Gay Teens: A Debate

Absolutely. I’d bet big chunks of money that a gay kid in high school or whatever is just as nervous about asking that cute guy out, or kissing the guy he’s been dating for a week, or whatever, as a girl would be asking a guy out, or a guy would be doing whatever. It’s sort of that whole “You’re scared of the deer? It’s just as scared of you!” thing. Only with gay deer. Or gay headlights. Or something, I dunno;)

Remember I’m not too far removed from sex education myself, though in my case it was done (school-wise) more by visiting monks (who, I guess, had less to fear because they were not going to have to face a barrage of questions later by kids they were around a lot). I would have had almost no clue were it not for my (liberal at the time … now I’m not so sure;)) parents. Father’s a nurse and neither of them saw any reason to hide medical stuff from us. Told us allllll about stuff if we asked, and sometimes if we didn’t. We had The Joy of Sex when I was ten, IIRC.

And no, the pages do not stick together, tenkewveddymuch:p

Aw, shucks, I didn’t mean to say “Poly you awful christian I think you ought to be shot for what you’ve said in this thread AND you smell bad”…I’ve seen the “sexuality=sex” approach used many many many times on this board and yours happened to be a post where I felt bringing up an counterpoint of sorts would be most fruitful.

Poly, that was sort of the point:D Plus the inherent Irish imagery combined with the sexuality issue seemed too much fun to pass up (stream of thought: Irish-Catholic-commonly seen, if only in the past, as strict christians who care way too much about sexuality. Have been replaced by more conservative christians, but the stereotype is still played often enough in present day).

I think another important question is what Joey actually meant by it, because Joey might think a blowjob is where you blow (as in, blow cool air) at a penis or whatever. Remember Tris’ post of not so many months ago now where he talked about blow jobs he and another boy did on each other when they were, IIRC, 11? That concept of a blowjob and the common concept are reasonably similar, but there are some rather striking differences as well.

Somehow this reminded me of my biggest objection to the whole “let the parents teach their kids about sex”. Let me try to say this intelligently.

:: pause for big laffs ::

This assumes firstly that the parent and child have a relationship where this sort of thing can be talked about (and for those who are wards of the state, that sort of relationship might very well not exist). It further assumes that a parent will tell their child anything at all. Not “don’t have sex until you’re married end of story pass the ketchup”. Nothing.

And if the child is taught nothing, then how can we assume they’re taught things like how to say no, or how to respond to an honest request for some sort of sexual contact? How do they know how to react around people of any gender when it comes to anything sexual? I understand why many people object to sex/morals being taught in schools, but at a certain point I think you have to ask where they are going to find out about the options they have in life. I don’t think it’s fair to allow the parents to simply say “they won’t because that’s what we believe”. It seems like punishing the child. And it’s very likely that with parents who restrict the learning/access of material with which they disagree you also get parents who, when their children turn 18 and are thus (legally) able to make their own decisions, a very frightening hypothetical comes up (slippery slope, here we come!): parents who say “you will not find out about X subject or we’ll toss you out of the house”… which returns us to the subject of the OP, as there’s more than one person on this board who can tell us about being disowned because of his sexuality.

Restriction from information is a scary thing to me.

And lastly, Mothchunks asks:

"Let’s say our hypothetical 7th grader is learns in sex ed that that a man puts his penis in the woman’s vagina.

What is the answer going to be when the child asks what two men or two women do? Do they get a graphic description of fellatio, cunnilingus, anal sex, dildos, etc.?"

I hope I’m not the first person to tell you that man-woman couples do these things as well;)

>What is the answer going to be when the child asks what two men or two women do? Do they get a graphic description of fellatio, cunnilingus, anal sex, dildos, etc.?"

I hope I’m not the first person to tell you that man-woman couples do these things as well<

All we got in sex ed was a lesson in the human reproductive system. Everything else I had to learn from hanging around message boards.

Am I the only one who envisions a t-shirt to the effect of “everything I needed to know about sex ed I learned on the SDMB/internet”?:smiley:

You have to admit that before you came here you probably didn’t know the definitions of felching, squicking, or the Prince Albert! :slight_smile:

Seriously, being able to discuss freely and frankly with a wide range of people has been an education for me. In particular, I want to single out matt_mcl and Hamish, Gobear, yourself, andygirl, and of course the Gay Guy Himself, Esprix, for broadening my horizons on what used to be called “alternative livestyles.” :slight_smile:

I don’t know whether to be proud or ashamed of the fact that SDMB hasn’t really taught me anything about sex that I didn’t already know.

