Funny Package Delivery Stories

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

My mother is virtually blind, and listens to digital books which she receives for free from the state of California Braille and visually impaired library. She receives a (non-Braille) catalog every three months or so indicating which new books are available in the library, and we sit down and look through the catalog and let the library know which books she would like to receive.

Because it’s for a visually impaired person, US Postal Service allows for free mailing. You have to write “For the Blind or Visually Impaired” on the envelope where the stamp would go, and place the order form inside. But the USPS requires you not to seal the envelope. I guess they want to snoop to make sure you aren’t taking advantage of the free service.

And twice now, we have gotten empty envelopes back from the USPS explaining how the order form has managed to slip out of the open envelope. So I have started using self-sealing envelopes and tear a tiny corner of the seal strip off on each side of the flap, and stick the sealed envelope down just on the edges of the envelope. Since I’ve been doing that, we haven’t gotten empty envelopes again, and so far, nobody has complained about not sending open envelopes.

42

Very cool.
I salute you, Sir! :slight_smile:

I recall that the Arkansas State Library had records that could be picked up or mailed out in containers resembling film cans. I was impressed to see the Iliad and the Odyssey.

43

This is one of the best things I’ve ever read on SDMB.

44

I broke up with a live-in girlfriend and accidentally broke her swiffer mop when trying to pack it. I told her that I would just order her a new one on Amazon and send it to her new address (300 miles away).

The price of a new one was something like $26.50 but it was on sale for $24.65 or something which made it ineligible for free shipping. Shipping would cost $5.00 or more than the original price in total. I was pissed off on principle.

Some guy made a web site for just this situation and things that you could get on Amazon for anywhere from one cent to two dollars. The ex’s favorite color is purple and so I added a fifty cent ball point pen with purple ink. Amazon ended up sending the two things in separate packages and the pen came a day earlier. It was a total WTF when she got a single pen from FedEx.

45

Two tales, both old and probably posted here years ago.

Got an early morning call from our postmaster, letting me know that there was a pallet of live angry bees sitting on their shipping dock and had everyone there freaked out. Would I please come right away to pick them up. Before I even got my boots on, I got a call from my regular rural route carrier to tell me he was making a special delivery before he ran his regular route, so sit tight.

He bought out my bees, and as a fellow bee keeper, even helped me install them in their new hives. That’s service!

The other service was with UPS. I smoked some of our home grown turkeys for the holidays and sent one off overnight on dry ice to my family in Oregon. Called the next couple days to make sure that it arrived and it hadn’t. Weeks went by, UPS was unable to locate the package and was refusing a refund for reasons I don’t recall.

A couple months later, I got a frantic call from a shop keeper at the nearest junction in town, telling me that UPS had left a stinking leaking package at his store and demanding I come pick it up IMMEDIATELY! I was completely in the dark and didn’t even imagine that it would be that turkey months later. Yep, it was. Nasty! The shop keeper remarked that he’d dropped it off there because he couldn’t stand the smell long enough to drive it up my road. I don’t know why they bothered trying to return it at all. Sure wonder where it was for two months.

46

Maybe not so funny, but at least had a good ending anyway. I was staying at my sister’s place for Christmas. My sister’s boyfriend had ordered a fairly pricy telescope for her for Christmas, to be overnighted by UPS as time was short.

At the time, they were living in on a former farm just outside Lancaster, PA that had only three houses on it, well off the nearest main road. Christmas eve arrives, but the package has not. Sister’s boyfriend checks the on-line status; it shows delivered. He calls the local distribution center and spends about a half hour with them, with the distribution center saying that it was sent out for delivery and that if it says it’s delivered, it’s delivered. By this time it’s getting on towards 8PM.

On a hunch, I excused myself and drove the quarter-mile down the driveway to the main road. Sure enough, laying on the muddy shoulder of the busy road, just behind a piece of guardrail, was the package.

47

Not package delivery related, but that reminds me of the time when I had a car that leaked several quarts of oil a week and sometimes I’d forget to replace the oil cap. The majority of the time it would lodge itself somewhere and not fall out, but a couple times it fell completely out of the car. One time I had to replace it, but the other time I managed to find it on the side of the road after doubling back for several miles.

