One guy i saw had a sign “I need money to support my drug habit”
I admired his honesty.
Saw a panhandler in Truckee, CA once with a sign that said “Need food or 420”. What made it funnier was the guy was a spitting image of Doctor Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati.
One of my favorite panhandler signs:
“Need money for spaceship fuel”
“Stuck in traffic?
Stressed out?
Yell at the bum. It’s cheap!”
I was stressed out when I saw this sign, so I gave the guy a buck.
One nice summer day about 15 years ago I was all decked out in my suit and was walking to meet someone for lunch. A panhandler approached and said, “Could you help me out? My subscription to Business Week ran out.” I had to laugh and gave him a buck.
All the posts about muscular dystrophy and then this made me wonder why I hadn’t heard about the death of Jerry Lewis this year.
My two favorite signs:
and guy with dog:
As for funny stories, walking with my brother down the street in Manhattan (we had about 20 blocks to go), dude approaches me to ask for money and my brother just split (cheap bastard that he is). I told the guy “I will give you twice what he gives you”, pointing at my brother. That guy walked 8 blocks for $3. My brother still gets pissed every time I tell the story, which is often.
This girl I used to know told me that her mother walked past some tramps one day. One of them asked her for some money.
The lady declined, but she was going to KFC, so thought she’d be nice and buy him a meal. This she did, went over to him, and tried to hand it to him. Whereupon he uttered the magnificent lines:
"Take that Kentucky Fried Chicken, and stick it up your arse!
“You 'eard! Right up your crack!”
There was a surly scowly long-haired fella that used to hang around outside a video store & coffee shop by my old place, unseasonably dressed in a big ol’ suit in the middle of summer. One time I walked passed him and he asked, “Spare a quarter for the Son of God?”
I gave him a dollar, pumped his hand entusiastically, and told him that I always wanted to meet him.
The scowl stayed in place through the whole exchange.
I’m still not sure if he actually thought he was the son of God or if it was just a weird construction.
My favorite is a guy who comes around near the pub I visit for my friday unwinding.
He tells jokes for change. His line is “Good Joke, Bad Joke, Rude Joke for some change?”, and one of the jokes he told just cracked me up.
What did the one meth head say to the other on Halloween?
“It is October 31! Only 3 more sleeps to Christmas!”.
One just the other day made me smile. I wouldn’t technically call him a panhandler, as he was offering shoe shines…
“Excuse me, Sir, you dropped something”
I look around, don’t see anything.
With a big grin, he says “Your shine!”
Not better than some of the others, but it was noteworthy:
I was walking down the street in downtown Seattle. There were a few other people walking, but not many. I passed a guy walking his dog, and we exchanged a smile and a nod. I saw another man coming toward me from down the street, and smiled at him when I got within oh, 20 feet or so. I continued walking forward, and he realized I was making eye contact with him. Suddenly he gets a big grin on his face, and then I notice he looks really scruffy. He holds up his hand, palm facing out, waves at me slightly, and then holds out his hand.
He says not a word.
I looked at him incredulously, and then walked past. I heard him grumbling behind me as I walked away.
Dude, come on.
Also in Missoula:
Mr. spockerel and I were crossing the street when a couple of panhandlers approach us and begin talking to Mr. spockerel only.
Panhandlers: Hey, do you have 20 cents?
Mr.: No, sorry.
Ps: Then can we have your wife?
Me: I’m not worth more than 20 cents?
Ps: OHH! When are you going to start having babies??
Me: :eek: 
Mr.: <drags me across street>
There’s been a strange rash of pregnancy assumptions/rumors about me lately. This was the weirdest.
There two I remember from San Diego around 1996. One was the sign guy who made a new sign every week or so. These things were big-4x8 ish. They always had some religious message. Unfortunately I can’t remember any of them…
The other guy had a sign that said “Little Change.” That always struck me as an existential statement, not a request.
Walking with my family at the Water Gardens in Ft. Worth. A scruffy looking guy sees us and starts heading our way. One of my brothers turns, walks straight up to him and says, “Hey, man, you got a quarter?”
Scruffy dude looks at my brother and says, “That’s what I was going to ask you!”