Gay vs. Bisexual?

1st: This is probably the wrong forum for this.

Actual question: I’m starting to question my sexuality and wonder: Am I really gay? How does one know whether or not he is simply homosexual or if the opposite sex attraction is really there or just imagined to fit into society. (I’m 16, male btw). These are the kinds of questions I’m asking myself as I’m preparing to come out in the “real world”, and I’m currently still a gay(?) in hiding.

This thread is better suited for IMHO. I’ll move it for you.

Cajun Man ~ SDMB Moderator

"I’m starting to question my sexuality "

Hm. This sounds like psychology-babbel to me.

What turns you on? Do you want to screw around with boys or girls? After you’ve done one or the other (or both) a few times, I guess you’ll know the answer to your question. Personally, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Follow your instincts and you’ll know. What you do with that information is another story.

  • PW

I was in your situation a few years ago (I’m 19).

I had myself convinced that I was bisexual because I figured that way I could still just date women/get married/have kids/etc. In deciding this I ignored (denied) the fact that I had and have absolutely no sexual attraction toward women whatsoever.

So you really don’t know if your attractions to the oppisite sex are real or simply something you’ve led yourself to believe you have. All you can really do is wait until you find the answer for yourself.

YMMV, of course, but for me the real clincher was when I actually dated a girl. That’s when all the gears just kind of snapped into place and it dawned on me that “Huh. This just isn’t going to work at all, is it.”

I don’t think there are any cut and dried answers for your situation. The beauty of it, though, is that you don’t have to fit yourself into any pre-cut niche if you don’t want to. If you feel unsure, the best thing for you might be to take it easy, don’t feel obliged to commit to any one way of being just now, and give yourself the time and space you need to work out just who you are.

This is good advice for most 16-year-olds in general. You’re growing and changing at the same time that you’re learning about yourself and your place in the world. Don’t try to rush it. The answers will come to you with experience.

This is why I like the label “queer.” Gay? Bi? Who cares? Be queer!

Or be straight, if you’re straight.

Or be whatever you want and don’t worry about what other people think. And Google “gay youth resources” for a lot of good links and resources for young “questioning” people.

I can only speak as a bisexual male who is “out” in the sense that people with whom I’ve had sexual relationships know about that part of my makeup, but the approach has served me pretty well.

I follow the maxim Otto put forth:

“Be whatever you want and don’t worry about what other people think.”

This is made much easier if accept the notion that your sex life and sexual preference are no one else’s business other than your own. You don’t need to “come out” to anyone (other than the people you’re attracted to and want to have relationships with) if you don’t want to - accept yourself for what you are, treat others as you’d like to be treated, and you can’t go too wrong. I’m not suggesting that you feel as if your sexuality is some deep, dark, dirty secret - it isn’t. It is a deeply personal part of you, but it is only one part of you.

My .02.

The Bisexual will allways win, if he’s prepared :slight_smile:

As for the OP, don’t sweat the details, what people call you and what you call yourself is of little real importance. Love whomever you love, pay no head to the others.

I dislike this dichotomy, immensely. It lumps everybody into the “right” or “straight” and the “not right” or “not straight” categories. So are we talking like “a single drop of Negro blood” here to define who is and isn’t “queer”?

I can’t say how disappointed I am that this is not a “Superman vs. Wolverine”-type thread.

However, does it really matter if you’re not sure what you are? Why do you need to know? Things may change as you get older: they haven’t for me so far, but I’ve had gay friends who’ve later re-classified themselves as bi, or bi friends who’ve actually figured out that they’re more attracted to one specific sex or more likely to develop relationships with one sex, so have changed the manner in which they define their sexuality. I’ve slept with women and it’s only reinforced for me precisely how queer I am, but I know people who have introduced themselves to a different sexuality late in life and taken to it like a duck to water. Just go with what you feel at the moment. Shouldn’t be a biggie if you ever decide you need a change.

Thread title implied a Tag-Team Celebrity Death Match between:
Boy George / Elton John / George Michael & KD Lang
Mick Jagger / David Bowie / Lou Reed & Courtney Love.

As advised by other posters:
Just identify yourself as an individual
There’s no need to self-label yourself
Live, enjoy and experience - Don’t analyze, ponder and question
Just be.

Personally I’m not defining anyone. Not sure what’s got your dudgeon up exactly.

I knew I was gay at 16, but some people don’t know what they are at 30.

Give it time. It’s not something that takes a lot of deduction; when you know, you’ll know.

Whoever you do, though, remember to be safe and sane.