48

In the vein of Ludovic’s that-reminds-me-of, ears ago my friend kept her tortoise at the school she taught at. One weekend she gets a call from the police – the tortoise escaped its area and in its pokey dash around the school, had set off the motion detectors/alarm. Could she please come round up the tortoise?

49

I’ve been sending boxes of random snacks and miscellanea to my kid who left for college and have been shipping in a ‘OneRate’ box via Fedex. I’m not really sure about all the shipping options, but for $15 or $20, I can cram as much stuff in the good-sized box as I can fit into it, and it arrives at her place about 2 days later. (Mini candy bars make great packing ‘peanuts’ when sending bananas- LOL!).

I went yesterday to send a box and of course the line was long since everyone is shipping for Christmas.

I couldn’t remember if it was the white box or the brown box that is used for the one-rate shipping, so I asked one of the clerks (it’s the white box) and then packed the box up and got in line. I also could not remember if I was supposed to fill out a mailing label, so I got a label and filled it out while waiting in line. I seem to recall that the clerk typed the mailing info into the computer in the past, but I had also filled out the form, too, and the place was very busy. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

After about 30 minutes, I finally made it to the front of the line when a new guy showed up, opened a new register, and called out “Next!”. He looked kinda cranky, but it was my turn.

Me: I’d like to ship this using flat rate. (Sets package on scale.)
Crank: We don’t have flat rate.
Me:… Um. Actually, you do.

(No response, followed by long wait while cranky guy transfers the info from the shipping label to the computer.)

Crank: $35.00.

Me: … (Thinking "What to do? I know it usually only costs $15 or $20 bucks, tops, to mail this package. This package is only 3 pounds. One package I sent was 20 pounds. What’s wrong here? Why is he charging me twice the usual amount? How much do I want to keep that extra twenty bucks?)

Me: If you don’t mind, I’ll just go get back in line.

Crank: (Stares at me. No response.)

As I reached the end of the line, I turned around just in time to see him throw my shipping label away. I’m thinking ‘Great. Now I’ll have to look up the address again.’

After another 30 minutes, I finally get to the front of the line again.

Me: I’d like to ship this flat-rate.
Clerk: OK. (proceeds to start typing the address.)
Clerk: OK- Please check the addresses on the screen and that will be $14.00.

Me: (Pays bill.) When that other guy was helping me, he told me there was no flat rate and that the charge was $35.00. Does he not know what he’s doing?
Clerk: Oh, we don’t have “Flat-rate,” we have “One-rate.”
Me: Really? He was going to charge me $21 extra for using a wrong word? Is he really that cranky?
Clerk: Um. I don’t really know what to say here.
Me: Ah. It’s OK. I work with some cranks, too. It’s clear you guys are very busy right now. Maybe you could give him a day off or something. I’m not sure he’s gonna get a visit from Santa this year.
Clerk: (giggling). Yeah. That’s my boss. I guess every work place has a crank.

50

I had planned to send a package to a friend in London on Wednesday, September 12, 2001. I mailed it the following week.

It got there in January of 2002.

Not so funny.

51

Another time, I replaced my worn out box spring with a platform bed frame, also ordered from Walmart. Only I goofed and ordered a twin instead of a queen. Called Walmart and received instructions on how to return the twin.

Via USPS.

Uh-oh.

The postal worker servicing our complex at the time was notoriously lazy, leaving packages wherever the hell she felt like it and spending lots of time goofing off in her truck. I scheduled the package pick up well in advance and she managed to climb a flight an a half at the appointed time. She took one look at the 60 pound box and was like, “Ain’t no way I’m carrying that thing downstairs!”

I wanted it out of there so I carried it down and put it on her truck myself. She didn’t even bother to scan the tracking info so I had no way to know if Walmart ever got it back. Until the queen sized frame arrived.

52

Aw shucks. She actually found it funny after a while, especially while writing the Thank You card. “It was very refreshing…we treasured every delicious sip…” :slight_smile:

53

Not that funny really but I have gotten three packages of things I bought during the Holiday sales this year. Every one of them has been delivered before the tracking information was updated to even recognize the shipment existed.

54

My brother sent me a package from New Zealand in February. Never showed up.

In December he calls me, laughing so hard I can barely understand him. It seems the package was returned to his mailbox, marked “Return to Sender.” No explanation of why it was returned or where it had been for ten months.