Gender roles, cultural expectations, and all that jazz....

[Sam_Lowry]

@Sattua

To me, looking at it that way dilutes the point to non-existence. Of course she doesn’t know about things she has never heard of, and of course she is receiving pre-conceived notions about everything that other people introduce to her.

What I have observed is that she is effortlessly turned on by certain things and bored by others, including many stereotypically girly things. She isn’t liking princesses just because people told her she should, and she isn’t not-liking Lego because people have told her she shouldn’t like them.

I might not be making myself clear. And I’m not saying anything about your daughter in particular, since I don’t know her.

But some people make it sound like it’s an ingrained part of girls to play with dolls, and an ingrained part of boys to play with trucks. It’s very possible that it’s part of it, and that in some future utopia where everyone is absolutely equal, and there are no expected gender roles, that still more girls will want to play with dolls than boys do, and more boys will want to play with trucks than girls do. But it’s undeniable that there are still today gender expectations put on children, and certain toys given more often to girls or boys, and certain behavior encouraged or discouraged for girls or boys, whether conciously or subconsciously.

I think even sven’s quote from the other thread is apt, and I’ve heard other parents say similar things:

@even_sven

I have the opposite experience. I am a raving liberal, my family is as well, and we live in liberal Liberland. I thought raising a kid in a way not overly focused on gender would be easy. It’s not like I’ve banned pink or princesses or anything, but my plan was to keep a balance, and to have the “pink” be one option out of many.

I have been consistently bowled over by how strong and pervasive adults need to project gender on a baby. Strangers will scold me for not putting one of those stupid headbands on her so they can tell she’s a girl. Every retail establishment catering to kids looks like segregated facilities. 100% of the hand me downs I receive are pink. The random things people say to her about being a girl are almost unbelievable. It’s almost like a parody how much people are trying to shove this little baby into an identity she doesn’t even have a concept of yet.

I’ve read articles about how girls often do worse at math because they are expected to, because it’s a stereotype that girls are worse at math than boys. Here’s a recent article about it, about how parents may be passing down their anxiety about math to their children. I’m a female engineer, and I’ve always loved math and been very good at it, and I think partly it’s because both my mom and grandmother were math majors and it was never seen as scary to me. I’m sure if I was switched at birth and grew up raised by a mother who didn’t like math, I’d probably still be above average at it, but maybe not have gotten as good of grades, or not pursued it as far.

I’m probably rambling, but the expectations of gender roles is something I think about a lot. There’s nothing wrong with a girl liking pink and dolls and other girly things (or with a woman liking makeup and Sex and the City and other feminine things). I am bothered when people (not pointing out anyone in particular, just talking in general) expect girls or women to like the stereotypically female things, or act like it’s a natural inborn trait that they should like those things.