I recently had to do some trolling through the Microsoft Research publication list, and found a number of titles that are crying out for more entertaining abstracts than are posted on the site. I’ve listed a few below.
[ul]
[li]A detection algorithm for distributed cycles of garbage[/li][li]A Framework for Graphics Recognition[/li][li]A New Affect-Perceiving Interface and Its Application to Personalized Music Selection[/li][li]A Note on the Confinement Problem[/li][li]A perspective on how ATM lost control[/li][li]A Semi-Functional Implementation of a Higher-Order Logic Programming Language[/li][li]A simple object storage system[/li][li]A Survey of Distributed Garbage Collection Techniques[/li][li]Advantages of COMA[/li][li]An Introduction to the Curry-Howard Correspondence[/li][li]An Online Learning Framework for Sports Video View Classification[/li][li]Attractive People: Assembling Loose-Limbed Models using Non-parametric Belief Propagation[/li][li]Augmenting Words with Linguistic Information for N-Gram Language Models[/li][li]Bulk types with class[/li][li]Calling Hell from Heaven and Heaven from Hell[/li][li]CamDroid: A System for Implementing Intelligent Camera Control[/li][li]Can Actors and pi-Agents Live Together?[/li][li]Coupling from the Past: A User’s Guide[/li][li]Designing Augmented Refrigerator Magnets[/li][li]Exceptional Syntax[/li][li]Experience with Processes and Monitors in Mesa[/li][li]EZ Processes[/li][li]Face alignment using texture-constrained active shape models[/li][li]Generic Image Hallucination with Primal Sketch Prior.[/li][li]Hard-Potato Routing[/li][li]How to Couple from the Past Using a Read-Once Source of Randomness[/li][li]IMMC: Incremental Maximum Margin Criterion[/li][li]Implementing Coherent Memory[/li][li]Intersection of Two Planes[/li][li]Lazy Checkpoint Coordination for Bounding Rollback Propagation[/li][li]Measuring the Effectiveness of a Simple Strictness Analyser[/li][li]Moderately Hard, Memory-bound Functions[/li][li]Stereo Matching using Belief Propagation.[/li][li]The cover time, the blanket time, and the Matthews bound[/li][/ul]
“Advantages of COMA”
There are several advantages to this system, which has many unique features. Amongst them are: you are seldom bothered by telemarketers or Jehovah’s witnesses; people feel bad for you and buy pretty flowers and other things to brighten your hospital room; for once people listen attentively, waiting for you to respond; you don’t have to get dressed or even get out of bed in the morning; if you recover you can claim you “can’t remember” all the things you did to piss people off. See document “Acquiring COMA” if you’d like to learn more.
[li]An Introduction to the Curry-Howard Correspondence[/li]By keeping detailed records of our “nights on the town”, we were able to build up a pattern of correspondance between Participant 1, “Howard”, and Participant 2, “Tikka Masala”. Starting with an opening gambit from Participant 1, making his order to the chef, the conversation was rejoined by loud sizzling noises from Participant 2. As time went on, a negative correlation arose; as the amount of correspondance from Participant 1 arose, (including praising and eating Participant 2, random babbling as induced by continual alcohol consuming, and the expulsion of gaseous waste), the correspondance from Participant 2 decreased (including less sizzling and noise-related activity, exothermic reactions, and plate-occupancy/visual correspondace). Most significantly, a *direct * negative correlation was found between the emanation of smell-related correspondance of Participant 1 and the same from Participant 2.
Our research team, being composed of nothing but heterosexual males (in their tweens), decided to implement a solution to the noisome contents of their refrigerator.