Indeed I am Yoshimitsu. I can also do that thing with my shovel where I jump up on the handle and bounce about with the business end down cutting mice in half.
Failing that, I might let you borrow my 9 iron.
“If you’re going to say something like that Mr Hill, you’d better have something better than an umbrella behind your back.”
“9 Iron?”
“Good enough.”
<backs away>
You play golf? :eek:
All your previous posturings as being a hard man are now shot to buggery, you know.
Hoist by your own 9 iron.
For shame.
Americans have guns. In Britain, however, every man is allowed to own one piece of sporting equipment for the purpose of home defence.
So Paul can own a 9 Iron without necessarily playing golf.
Personally, i own a rounders bat for this purpose.
Yeah, but I heard you are the pin-up boy for the Hoxton rounders team.
So that’s probably a gilt leaf ceremonial bat.
On a plinth.
Fair enough on golf and Mr Berserker, though. He is redeemed in my eyes.
Consider yourself his redeemer.
Now as you mention it, there is a hurley under my stairs and I have no idea where it came from.
I could use that, should the need ever arise for mouse attacks.
A rounders bat??? Bwahahahaha!!!
I knew you were a big girl!
Rounders Bats rule. A good compromise of flexibility and Power. Although Two by Four is still to be prefered in Zombie situations.
Is it Liz? If so, send her my way.
Nah, it’s her younger sister Ash.
Or is she Oak? Can’t remember now.
Either way, I can’t send her to you as then I’d be a sitting duck for the marauding bands of itinerant mouse zombies.
Don’t be silly Mo, I only keep it around for hitting things with.
Although I did play a round of Crazy Golf yesterday, but thats a different matter all together.
Exactly - I need a screaming damsel to save!
What? And that’s be me, would it?
Just how loud do you think I can scream?
Tell you what, I’ll pop outside now and give it a go and if you can hear it all that way away, I’ll send you the stick.
You have Posh Spice in your cupboard as well as Liz Hurley??? It must be like an issue of Heat in there.
Ask me where I’ve got David Beckham
I would imagine you could do a fair Banshee scream there Mo. Also, I have a tennis racket in my living room. But that I fear, wouldn’t be much cop against either mice or zombies. I do have an old metal curtain rail in my bedroom though, which would put a dent in anybodys head, when it comes to ‘pots and pans’ time.
:eek: I think I’m probably too young to know!
my housemate timbob used to keep an iron bar in his wardrobe at University
After getting burgled, my mum slept for a while with a Le Creuset frying pan by her bed, before realising it was so heavy she’d have to persuade any intruders to bend down so she could hit them.
Well, that’s just charmin’, that is.
Here I am, narrowly missing being chucked into the loony bin for standing out in the car park impersonating a banshee (good call, Paul) and you’re in here banging on about the contents of your flatmate’s collegiate closet.
:dubious:
Hmph.
If you were thinking of putting “International rescue swain; Pan-European experience in saving damsels in distress from marauding zombie mice on” your cv, you’d better hope that no one checks your credentials too closely.
And as for the hurley - I might administer it to you when I see you next; you old empty promiser, you.
i don’t make empty promises. Only half full ones.
Old-school mouse-traps don’t leave much to impale - there was a definite “pulverising” theme that I had to clear up after. Still, they were more effective than poison - even the world’s stupidest mouse isn’t going to go for a small white plastic dish full of violently green crystals that scream ‘I’m poisonous! Avoid at all costs!’.
Besides, Garius, can’t you just lob all those empty shandy cans and meths bottles in your flat and the damn mouse?