I just wanted to add that when it comes to state funerals there are important political functions, as well, not the least of which is (was, perhaps, in the era of DNA testing) to prevent every bandit lord from claiming he is really the king and never died at all. You want as many people as possible to go back to their village and tell everyone “Oh yes, the King/Czar/Pope really is dead. I saw him, large as life.” Furthermore, a big state funeral confirs legitimacy on the successor–and proves, if nothing else, that he has the presense and administrative skill to keep things happening the way that they are supposed to. It’s reassuring.
Not by a long shot. Cremation is about on a par with embalming. Urns for the cremains can be a good percentage of the cost of an ecomomy coffin. Services are the same. Burial excavation about the same as for a full casket & vault. A small above ground crypt for the urn is as much as a burial plot. You cant get out ot this world alive and you cant take it with you since they will get before they let you go. 
i like the idea of a large happy photo of the deceased with a gathering of family, close friends and a good meal, period. Move on with YOUR life, pay your bills, go to work the next day, etc.
We chose direct cremation for my aunt, with visiting hours. Total bill was about $1000. She was not embalmed-- there is no need with cremation, and the body was not viewed.
Her ashes were given to us in a simple brown plastic box. Not a display piece, by any means, but something that was suitable enough to give the family time to consider what we wanted to do with them without a sense of urgency-- no exclamations of “We can’t leave her in that!”
I’ve heard people say there are laws in some areas to the contrary, but the FTC says on its funeral page that ashes can be scattered “in a favorite spot.” So, an urn might not always be necessary.
Sooner or later, we’ll have to rethink the whole ‘graveyard’ thing.
I attended my grandmother’s funeral. They placed her casket inside a metal box before burying it. I asked why. My uncle (the wiseass) said “It preserves the resale value”.
IMO, there isn’t any idea more sickening than a body rotting in an airless coffin for eternity. Our physical remains should become part of the soil, not take up space in it.
Mr Goob maaaaan, that is just awful what you have gone through. Gah, your 20’s must have sucked.
My very first funeral was my dad’s in Co. Westmeath in 1978, when I was 18. I was slightly taken aback when the grave was filled in immediately after the ceremony had finished - right there before our very eyes. I’d always imagined that this was done after everyone had left. Maybe it’s a local custom. But, looking back, it was a great way of saying, “That’s it: he’s definitely dead! No point hanging around here any longer. Might as well eff off to the pub!”
The booze-up afterwards in the Mostrim Arms in Edgeworthstown was an absolute riot!
I am not in favour of open coffins. The Uncle Patsy (dad’s brother) was on display in the mortuary chapel of Mullingar Hospital and looked shocking. And my right hand was crushed to smithereens having to shake hands with about a zillion people. “I’m sorry for you trouble” is the correct wording. But his funeral the next day was also a hoot!
That’s what I want from a funeral, myself: not to wallow in self-pity at the effect on the death on you but to celebrate the life of the dead person and, where appropriate, to give thanks to the Powers that Be for ending his/her suffering.
Thanks, but my 20’s were pretty good other than a few glaring moments.
Swampbear here is something for you to look at columbarium My friend makes the liners and cans. I’ve seen photos of some of the finished pieces. They look magnificant.
That’d be your “cremains”. (I love that word for its blended beauty.)
That’s where I’ll be Mr. Goob. In a little slot with a little brass plate with my name, date of birth and date of death. The one in the churchyard looks like p.o. boxes laid flat on the ground. Matter of fact, the little slots appear to be the size of a standard p.o. box. Hmm… maybe I’ll start taking people by to see the p.o. box I’ll be buried in. 
Well, I have no kids, so it’ll be up to my nephew to haul me to the curb.
I personally don’t want a funeral arranged for me once I die–I opt for cremation, no memorial, no nuthin! Remember the good times and say your goodbyes silently and leave it at that.
NOW, if I have been asked to make arrangements for someone else, upontheir death, which I’ve agreed to do, am I obligated to be present for the whole event? Should I care how others view my absence? After all, IMHO, I don’t believe funerals do anything for the deceased and why should I care how they make the living feel when Idisagree with the whole thing.
I think that if those are you beliefs and opinions you should not agree to arrange someone else’s funeral, unless they are aware of your feelings and are agreeable to your absence.
I have never been to a funeral in my life nor will I be at my own. They say funerals are for the living friends and relatives.
My personal feeling is give me flowers when I’m alive.
After I’m dead, save your money.
I remember my mom and dad alive as I never saw them dead and didn’t want to.
I respect all religions who for whatever reason like to look at dead bodies or go to funerals and recite how wonderful the deceased was…but wouldn’t it be more meaningful if we said all those nice things so that the person could hear them while he is alive…much more meaningful.
Perhaps i saw too many Hitchcock episodes as a kid but burial is not for me…cremation is clean…and the ashes go right aound my 400 year old oak tree where I live…thats how “life is regenerated”.
For any big transition, people need what is called “liminal space” to successfully move from one state of being to another. Liminal space is a state of separation and is often followed by a celebration of the new state of things. College, for example, is often a whole four years of liminality - not a child, not yet a full-fledged adult with adult responsibilities. It’s an in-between space where people are separated (sometimes physically) from the outside world. When it’s completed, we have a graduation celebration. Before the wedding, the bride and groom are separated from each other and everyone else and kept waiting. They’re no longer “just dating”, nor are they yet “man and wife”. When that liminal period is over, we have a happy wedding reception. Before first communion, or a knighting, or taking vows, there’s a period when the applicant is removed from the rest of the world to think, pray or meditate, before taking up their new roles and celebration ensues.
A wake and funeral give us that opportunity for liminality. We’re excused for a few days from the rigors of everyday life and sort of live in this in-between, sometimes dream-like state. At the end of it, we celebrate both our dead one’s new state (really dead now, it’s starting to sink in) and sometimes our own new roles as a result of that death (matriarch perhaps, or “the crazy one now that Dad’s gone”)
Except that most of the energy in your body, as well as all the nutrients, have fed the fire of the crematorium, not your oak. If you would really like to be recycled, burial without embalming is the way to go. But the authorities prob’ly won’t let you do that under your tree.
My mother recently told me she wants her body donated to The Body Farm for forensic research, so we’re talking over how she wants the funeral to look without a body. Actually, she’d rather we do nothing at all, but I told her I wasn’t cool with that. So we’re working out what feels ok to both of us. We’re thinking we’ll display a nice picture of her and her family, have dinner and drinks. In lieu of flowers, donations to medical research (her one difficulty with her decision to donate her whole body to forensic research was that meant she can’t also donate her body to medical research or organ transplants.) I told her I’d bring flowers from my garden and an obliging field if the season is right, and she’s cool with that.
She’s only 58, by the way. I’m very glad we’re having these discussions now, rather than when I’m all emotional and scared because her death is immanent.
This simply doesn’t describe my experiences at all.
I agree with you, 100%, nicely stated too.