As a new parent (and therefore MASSIVELY ENTITLED, of course, because my daughter shits rainbows), this thread is hilarious. Last year, I’d absolutely be “Do not ever ever EVER put baby’s ass on the table!” But – and this is probably hard to believe if you don’t have first-hand experience – baby’s clothed, diapered ass is really no different in terms of cleanliness than, say, your adult elbow. I won’t go so as far as Dio to say that blowouts won’t happen, but they seem to be much rarer than one might expect, so really the possibility of clothed, diapered ass leading to shit on the table is very, almost vanishingly small.
You retort that there’s really no reason to put baby’s ass on the table. I generally agree with you, but I wouldn’t swear that I haven’t done it, probably to wipe off baby’s nose (with a Kleenex, followed by a lengthy, city block quarantine-level cleanup afterwards, of course, so unwad those panties). It’s really, truly not the end of the world if it does happen. If you see it and you can’t shrug and go back to eating your rat-shit laced food, then ask someone to clean it for you. Or patronize elsewhere. Meh.
ETA: Put me down in the “I don’t see kids out wearing diapers without some sort of covering between the diaper and the outside world.” I’m not saying you’re not going to find it, but something like 98+% of babies out there have on some sort of shorts, pants, bloomers, onesie, etc.
You forgot the in between action, where the adult washes their hands after touching the pants and before touching the table. Besides, when I wipe after using the toilet, I use paper, not my hands, so the combination of that and washing up makes it much less likely that there will be any poop germs on my hands. Comparing that to a diaper that could leak? Silly.
When you post to a public board, any inane thing you say is said to everyone. And it is what you said - you are the second parent in this thread alone to say or imply that having kids proves that you are a winner. Which is bizarre.
Proving yet again that having children seems to rot the brain. For one thing, we are talking about those who put diaper-only kids on tables, but for the other - you are wrong. My elbow has zero chance of leaking shit; there have been several anecdotes in here about leaking diapers, even thru clothes. Therefore, you baby’s clothed, diapered ass is potentially far less clean than my elbow.
And yes, I do have experience since I changed diapers on two boys from birth to toilet training.
Whatever the odds are, there is no reason at all to put the rest of the world at risk simply to make life a little easier for you. You chose to have the kid - you have no right to put the rest of us at risk just because you are lazy and feel entitled to make the rest of the world revolve around you. There is just no reason to have anyone’s ass on a table, and when you add in a diaper it just makes it infinitely worse.
Not where I live, during the summer. They aren’t common in restaurants, but they are in fast food joints.
I noticed that your location is “In Florida, not a dude”. Interesting to see someone whose gender is conditional upon geography! In which states are you a dude, out of curiosity?
Not every time. ZOMG there’s a non-zero chance for beshitted germs on the tables from ADULTS too??? Never in a million years would I have ever thought that germs could come from anywhere but babies’ backsides.
Man, I’ve got to know your secret. You don’t use your hands to wipe? Which of the three seashells did you use?
“Potentially” far less clean? Man, that’s a hell of a convincing stand you’re taking. I’m sure we could dig up several anecdotes about nasty shit (including but not limited to actual shit) ending up on tables that has sweet fuckall to do with babies. Who wins? Do we count the number of anecdotes and see which side can wrangle up more? Besides, you’ve already had myself, Dio, Hentor, and Rand Rover (at least, and that’s an unlikely pairing of allies) saying that baby diapers are pretty goddamned resilient. Do we win, since I only recall two or three diaper-shitthrough anecdotes in this thread?
Maybe your boys are, literally, King Shit, and if they were constantly overflowing with feces I probably wouldn’t let them out of the house. My kid – and apparently Dio’s, Hentor’s, RR’s, etc. – are far less vociferous. To extrapolate to “Every kid is a ticking TIME BOMB of SHIT just waiting to go off at any second and KILL EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT” seems a little extreme.
“The rest of the world at risk”? I guess I should have said “KILL EVERYONE IN THE WORLD” above. And besides, I have a perfectly good reason – it’s easier and safer (sometimes, depends on the situation) for me to utilize the stable table ledge than, say, my full lap or a wobbly chair or a slanty bench or a high-traffic floor to do what I need to do, and the “reason” you’ve offered for why I shouldn’t – that it will, your words, “put the rest of the world at risk” is… ahh… not especially compelling.
What in the fuck does choice have to do with anything? Do people who accidentally get knocked up get a pass to Ass the table all they want?
I have every right in the world, until it becomes illegal or I get kicked out. The same way people have every right in the world to smoke in restaurants unless it has been declared illegal. The same way you have the right to be a whiny, overreactive bitch who probably (I hope, at least, because it’d be funny) has nightmares about floods of shit overwhelming her.
