Ok a new one.
After chasing down a particularly fast suspect a cocky young beat cop is approached by a man in a black suit and asked to join a secret organization but says he’d have to give up his current life and sever all ties with people he knows. Cocky young cop says, “Naw, man. I loves me the pussy too much.”
Drunky, GMTA! 
Two dozen young adults spend the weekend at the isolated summer camp where the massacre occurred twenty years ago. When the first girl is seriously injured by the lunatic (not killed, she called out in time), the others perform a systematic search, find the creep and beat him to death with baseball bats and 2 x 4s.
A sultry blond seduces a somewhat dumb insurance salesman. She starts to talk about taking out a large policy on her husband, then killing him. The insurance salesman says “No piece of ass is worth me spending the rest of my life in prison,” and leaves.
Kid is depressed and miserable because his workaholic Dad never comes to his Little League games. He makes a wish on a star that his Dad would spend more time with him.
Dad overhears and says, “Hey, my job gives me a lot of money. That’s how we can afford your new computer, your new XBox, and all your expensive toys.”
Kid smiles and says, “I never thought of that- thanks Dad. Get back to work now.”
The smaller robot suggests that removing the restraining bolt may allow him to play back the whole recording.
“Nah,” says the kid. “I’d probably get in trouble, and anyway, it’s dinner time.”
The next day, he takes the robots into town, and has their memories wiped.
A few years later, the old hermit living across the desert dies of old age.
Indiana Jones and the Masonic Temple of Death:
Indy is searching for Excalibur and hears it’s with a local group of Masons. Infiltrating the lodge, he makes no discovery, but is asked to join the group, which he does. Within the week, he is drummed out of university, due to his membership.
The government finds out that Hitler is obsessed by the occult, and is spending millions to find the Ark of the Covenant.
FDR laughs. “Let him look. Every penny he spends on that nonsense is money he’s not spending on tanks and U-boats. Tell our agents to forget about it. Now, where’s that job creation bill I’m supposed to sign.”
A multimillionaire wants to fight crime in his city. So he spends months working out, goes to a ninja camp, then puts on tights and a cape to battle evildoers.
His first night out, the first crook who sees him laughs his ass off. The embarrassed millionaire goes home, mixes himself a martini, and throws the costume away.
A totally different multi-millionaire dons his tights and cape and heads out to subdue evil. Patrolling rooftops, he goes to make the leap between buildings, and, like something out of “The Incredibles,” his cape snags on a protrusion, slams him roughly against the building, and drops him 30 stories to his death.
The super-spy is captured by the Evil Villain. Our hero sets about asking the villain how he could possibly think his grand plan would succeed, while biding his time to activate a gadget to free himself. The villain gets sick of listening to the spy and shoots him in the head, killing him.
“Luke, I am your father. Join me, and we’ll rule the galaxy together as father and son.”
“…okay, cool. Which planet should we destroy first?”
“Hold your fire. The sensors read no lifeforms aboard.”
“But wait, what if they’re droids? They wouldn’t show up as lifeforms, would they? And what if they’re carrying the stolen plans to our empire’s new battle station? You know, the very thing this whole mission’s about? Not that I’m suggesting the rebels may find a weakness that could allow any spunky farmboy to destroy our death star with one lucky shot, and maybe that escape pod really is empty, but… shouldn’t we shoot it, just in case? It’s not like laser beams cost anything.”
“…yeah, come to think, you’re absolutely correct. Fire away!”
!!! KA-BLAMMMM !!!
Striker was the best race car driver on the East Coast until he owed too much money to one of the most powerful bookies in New York. No ones faster behind the wheel, but now, to clear his debt, he has just 24 hours to transport his bookie’s beautiful daughter to Las Vegas. The pair climb into his vintage 1967 Ferrari and drive.
To Queens where they buy two economy class plane tickets out of Laguardia.
The Curator suspects that he is soon to be murdered by the shadowy organization. He knows that if he dies, the Professor will come and investigate. The Curator starts laying out an elaborate series of clues that will eventually lead the Professor to the horrifying truth about the conspiracy.
Then the Curator decides it would be a lot easier to just write the Professor a note containing the information.
Is that a real film? It sounds specific enough that it probably is, but I can’t get anything matching this description with various search terms.
Completely made up. It just sounds familiar because it is the stereotypical setup for any number of car chase movies like Smokey and the Bandit or The Transporter. It’s amazing how many movies follow the “drive from here to there in a certain amount of time” plot.
Family Guy’s version:
“Hold your fire. There’s no life forms aboard.”
“‘Hold your fire’?! Are we paying by the laser now?”
With apologies to Cabin in the Woods: A nice girl, her handsome boyfriend, a slutty girl, a jock, and a weird guy go camping. The place holds a terrible curse, and a hockey mask wearing goon haunting the property begins to chase them. They manage to get away, but the killer is out there… somewhere. One suggests that they split up and find help. Another says that’s a stupid idea, he can’t take on 5 people at once. The first person agrees. One hits him with a 2x4, and instead of running away, they keep whomping him until he stops breathing.
Then there’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil where the idiot teens mistake the nice rednecks for killers, and end up killing each other through sheer idiocy and missed cues. The rednecks keep trying to help.
Holly Martins goes to Vienna to work for his friend Harry Lime. He finds that Lime recently passed away, so he leaves soon as his work visa is void.
There is a short film on youtube with this theme: Hell No, The sensible horror movie.
“I think we should split up”
“Wanna go party at the abandoned asylum with the ouija board?”
“We have to keep filming this”
Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water…the county closed the beach because of toxic levels of algae.
A cocky young Navy pilot breaks formation to do a victory lap thunderously close to the control tower. A few controllers sigh after the jet passes but continue with their work of keeping the planes in the air from colliding with each other. The commander in the tower rolls his eyes, mutters “Not another one,” sets down his cup of coffee and tears up the orders that would have sent the pilot to Top Gun school.