Funtioning alcoholic

[Kalhoun]

T-keela said,

“totally religious” is a bit overzealous I think.

Well, what irks the bejeezus out of me is that AA says they’re not a religious organization, yet they INSIST on using the terms “god” and “higher power” which can ONLY be interpreted as religious. They have prayer circles, take the personal responsibility away from their members and hand it over to “the doorknob” (if you’ve ever been to a meeting, you know what I’m talking about). They blame the drinker for the problem and credit god for the solution.

If they truly wanted to be a secular organization, they would refrain from using the word “god” in their publications, and would acknowledge that only the drinker can quit drinking. No one can do it for him or her. They have to make the decision on their own.

I’m not saying people who belong to AA haven’t benefitted from the support of other people (Weightwatchers and the like do the same thing…and it works for some people). My gripe is the blatant dishonesty, and their unwillingness to credit the drinker for giving it up HIMSELF. I also dislike the snotty attitude they take toward people who cannot quit through AA. Very arrogant and insulting toward the drinker.

[Myron_Van_Horowitzski]

[Myra]

To get back to the OP: I think I may be one. And hubby too.

We are:
Both in mid-forties
No children
Both have fulltime jobs as computer technician-type stuff
Both work 7am - 4pm
Both are shy, private people with few close friends.
What we do:
After getting home from work, we each have a few before dinner, a few with dinner, and some more afterwards. We settle in, get mellow, then go to bed. Get up the next morning, swill some coffee and go to work. Repeat as necessary. (Our co-workers would be shocked, I think, if they knew how much we slup down)

How much:
It’s nothing, nothing for me to put away a full 1.5 liter bottle of wine. For him, 9 - 10 beers. Every Night. We are unable to stop at one or two.

Now since one or two are the recommended consumption, I would strongly suspect that we have, or are heading for, a problem. That is a lot to drink. Maybe not as much as some drink but definitely more than we should.

However:
[ul]
[li]Neither of us are in a position where responsibility demands teetotaling, such as if we had children, or worked with heavy machinery, or were destitute, etc.[/li]
[li]We only drink at home. We aren’t “partiers”, and don’t go to bars.[/li]
[li]We’ve never spent money on booze that was needed for something else.[/li]
[li]Neither of us drive drunk. Maybe he did when younger, but not now. I truthfully never have. ('Course I never drove until age 28)[/li]
[li]Neither of us has ever missed work due to a hangover (Okay, once I woke with a massive headache and came in late, but that was it) We may have showed up a little tired, but always made it.[/li]
[li]We are not mean drunks. We don’t yell and scream and break things. We are fairly easy-going people and drinking makes us more so. In fact we tend to get all goo-goo eyed with each other.[/li]
[li]We don’t get falling down drunk (Okay, make that rarely) and get sick all over the place. Our habits are set now, we know what our limits are. We got all that stuff settled by the time we were out of college. Neither of us (yet) suffer any physical symptoms due to alcohol deprivation. And we can refrain when we need to, in social situations and such.[/li][/ul]

So we don’t seem to have any of the pathological problems that accompany heavy drinking. But we know this can’t be healthy. We would both like to cut down but find it difficult. We’re co-enablers.

This is actually a timely thread for me. We have each been separately concerned about this. Last night we were discussing our concern again. We need to make it mutual. We need to both agree to quit, and make a plan for doing so. I think we can only do it together.

Hope this was enlightening. I’d be glad to answer more questions.

[t-keela]

@Kalhoun

**Well, what irks the bejeezus out of me is that AA says they’re not a religious organization, yet they INSIST on using the terms “god” and “higher power” which can ONLY be interpreted as religious.

For some people it is like a religion. If the term “higher power” implies God to you, then perhaps you should read the “Big Book”. I admit that in most cases members define their higher power as God. But it is not a standard or required ideology. For example, you could use the US Constitution and/or the bill of rights, or your own set of morals as a “higher power”. It is simply the acceptance that you need help in controlling your urges/cravings for alcohol. BTW no one INSISTS that YOU do a damned thing. If THEY choose to use the word GOD, then it sounds like you are the one with the resentment. So what if they choose to believe in GOD, that is their business. No one said you have to.

**They have prayer circles, take the personal responsibility away from their members and hand it over to “the doorknob” (if you’ve ever been to a meeting, you know what I’m talking about). They blame the drinker for the problem and credit god for the solution. **

You do NOT have to pray to GOD in an AA meeting, I never did. Neither did a lot of people I know who have been very successful in the program. Handing it over, so to speak is simply saying, “Don’t dwell on the things in your life which cause you to drink.” No one ever blamed an alcoholic for needing a drink or causing the “problems” which he uses as an excuse for drinking. An alcoholic has a disease for which he has no cure. Crediting GOD for the solution is absolutely wrong. YOU have the solution, don’t take the first drink. It’s that simple. What you have to do to NOT take that first drink is completely up to YOU as well.

If they truly wanted to be a secular organization, they would refrain from using the word “god” in their publications,

They are truly secular (look it up) they have NO rules as to what you believe or how. The use of the word GOD or lack of it doesn’t determine the secularity of a group.

and would acknowledge that only the drinker can quit drinking. No one can do it for him or her. They have to make that decision on their own.

It is accepted that only the alcoholic can decide to quit drinking and it is also accepted that only they can do what is necessary to be successful in their quest for sobriety. BUT since most alcoholics who seek AA have failed in their own attempts at sobriety, they have realized they cannot quit without some support. That is what AA is, a support group where you can find others with similar experiences.

I’m not saying people who belong to AA haven’t benefitted from the support of other people (Weightwatchers and the like do the same thing…and it works for some people).

Yep, millions of people worldwide.

** My gripe is the blatant dishonesty, and their unwillingness to credit the drinker for giving it up HIMSELF.**

Dishonesty? in AA? get real, that bunch is probably the MOST honest folks that ever lived. They have to be. You have apparently been in contact with some folks who don’t work the program. I’m sorry if that is the case.

** I also dislike the snotty attitude they take toward people who cannot quit through AA. Very arrogant and insulting toward the drinker.**

Alcoholics being snotty towards other alcoholics who can’t quit?
Bullshit, I know that you’ve been in contact with some members that have perverted ideas about AA and its traditions. If a recovering alcoholic ever looks down his nose at a person trying to quit and takes attitude then they are simply a dry drunk NOT sober. There are plenty of 'em…

BTW…Krok I’ve been to groups and have known members who are exactly as you’ve described. They aren’t ALL like that and shouldn’t be.