Funny employee evaluations

I’m reviewing my employees’ self-assessments for the past year and I am absolutely not joking that one of them wrote this:

"I can be more patient and deliberate in my work at [company]. In my zest to do the best job I can I sometimes miss the little details. This is something I must approve on. "

Yes. Yes, I’d say it is.

Not a self-evaluation.

But when I was going over the reviews of one of our system’s nurses with my boss, I described her having trouble communicating effectively via telephone. “When we talk on the phone, she fails the Turing test.”

My boss was savvy enough to get and appreciate the concept.

My favorite: “(name) is usually able to salvage mediocrity from impending disaster.”

I’m not getting what’s so odd with the statement in the OP. Self reviews, particularly the part about ‘areas of improvement’ are an exercise in coming up with a way to describe your problems in a way that sounds like a triumph, or at least a triumph-to-come.

I am assured that the skill in doing so maps exactly with ones actual skill at the job in question, whatever said job may be. Job interviews are also based on this line of reasoning.

My classics from student evaluations:

“She does a good job when she is awake.”

“Other than homework, attendance, test scores, and all other known measures, he seems to breathe with little difficulty on most days.”

“I was unable to give a homework score because he didn’t turn in any.”

“I limited the -100% in penalty points to -20% to preserve her GPA.”

“He is not smart enough to realize he shouldn’t copy homework in front of the teacher.”

“His problems are not academic in nature, such as the time he didn’t wear pants to class. I would recommend a different type of school.”

Reread the statement again, paying special attention to the second-to-last word.

I’ll be quiet now.

Ura needs to approve reading comprehension :stuck_out_tongue:

I’m tdn and I improve this message.