Funny Amazon reveiws: random numbers edition

[Malleus_Incus_Stapes]

A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates, by The RAND Corporation. Judging from the Look Inside feature, it’s exactly what it sounds like: a very, very long table of random numbers. I don’t know why in Og’s name this was written; the Amazon blurb (“This book was a product of Rand’s pioneering work in computing, as well a testament to the patience and persistence of researchers in the early days of Rand”) isn’t particularly enlightening in that regard. But this is really a thing, for whatever reason. And as is often the case on Amazon with Things That We Don’t Know Why They Are Things, people have taken to writing gloriously silly product reviews. I’ve read five (out of sixty-eight) pages of them so far, and they are things of beauty:

Random? It lists almost 600 integers in numerical order!
I was duped by the title of this book. It is supposed to be about random digits. And at first glance you do see randomness.

But after reading the book a while I started seeing a pattern. I did extensive research to prove my theory. After hours of mathematical modeling I conclusively proved that there is a set of numbers in this book that it not only a pattern, but is outright sequential!

The top corner of each page (left corner on the left side pages, right corner of the right side pages) was a list of sequential numbers from 1 to 628, all in a row. No numbers are skipped. Even the prime numbers are included! At first you don’t notice this because there is only 1 number on each page. But as you advance through the book you notice that the numbers keep advancing by 1 every time you turn the page.

Radical Approach Very Disappointing
A strictly “by the numbers,” formula-driven plot spoiled the ending, which was, nevertheless, difficult to predict by my calculations. The characterization was singularly type cast and the theme repetitive. You can safely skip this radical arctangent from scientific literature.

Love the premise, but the execution is a complete failure.
I often find myself in need of a million random digits, and thought this would be the perfect solution. The $81.01 purchase price seemed a bit high to my tastes–especially for a niche product which has received mixed reviews here on Amazon. But I’m a niche customer, and I’m willing to pay a premium IF the product solves the problem at hand. Time is money, after all!!

But I can’t help but feel I was duped. It certainly worked well enough the first time I needed a million random digits. But the second time I used the book, I was crestfallen to find the digits in the book were EXACTLY the same as before. How in good conscience can they possibly put their name on this product and market it as “random”?!?

If you just need a million random digits once (or maybe ten thousand random digits a hundred times), then fine: you’re a casual user and this might get you by for your purposes. If it were a tenth of the cost, I might be okay myself…it’s disposable, take it for what it is. But at nearly $100 (!?) I want a product that is going to LAST and I would be remiss in recommending RAND’s craftsmanship here.

The Amazing Rand Strikes Again!
For those who thought that “Atlas Shrugged” could not be surpassed, here Rand refutes all doubters and utterly tops that opus in a style so rarefied and refined that words themselves have been transcended, with the essence–no, the ethereal, mystical quintessence–of Rand’s philosophy expressed as its ultimate ur-truth of a million unrelated symbols floating forever in pure mindless randomness. Rand’s myrmidons will find this most congenial, and I recommend that they spend the rest of their days reading this ne plus ultra masterpiece, meeting 24/7 in pure white Randian temples, there to pontificate and meditate on this wonder and that way stop bothering everybody else.

Errors Throughout
They sure don’t come up with random numbers like they used to. If you look closely, you will note that every tenth digit or so is just a repeat of the last digit and every hundredth or so is a just the same digit repeated three times. How sloppy!

A sampling of this “work”:

Page 36 - Line 6 - 15 characters in should be 5, not 4.
Page 99 - Line 18 - first three characters should be “453” not “345”.
Page 145 - Line 2 - 7th and 19th characters transposed.
Page 190 - Whole line of numbers omitted betwen 6th and 7th lines.
Pages 210 and 211 - Two sections appear quasi-randomized, instead of randomized.

Also, if you stare at it long enough, you can decode something around page 300 about Jody Foster and J.D. Salinger giving me some sort of instructions. I’m going to stay up another couple nights staring at this to see if I can make out anything further.

Suitable for Children and Adults alike
I have long been an admirer of RAND Corporation’s publications, but this one must be by far the most accessible. My four year old can read it, and his comprehension of the contents is as good as mine, which would not be true of other RAND offerings. Well done RAND in presenting a topic for young and old alike!

Save your time and watch the movie.
Book is okay. Seriously, I would recommend that you just see the movie. It was remarkably true to the book and I thought George Clooney’s performance as the string of digits on page 34 brought something to the story that you just can’t get from the written version.

So-so book. Good for chanting out loud on the subway.
The way this book starts out is your first clue: “10097 32533”. Come on! Why not just start with “It was a dark and stormy night.”, its the same meaningless tripe.

The plot does tend to meander, with no real resolution of conflict. Plenty of unnecessary intro, TONS of conflict. The vivid use of “3” and “7” adds plenty of gore value, but it just never resolves anything. Where’s the dénouement? The ending just leaves me empty and totally depressed. What happened to 9? We never find out. Will 2 ever be brought to justice? Do 5 and 8 ever get over their ennui, and get married? Who knows? What about 1, and the other 1? Can they really live together as a homodigital couple without being ostracized? I expect there will be a sequel (2 Million Random Digits with 200,000 Abnormal Deviates?).

I do find the book useful in a completely different way than the author intended. It’s extremely relaxing to chant it while riding the subway. It tends to clear one’s mind, and strangely enough people tend to clear away from me, and I get lots of free seating around me. Possibly my fellow subway riders are mistaking me for a holy man, and think I need to be left alone to ponder the mysteries of the universe. Whatever the reason, I arrive at my destination relaxed and ready for new challenges.

This book is a bit too advanced for me…
I bought this in the hope that I would be able to sit down on a rainy Sunday afternoon and look through it, and with each passing page, feel a sense of achievement.

However, for the life of me, I have been unable to find Waldo on any single page yet!

Someone, please give me some hints!

Wait for it…
It started off slow, single digit slow in the beginning but I stuck with it. I eventually learned all about the different numbers, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 0 and their different combinations.

The author introduced them all a bit too quickly for my taste. I would have been perfectly happy with just 1,2,3,4 and 5 for the first 20,000 digits, but then again, I’m not a famous random-number author, am I?

After a while, patterns emerged and the true nature of the multiverse was revealed to me, and the jokes were kinda funny. I don’t want to spoil anything but you will LOVE the twist ending!

Like 4352204 said to 64231234, “2242 6575 0013 2829!”

(Thanks to Darths & Droids for the “recommendation” and link).

[Thudlow_Boink]

Have you seen the sequel?

@Malleus_Incus_Stapes

a very, very long table of random numbers. I don’t know why in Og’s name this was written

Same reason other long tables (e.g. trigonometric tables, logarithmic tables, etc.) were written and published: because people used them and needed them back before everyone had access to electronic means of generating such numbers.

There are legitimate needs for random numbers (e.g. statisticians selecting random samples, researchers doing simulations). But yeah, I don’t know why anyone would pay $57.12 (or $90.00, which is what it cost a few years ago) for something like this nowadays.

[panache45]

@Thudlow_Boink

Have you seen the sequel?

Language: English

So if you’re a Spanish or French speaker, you need to get a translation?

Text-to-Speech: Enabled

So you can sit there, and listen to a voice reading a million random digits to you?

[El_Kabong]

I’m thinking of getting the book, but could someone who already has it count the numbers and make sure they’re really a million? I don’t want to be shortchanged. Thx.