And the "I really don't give a F*ck award" goes to:

The BBQ Pit
1

The delivery guy from - well, it’s the company Tom Hanks made a commercial for disguised as a movie. Sounds like Fed-Ex. Just like it.
Anyway, with the whole “you can’t take anything pointy with you on the plane” response to terrorism that will keep us all safe, I’m now in the habit of Fed-Exing anything pointy to myself when I don’t want to check my luggage.
So I did the same from a lovely city I had business in. Actually, the nice people at the hotel did it for me. They used my address as the “from” address, and the same address as the “to” address. You may just see this one coming.

After a week, package had not yet showed up at the Isosleepy residence (such as it is, it’s actually a shit-hole disguised as living quarters, but that’s for some other time).

And I have to give the company that isn’t DHL, UPS or Airborne Express (it’s actually Fed-Ex) this: they do tend to show up on time.

So I call the reasonably efficient folk at the company that is now also proud owner of a copy shop manned by surly teenagers so excellently parodied by Dave Chapelle. (don’t look it up, it’s Fed-Ex). I’m told that my package resides in a “Blue Bin” (until then, I’d never heard someone capitalize over the phone, but it was clear that this wasn’t merely a blue bin, but an honest-to-goodness Blue Bin). The importance of this escaped me, but that the package was doing me no good in whatever fucking container was chosen as its possible final resting place was pretty damn obvious to me. But I was curious: how did my lovely package end up in the Blue fucking Bin, without any efforts to get it to go somewhere else apparently being so much as contemplated?

Like so: Delivery man delivers package, leaves it leaning against my door. He now sees a Fed-Ex envelope leaning against the door, and picks it up. Notices the “from” address matches the address of the door against which it had previously (however briefly) been leaning - and decides it must be an outgoing item. THE SAME DAMN ENVELOPE HE HAD IN HIS HANDS NOT 10 SECONDS EARLIER! So, of course, he takes it to the distribution center. Apparently at the center my package encountered no IQ above room temperature (In Centigrade) either. - Hence consignment to Blue Bin purgatory.

After asking very nicely, they consented to re-deliver. They got a little huffy when I asked them to please leave it there. Now I wonder what else is in the Blue Bin…

(Oh, and to answer one possible question: yes, I signed the release signature, they truly took it back because they thought it was outgoing post.)

Anyway. At leat they’re not out there controlling air traffic.

2

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. The Fed Ex guy comes to your house, put the package down on your front door step, then picks it up again, and takes it back with him to the distribution center? That’s… that’s…

Well, that’s not really surprising. It is, after all, Fed Ex we’re talking about here.

3

I remember hearing once that goldfish have about three second’s worth of memory. Is it possible that this mysterious company (c’mon, don’t be coy with the name!) is hiring goldfish?

Daniel

4

This rant isn’t fair. Why won’t you tell us who the shipping company is?

5

It’s like the guy that woke up from a nap, rubbed his eyes and exclaimed “My God, I’ve invented the pillow!”

6

If people that dumb have jobs why the hell am I still unemployed?

7

Oh My God It"s A Blue Letter!

8

I’m afraid your shipment may be caught in an infinite delivery/pickup loop due to the address thing.

I would suggest you use FedEx to ship your stuff next time. They never have this type of problem.

9

When it absolutely, positively has to be their oversight.

10

I decided to go with the guys that sponsor the FedEx Orange Bowl.
I think they’re the same guys that are the money behind The University of Memphis FedEx institute of technology. But, I’m not gonna mention any names. I once read some shit by this half-Belgian, half Arab dude who may have been neither, wherein he explained that the whole world can read stuff in this message board, and that therefore one cannot be prudent enough. But I will say this, after all this, I was Extra Fed-up.

11

LOL…otherwise they’d all be on the streets wreaking havoc!

12

Didn’t you read the post? They’re not only driving down the streets, but responsible for making sure that commerce in this country doesn’t fall apart.

13

Using FedEx was your first mistake. You should have used UPS. The delivery guy wouldn’t have even come to your door. Problem solved!

14

Holy crap, this thread explaining your theory was two posts under this one…

I love the Straight Dope.

15

Great Post Sleepy!

UPS, right. For some reason they insist on leaving packages at a sliding door next to my generator housing, next to the garage door. Instead of following the driveway up to the Front Porch.

I don’t know if you folks out there have heard of these Mysterious Front Porches. They are purported to be the home of an even more mysterious entity called the Front Door! These Front Doors, if they really do exist, are said to have a dangling appendage located approximately symmetrically within the anterior ventral plane. Taxonomically the appendage is called a knocker. Said knocker is often used to summong the pagan gods called Inhabitants or Occupants. Some species of Front Doors, through some extravagant evolutional quirk, have developed another specialized growth, often appearing to one side of the Front Door. Taxonomically this organ is called a doorbell. Scientists believe the Doorbell organ developed when the Inhabitants decided they wanted to be summoned in a pleasant and melodious manner, the antithesis of the knocker appendage, which would emit a loud and raucous din.

Apparently the various delivery organizations do not believe in such quaint, druidic ceremonies…

SR

16

I’m confused. What makes you think he used FedEx?

Daniel

17

My most recent dealing with a company that was once originally known as FedEx:

“Fed Ex.”

“Yes, there’s a note in my mailbox saying a package couldn’t be delivered”

“Do you have the Airwaybill number?”

[Prof. Farnsworth]“The wha–?”[/PF]

“The airwaybill number”

<edited for time>

“Oh, here it is. 7354637584736523738585734637457…”

“7…3…5…”

<edited for time>

“Yes, that was refused because it was delivered to a P.O. Box.”

“It’s not a P.O. Box.”

“This says it was delivered to a P.O. Box.”

“But…this note was in my mailbox. It’s a slot in the front door of my house.”

“What’s your address?”

“12 Frederick Way.”

“And that’s not a P.O. Box?”

<edited for time>

18

I had Fed-Ex leave a package outside my door once.

In 1960.

For 20 minutes.

It was my 1960s style death ray.

d&r

19

FedEx are useless. I’m still waiting for my bloody Wilson volleyball.

20

Ahh, I feel spoiled now. Our FedEx delivery woman is great. If it’s raining, she’ll leave the package on the front seat of the car if the car is in the driveway and we aren’t home. Of course, the first time she did this we did not know until we used the car the next day and found our missing delivery. She’s very friendly though–she even says hello and asks how the kids and Mr. Greywolf are.

Now our mailman on the other hand…he is very inventive in ways to avoid getting out of his car to deliver a package. He’ll wedge them into the mailbox so tightly that it almost takes a crowbar to get them out. And if you happen to have a box that’s too big to fit in the mailbox, you might get the Grumpy Mailman stare of Death when he has to actually get out of his nice, warm car to deliver it to you.