There is a death that you are not going to go to a viewing, or any sort of service, but you would like to send some flowers to the family.
Do you:
send flowers to the funeral home
send flowers to the home of the family?
I always thought sending flowers to the funeral home was the appropriate thing to do. However, I have recently been told that sending flowers to the persons home is better, as the flowers sent to the funeral home are there for a day or two, taken to the cemetery, and then thrown away.
The flowers to the home would be there for a week or so, and the family would get to see them during this time, instead of for only a few hours and then getting thrown away.
I believe sending flowers to the funeral home or mortuary is customary in the US. It might be better to send them to someone’s home, but then the mourners wouldn’t see them. I think both would be perfectly acceptable.
Is there an obituary or death notice in the newspaper or online? If so, it may say something like, “In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to XYZ charity.”
If close friends/family, I send flowers about a week after the funeral to their home (Think something cheerful). If not a close friend but sending out of respect, send 'em to the funeral home.
Send them to the funeral home the day of, or day before, the service - that way everyone attending the service will see and appreciate them and their sentiment. It shows honor and appreciation to the deceased and the bereaved at the ceremony.
Flower arrangements (or live plants) are the property of the family/bereaved, and they are free to take them home afterwards if they want to.
Send them to the funeral home - believe it or not, not everyone wants to bring the floral arrangements home. And most people have a lot more on their minds and it’s one less thing for them to do than to haul them up to the funeral home themselves.
(And not all of them are taken to the graves, or thrown out if the family doesn’t want them. Sometimes other mourners take them home, or sometimes even the funeral directors do, rather than let them go to waste. I’ve also seen families donate them to other funerals once in a blue moon. In “leave the flowers for the next family to enjoy”, kind of thing – they always take the cards, of course!)
I agree with both Dewey and dolphinboy - if the family has expressed a preference, such as donations in lieu of flowers you will, of course want to honor their wishes. However, if they haven’t made any such wishes clear, then sending flowers to either the funeral home or personal home is acceptable unless you’re sending a large standing display which should only go to the funeral home.
How the whole flower thing plays out after the service is highly variable and depends on if there is going to be a graveside service or not or what the family has worked out with the funeral home. Sometimes the family takes them and sometimes they don’t want to be bothered and just let the funeral home dispose of them.
This may be a small town thing, but in my experience, flowers in pots (whether live, cut, or artificial) and any trinkets go home to the family. There’s even a procedure for designating which family member the flowers are to go to after the funeral, basically just putting their name on the card. Of course, the funeral home will deal with it for a family that doesn’t want them.
After my grandmother’s funeral, I went directly back to her house to meet the van with the flowers. I can’t remember if the van belonged to the funeral home or to one of the local florists, but I’m inclined to think it was the latter. That’s the only time I remember them being delivered, but my family has always ended up with at least some of the flowers from the funeral.
There are a lot of people who want the flowers at the funeral home as a display of love and affection for the deceased. Most of the people I’ve known would prefer the flowers go to the funeral home.
Also, you don’t necessarily have to give flowers – my aunt sent us a lovely set of wind chimes when my grandfather died last year. If you want to send something to the house, something small like that might be appreciated more. (Although she DID send them to the funeral home, we kept them and took them home. Gifts like that may also be welcome)
When my dad died in January, in addition to flowers we had a couple embroidered blankets, a set of windchimes, and I don’t remember what all tchotchkes sent to the funeral home and several food and fruit baskets sent to the house. Where you send it is largely up to you.
I worked at a funeral home for several years and, generally speaking, wreathes ended up on the grave, really large arrangements were left for us to dispose of, and live potted plants went home with the family.
Most florists work in conjunction with funeral homes and yes, will often re-deliver floral arrangements and plants to another address after they’ve been sent and displayed at the funeral service. At least in my experience. I’ve been a hospice volunteer for quite a while and always send some sort of arrangement to the service, whether or not I attend. Feedback I’ve received indicates that quite often the flowers or gifts go back to a designated family member.
After my grandmother’s funeral-- in admittedly a small town-- the funeral home people took care of delivering the flowers assorted places. The senior apartment complex where she’d been living, the hospital, the assisted living complex she’d been about to move into . . . and her apartment, where thing wanted by the family were collected.
So nothing was thrown away until it was wilted.
Most of the flowers were delivered to the funeral home, but one set was delivered to her apartment for the family’s enjoyment.
I like the idea of wind chimes, and I never thought of sending anything but flowers, so thank you for this idea.
This is a nice idea.
Thank you all for the great ideas. I found out that the funeral will be held in another state, far from where the family currently lives… So I think I will send something to the family’s house, that they will get when they return home. Either a flower arrangement or wind chimes, or something of that nature…
Since it is out of state, the likelihood that the family will bring them back home is likely zero, so I like the idea of having something sent to the home.
But I have to ask. Why can’t someone send flowers to Jewish people? I have jewish friends who will have parents etc. die, and I would have sent flowers until your post. I have never been to a jewish funeral or wake or whatever they call it. So i don’t know the traditions. Why are flowers verboten?
I have read that the custom of having flowers at a funeral was originally to mask the smell of the ripening deceased. And Jewish funerals typically happen within 24 hours, or at least within three days, of death, so that’s not a concern.