mask and a lead X-ray technicians gown and put them all on (one pair of the gloves inside the other).
Open the bottle using pliers and tongs.
Get some tobasco sauce, ground chilli and superglue. Insert all into now open bottle of HOT COCK. Close bottle and shake.
Burn the gloves, mask, lead gown, tongs and pliers.
Rub yourself with disinfectent.
Go to pub and get drunk.
Money back guarantee that will cure his of this habit.
You know, next time he’s around, I need to give my college roommate a big hug. Worst thing he ever did was annoy me by not being particularly talkative. Turns out he’s the best roommate ever!