Now, you have to believe me when I say that I am about as pro-gay as a heterosexual comes. Some of my most true friends have been gay and I have witnessed gay sex on a first-hand basis.
However, I have always been confused by the purely sexual aspect of homosexuality. When I was coming of age as a heterosexual, I was always sure that the thrill of seeing naked women was exploring people with a different anatomy than I have. Fantasizing about physical aspects of other males would have been pointless because I could see the same thing any time I wanted just by pulling down my pants. I always assumed that a major part of sexual attraction assumes a physical difference in partners but homosexual attraction blows that out of the water.
How do you get sexually attracted to people that have the same physical attributes that you have? Don’t you get desensitized from things like being in men’s locker rooms or the awareness of your own body?
Again, this is an honest question. I never really got a straight answer from my gay friends so I thought I would try here.
I realize that you mean this purely in an objective sense, Shagnasty, so I’ll try to answer in kind.
First off, bodies differ on more lines than just male/female. Short, tall, svelte, curvaceous, hairy, twinkish… the list goes on and on. Every body is a new mystery to learn with its unique beauty and features. Every body is, to one degree or another, The Great Unknown. There’s a certain amount of excitement in that for everyone.
However, arousal isn’t really about familiarity or the mysterious unknown. Its something totally different and above simply that. Just ask some of the long-term married folk on this board… you may know your partner’s body better than the back of your hand yet still be powerfully aroused by it. Why? Because it is really beautiful and kicks all the right switches in your heart, mind and nether regions. It is hard to explain further than that, really, but maybe that helps you out a bit?
I don’t know about anyone else, but I am not exactly attracted to vaginas. I don’t get all hot seeing a random vagina. In fact, I don’t really get all hot seeing the vast, vast majority of vaginas in existence. And in the few cases where I do get hot seeing such a thing, the reaction isn’t “Ooh, that’s a really pretty/[whatever] vagina.” (Boobs are, uh, another story.)
I am drawn to people, not so much specific body parts. Yes, a nice face, etc. will get my attention, but the personality behind that - and I know we give lots of lip service to this, but being attracted to a physically-gifted jackass just is not in me - body area/part is going to do a lot more.
They aren’t the same (the bodyparts), you know, but let’s forget that for a moment and look at something else: the novelty of it. Sure I have various bodyparts and I can do as I wish (certain caveats come to mind) with them. Someone else’s? Completely different story. Regardless of gender. Hell, you have hands and lips and most other bodyparts that the vast majority of people, regardless of gender, also have. Sexual attraction involves quite a few of those other genderless (or almost genderless) parts. You got 'em, too, so how do you get aroused by seeing them on someone else?
I haven’t the slightest. All I can tell you is it happens. The mystery/unfamiliarity behind it may well have something to do with it, but all I can tell you is it sure ain’t restricted to - nor does it necessarily always include - genital/secondary characteristics.
Well, just as straight people aren’t attracted to EVERYONE of the opposite gender, gay people aren’t attracted to every person of the same gender. There is just something about my boyfriend I find amazing. I’m sure straight people have the exact same feelings about their significant other.
This is an interesting, yet seemingly age-old question. I think you’re over-intellectualizing the question of attraction, to which I don’t think you’re ever going to get a satisfactory over-intellectualized answer. It’s like you’re looking at physical attraction as being on a part-by-part basis. It doesn’t work that way and iampunha brings up that idea that all body parts are just body parts, but not every part is the same as every part. Every penis/vagina/breast/pectoral muscle/lip/nose/ear/etc. is different. But that isn’t the point.
Sexual attraction isn’t just about looking at someone who is either the same or different gender than you. If it was just about looking then no one would ever have the desire to be physically intimate with someone else. And no one is attracted wholesale to every single person of the gender they’re attracted to, nor the parts, same or different, of every single person of the gender they’re attracted to.
I certainly can’t explain it. And I don’t know anyone who could.
Hmmm, I never would’ve thought it’d be that difficult to answer. Let me take a shot at it.
First, the tame version: have you ever been to a formal event that includes a bunch of guys? Even though you’re wearing the same thing as pretty much every other guy there, there are enough differences and enough variety to make it interesting.
And the not quite as tame version: I like guy parts, and the stuff I like doing to guy parts, I can’t do to my own. And for that matter, even if I could, I wouldn’t because the idea is more than a little gross to me.
Seeing my hairy chest in the mirror every morning doesn’t do anything for me. Seeing another guy’s hairy chest, though, is a real turn-on. The key isn’t that it has to be a part different than what I have, it’s that it’s a part that’s not mine.
I tend not to look when I’m in men’s locker rooms (and I avoid going to those in the first place, because it tends to make straight guys uncomfortable). I turn off the attraction, because I know I’m not ever going to be “with” any of these guys.
And I’ve got to say that I don’t get the concept of being desensitized to what you find sexy. For starters, I’ve ever been with a guy who has exactly the same body as I do (thankfully). And also, haven’t you ever been in a long-term relationship? Did it get “old” for you to see the same pair of breasts and the same hoo-ha over and over again?
Shagnasty, when you’re looking at a beautiful woman, her “different” anatomical parts are usually hidden. Sure, you know they’re there, but her beauty includes the things that you **can **see: they’re the same parts that you have, but different. Are you not turned on by **every **part of a woman, not just the “different” parts?
I remember the first time I saw my partner. I knew nothing about him, except his appearance, and there was an immediate rush of desire on my part. And now, after all these years, I’m totally familiar with every square inch of his body, but that feeling has never left. There are so many additional layers on top of it, but it’s still there, not despite that familiarity, but **because of **it.
For me it’s more about being with someone masculine. I find masculinity very erotic. I appreciate feminine beauty but it does not arouse me. Seems to be the simplest way to explain how I’m wired when I really think about it.
I love woman’s ass. I also have an ass. However, it really isn’t the same thing. I would never lick my own ass, but a woman’s ass is a different matter.
Now, it there any (real) physical difference? Not really.
I assume the issue is similiar for all people. Gay or straight. The bodies of people they are attrached to turn them on.
