Geez, there are a TON of really crappy heavy metal videos out there

Cafe Society
1

I was watching VH-1 Classic, which seems to be the only VH-1 channel that actually shows videos anymore and they were having a Metal Mania hour and it was chock full of one horrible metal video after another. I mean truly awful, with less then no redeeming features.

You would think that the bands would have watched the finished product and realized how utterly lame and stupid they looked and demanded to reshoot the damn thing, but I guess they were all off snorting cocaine and getting BJ’s.:rolleyes:

But then again, maybe I’ve been spoiled by Bon Jovi, and Guns N’ Roses.:smiley:

2

For those old enough to remember, the 80s were famous for ‘hair metal’ band videos. They generally consisted of shots of:

  1. band members rockin

  2. hot chicks bumping and grinding on
    a) sports cars
    b) stripper polls
    c) under a water sprinkler
    …while wearing…
    a) bikini
    b) professional uniform (nurse, waitress)
    c) schoolteacher outfit

  3. band members hanging out with hot chicks

  4. all this set on
    a) onstage
    b) a stripclub
    c) the beach

  5. Later as hairband videos got more “serious” some sort of story was interwoven into the video. The story was usually about:
    a) Teenage rebellion
    b) Substance abuse
    c) Trailer parks

Some may say the hair band video empire reached its apex during the release of G&Rs “Use Your Illusion Video Trilogy” (Don’t Cry, November Rain, Estranged), just before “Alternative” music hit the scene and displaced all the fun and cheesy rock videos with artsy goatee wearing brooding slackers from Seatle.

Now the only place to get your daily fix of music video booty is hip-hop and Britney Spears videos.

Anyhow, that’s my thesis on crappy metal videos.

3

Nowadays the equivalent would be alternative/nu-metal videos:

  1. Piercings. Preferably prominent and scary. Either that or some form of body adornment that would get most of us the sack!

  2. Longing for a beautiful woman with the implication that she’s out of your league/you had her and lost her.

  3. Crowds of angst-ridden rebellious yoofs moshing furiously around the band.

4

Ah, who can forget the Scorpions, “Rock you like a Hurricane”?

Band members and hot chix behind bars with guitars. A seminal cheesy metal video.

5

I have to disagree. I still say the hip-hop Puff Daddy videos are the equivalent. While the new metal videos are MUSICALLY similar, the rap stuff captures the essence of the old Motley Crue video themes:
-Lots of half naked women
-Self agrandizement
-Extravagance

Basically, they just replaced long-haired good ole boys on Harleys and in Mustangs with strippers with gold chain wearin pimp hustlas in Humvees and Bentleys with…more strippers. And I like it.

6

Ah, I just meant it the sense of hackneyed cliches in videos, not specifically metal ones. The whole bling-bling video genre is definitely tiredly predictable.