S, Poly, where exactly would you put the books about felching and squicking? I’d probably either put them right by the restroom or a wastebasket … for people who felt ill from reading about them;)

SC_Wolf, that depends…did you know a lot of the stuff you’ve read here, or are you an infrequent MPSIMS/PIT/IMHOer? Aye, there’s the rub:)

[sub]You wanna talk about learning about alternate sexualities…not five years ago I was as hompohobic as they come. Now look at me:)[/sub]

Awwww… thank you, Poly! hug I’m glad we could help.

Like Polycarp, I’m near the half-century mark. (In my case, from the wrong side, alas…)

It was when I was a kid that California starting teaching Sex Ed at the Junior High level (8th grade, age 13). We were the guinea pigs. And we ended up getting the course more than once.

It was poorly taught. The teachers knew so little that I feel sorry for their spouses. There was very little in the way of written material. The films were either “Walt Disney’s Story of Mr. Sperm and Miss Egg”, or something about perverts in trenchcoats hanging around near the basketball court. (I’m still looking.) I didn’t know what a foreskin was until age 14. I thought “periods” were little dots on the end of sentences.

Evidently, the modern way to handle this stuff is to bring in “speakers.” May I gently suggest that “speakers” is a great way to avoid preparation–on the parts of the teacher and the students? I am speaking AS one of those speakers. There was one key question ALWAYS asked at EACH presentation year after year, and always by the same guy, a “surfer dude” near the back.
Here’s what he was concerned with:

“So why is it all gay guys lisp?”

My answer was always that it was jutht a myth and a mithimprethion. (I wanted to say, “Because our tongues are permanently curled from doing guys like you.”)

Anyway, my point-and-I-do-have-one is to challenge the whole premiss that subjects like this ought to make extensive use of guest speakers–or even primary use of teacher lectures. If we’re concerned about “tone” and “accuracy” and “impressions,” I’d say we need a good textbook with study questions (of a reasonable nature…), not something freeform. We didn’t bring in people to “present their views” on math or history–nor PE, even.

Parents do not, in general, want “value-free education,” by the way. More than ever they DEMAND some sort of “values” element: as long as they agree with those values. So hey, at the beginning of each year, let’s send home a note which must be signed and returned, to the following effect:

“During the course of this year, we will be integrating a ‘values curriculum’ into all subjects taught, as may be pertinent to the subject. We will present in a positive manner the following values: (1) honesty, (2) kindness, (3) courage, (4) knowledge, (5) fairness, (6) tolerance, (7) self-understanding, (8) respect for law, (9) civic-mindedness, and (10) regard for our country and its history. Your signature on this note indicates your acceptance of this values curriculum. Students will not be admitted to this school without a signed note on file; such students are not exempt from the provisions of the California Compulsory Education Act, etc etc…”

Parents who ask for more details will be given those details, including the fact that “tolerance” includes “respect for the lawful personal choices of gay and lesbian persons,” and that “knowledge” includes “factual knowledge of basic forms of sexual intercourse and intimacy, along with the pertinent psychological and emotional factors, with an emphasis on personal moral responsibility.” Ending with: “It is the policy of this school district to avoid and actively discourage discriminatory acts on the basis of race, color, creed, age, physical ability, nationality, gender, or sexual orientation.”

I regard oral, vaginal, anal, and manual “sex” to be basic forms of sexual intercourse (practiced by all orientations: though in my case it’s getting to be way too long). Fisting, use of sex toys, “talk dirty to me,” cyber-sex, S&M, B&D, pedophilia, orgies, scat, water-sports, felching, velching, twonking, glooking, or zwiebacking–no.

Given that Merriam-Webster defines manual to be “of, relating to, or involving the hands” wouldn’t fisting count as manual sex?

Overall excellent post Scott, except for two things (I’m so becoming a one-trick pony on these…).

Straight
Gay/Lesbian
Bisexual.

Also: “personal choices of gays and lesbians”…you are aware that scores of parents will deliberately interpret this as “their choice to be gay”, yes? This is not the sort of thing one might want to leave open to interpretation, I think.

