String theories are one option (albeit manifestly incomplete) to unify GR and QM, or integrate gravity into the Standard Model, but there are others (loop quantum gravity being the leading one); however, to date, none have made predictions that are falsifiable by any current or even conceptual means.
General Relativity postulates a plenum for spacetime described as the metric tensor in the Einstein field equations; that is to say, it describes the “shape” of spacetime in four dimensions just as a topographical map visually “describes” the contours and distances of a mountain range in three. This is all well and good until some wiseacre asks the question, “What is spacetime made of?”, the only answer to which is, “Shut up and do your problem set.” Unlike the batholith of the Sierra Mountains, we can’t see, touch, or otherwise directly measure spacetime except by its influence on other objects. If this sounds like some kind of con game where someone promises to turn your $10,000 investment into a million bucks in three months time, well, one couldn’t be blamed for feeling a little lead on. On the other hand, the calculations work insofar as we’re able to test them physically, which has been done to high precision in all but the most extreme conditions, so even if General Relativity is ultimately misleading about the underlying mechanic, it still adequately models physical behavior of mass in motion.
This does have the problem, however, of not really working with the other forces (electromagnetic, strong nuclear interactions, weak nuclear interactions), which are described and experimentally verified as quantized exchanges; that is to say, these forces are mediated by the exchange of particles of discrete energies. The electromagnetic force, for instance, is described by the exchange of real or virtual gauge bosons called photons as force carriers, and we know photons really exist because of the photoelectric effect and Compton scattering. The other forces are mediated by other gauge bosons (gluons, W and Z bosons). These exchanges allow interactions between leptons (like electrons) or quarks, but not between the two. There are theories that allow these particle exchanges to be described as fields (quantum electrodynamics or QED for electromagnetic and by extension electroweak interactions, and quantum chromodynamics or QCD for strong nuclear interactions) and thus be described in terms that work with Special Relativity.
We’re pretty confident that the tenets of QED are right, or at least on the right track, because the predictions made by the theory have been verified to a very, very high degree of precision. (Because of this, it is often referred to as the “crown jewel of modern physics.”) QCD, insofar as it is currently developed, has also provided very extensive and exacting predictions which have been experimentally verified. So by doing a little mathematical fudging we can describe these interactions as smeared out fields that distort an underlying plenum (again, of a type that we can’t directly experience) that reacts to electric or color charge in analogue to how spacetime reacts to mass. However, but no one has yet quite figured out how to describe these theories in concert with gravity for General Relativity, or indeed, with each other. (Unification of electroweak and strong interactions would be a Grand Unified Theory, or GUT.)
If we assume that these forces all work in the same general scheme, i.e. the distortions in their fields are due to quantized interactions between mediating particles, then it follows that distortions in spacetime from mass that “cause” gravity must be due to some kind of exchange of a different type of gauge boson, dubbed the “graviton”. Like other gauge bosons, gravitons don’t directly interact with bosons of other forces, at least not under normal conditions, and because gravity is a very weak, long range force, it is extremely difficult to find any direct evidence of them; in fact, it is impossible, by any means conceived, to detect the action of a single graviton. (On the other hand, your eyes can easily detect the absorption of a single photon.) And attempts to describe gravity as exchanges of quantized particles (quantum gravity) have run into substantial problems; as time314 says, the theory is nonrenormalizable, and so you end up with infinities that don’t cancel out, giving nonsensical results.
How to deal with this? The Standard Model predicts that there is a more fundamental gauge boson, called the Higgs boson, which mediates reactions between other gauge bosons (including, oddly, itself), and an invariant field called the Higgs field that gives the property of inertial mass to fundamental particles. So gravitons may just be an exchange between areas of this field where distortions that create mass exist. This would unify all forces under a single mechanic, albeit one that is “broken” into seperate, non-interacting forces except at very high energy levels.
So, to directly address the questions posed by the o.p., gravity is a fundamental force because it involves interactions between fundamental particles, i.e. all particles with mass. Gravitons are postulated so that the force works in the same manner as the (mostly) verified quantum theories of the other forces do, and thus gives an ability to relate all fundamental forces together into one unified mechanic. And gravitatons “exchange” the force, resulting in attraction between massy objects. This can be alternatively (and more easily) represented as distortions in the underlying spacetime, but we don’t really know what that is other than something that gets distorted in the presence of mass, which is a bit like answering a question by asking the same question in response, which is the sort of thing that so annoys critics of playwrite David Mamet. So, while that really answers any of your questions in a definitive way, it is about the best that the present state of physics can manage.
Stranger