Two letters in today’s Raleigh News and Observer furnish an interesting counterpoint on this question. In one, a lady pressing for moral absolutism says:

Immediately below that letter was another, which read in part:

These two letters effectively target the problem I tried to raise in this thread.

The question that comes to my mind is would the woman who wrote the first letter stand by while a student who was accused of cheating or a CEO who was accused of embezzling stand by while such a person was physically and verbally abused? There is a vast difference between saying, “I think your behaviour is immoral” and directly insulting someone or beating them up. Also, how does she reconcile the abuse of homosexuals with Christ’s own teachings and actions?

I want to shake my head and say people like the first letter writer just don’t get it!

CJ

Well, with all due respect, I’m sure the woman who wrote the first letter might possibly think the same thing about you as you think about her. IMHO she has some good points.

Yes, she does have a few points to make about what “tolerance” means. But there’s a very broad chasm between those who hold religious views on the immorality of “homosexuality” (rarely defined, and usually erroneously defined when it is, as in her referring to it as a “belief”) and the folks who are gay or who believe that they deserve a fair shake in life.

Just for kicks, His, assume you and your husband are doing some volunteer work at an outreach ministry your church has started, where walk-ins are welcomed and given the opportunity to talk about what’s on their minds (and a little subtle evangelism is given back to them by the volunteers). In comes the son of the guy in the second letter, talking about the kids who have been harassing him and beating him up at school because he’s gay. What would you say to him? And why would you choose to say whatever it is you answer to the first question? (I’ve been faced with exactly that situation when Barb and I were volunteers at the same sort of ministry, so I’m not just playing devil’s advocate here.)

(And, folks, be nice if His answers – I really want to know how she’d respond to that sort of situation. Thanks!)

Oh, boy I doubt that I’d be in that situation. It would be hard to respond to that situation. I’m not really sure how to respond to that believing as I do but if I absolutely had to say something the best I can come up with (without denying what I believe about homosexuality) is that I’d have to try in love to tell him what I believe to be true about it, yet aside from that I’d have to say something like this: “As a Christian knowing the teachings of the Bible on homosexuality, I can’t tell you what you’re doing is right in the eyes of God but noone should be harassing or beating you, they don’t have that right no matter what they think.” And if he wanted to know why I thought it was wrong, then I’d share the appopriate Scriptures of course. The reason I’d probably say something like that is that’s all I can think of to say to not compromise what I believe. There isn’t anyway that I could see fit to let him think I believed what he was doing was okay, but at the same time I don’t believe in beating up gays. Lousy answer, I suppose. After that, I might refer him to the pastor who might be able to be better than me at counseling him. Sorry, best I can come up with. I know there’s others who could do better.

As to the tolerance issue, the lady’s last statement is certainly true. The tolerance people claim to proclaim diversity yet they’re intolerant of viewpoints that state that some things are just plain wrong. That’s a telling statement.

What is he doing? You don’t know if he was doing anything. And how can he possibly take the message “what you were doing was wrong in the first place” in any other way than “you deserved it”?

So you think that people that don’t hate gays accept any type of behavior from anyone? You either hate gays or you don’t think anything is just plain wrong? What you don’t seem to get is that it can go both ways. I’m sure you would have a problem if tolerance policies didn’t bar a teacher disrespecting your child because of his chosen belief system.

Originally posted by iampunha

No, actually, I don’t.

I don’t even remember the blowjobs.

I remember some things I did at eleven that I probably wouldn’t mention on a bulletin board, and I am wondering if I posted a bit drunker than I remember. But I don’t even remember these blowjobs at all. Or the post.

Tris

I think I dimly remember the posts (they were in a thread on interpreting the Kinsey scale that I participated in), but you didn’t write them, Tris. I don’t remember who did, but I think I would have noticed your username because it is so distinctive.

If it makes you feel any better, there’s a current multi-page thread that I have not participated in at all but in which (as one of my rare vanity searches revealed) several posters were repeatedly and erroneously called by my name, for no apparent reason. Disconcernting to say the least, although I imagine it must be even worse when it’s details of someone else’s sexual history being incorrectly attributed to you.

Ah! A clear case of repressed memories!!! :smiley:

::: ducks and runs real, real fast :::::

You’re damn right I don’t put up with the point of view that I’m an abomination unto God. That I am a human being, free and equal in dignity and rights, antecedes the petty bigotries of hateful individuals who would deny the same.