I haven’t found the state where I’m a dude yet, only about 40 left to try!
[sub] Boring answer: I got tired of being called dude and we don’t have anyplace else to list gender so I just tacked it on to my existing location. [/sub]
So many are harping on E. coli from the diapered baby, yet many (if not the majority) adults have staph germs on them (your elbow too); I’d be more concerned in general about all “human” contact on my table.
Again, use your trays and none of this is an issue.
:rolleyes: Apparently having a child makes the brain disappear.
No, I use toilet paper, enough that I am not faced with having to use my hand skin to wipe with.
I was giving you the benefit of the doubt that there are parents out there that do not ignore a shitty diaper and therefore would be much less likely to plant a kid on a table that would be likely to leak. However, since there is a metric tonne of parents out there who can barely get a diaper on their kids, much less change it promptly, there are also “potentially” many times when a shitty diaper is on the kid sitting on the table. As a restaurant patron, I shouldn’t have to be put in the position of wondering which sort of parent has the kid on the table - one that is merely entitled, or one that is entitled and sloppy?
And I’m quite sure that it would be the parents that would lead the charge to oust those who, say, put their feet up on the table, dance on the tables, or whatever it is that you have in mind. As we have said many times in this thread, no asses belong on tables, and neither do feet or whatever.
More entitlement. “Winning” isn’t the goal you know.
Where did you get the idea that they had “constantly overflowing” diapers? Simply because I had enough manners to not sit them on tables? Wild exaggeration isn’t helping your position you know.
I have never said that. Has anyone else?
None of that is a good reason, much less a perfect one. All it proves is you are lazy, since mothers all over the country manage to do whatever it is you are doing without having to sit their kids on a table. As for the risk, there is more risk that your kid’s diaper will contain germs that will make others very ill than on the hands of the average person who just used the restroom. Depending on where I’ve been walking, the bottoms of my shoes could be cleaner, but I would never walk on a table.
Are you really that dumb or just pretending? You chose to have (and keep) the kid - whether or not the pregnancy was an accident is immaterial. Therefore, taking care of that kid without becoming a burden to the rest of the world is your responsibility. You also are responsible for teaching your kid manners, which includes not sitting on tables and being considerate of others’ feelings.
Oh lord, is that really how you feel? Did you know that the college students down the street have the right to have a loud party every night until whatever time of night it becomes illegal? Did you know that in my city it’s legal to fire up your leafblower at 7 am? Did you know that it wouldn’t be illegal for me to let my dog bark under your kid’s window until 10 pm? I bet you’d love it if the only times you could assume it would be quiet enough for your kid to nap was between 10 pm and 7 am.
But, you know, people who are interested in getting along don’t do these things - well, maybe the college kids do for awhile, but then they grow up. But people like you never do - it’s easier for you to sit a diaper on a table so you are going to do it and to hell with how a large percentage of those watching you feel about it. You simply do not have the (moral) right to be a lazy entitled bitch any more than I have the (moral) right to allow my dogs to bark continually during the legal time frame. And in my case, we are just talking noise - in your kid’s diaper we could easily be talking e coli or campy. That you feel you have the right to risk giving one or both of those to others just proves once again the sort of person you are.
This zinger wasn’t especially clever the first time. I have no idea why you think repeating it will make it funnier. But ya never know, maybe we’ll all have a good laugh when you bust it out the third or fourth time.
Is this really the sort of thing you worry about? What a sad, sad life you lead.
Look, I’ll make it simple for you. I’ll even underline it so maybe you’ll, you know, read it. There’s no risk that you’ll get E. coli or Campy or Crypto or WTFE from a baby sitting on a table. You assert otherwise, but you’ve offered nothing other than the paranoid shit in your head to back it up. That makes you kind of a crazy person. It’s fine, I guess, it’s who you are – the person who worries about stuff that absolutely deserves not even an iota of worry. But when you force your mentally imbalanced fears on the rest of us, you change from a weirdo to a bitch.
See? This is the shit I’m talking about that you’re just flat out pulling out of your ass. And I assure you, it’s not at all convincing.
Holy fucking shit you win the prize for dumb. If that stuff is all legal – and it is – what right do you have to say that, even so, people shouldn’t do it? Just because you want them to have “manners” and not do it? (Remind me, you’re contending that the world revolves around me or you? I thought you were saying that it revolves around me, but I’m not the one freaking the fuck out about parties and barking dogs). You think there’s some sort of moral imperative about when one has to stop using a leafblower? Really? That is Sarah Palin-level retarded stuff there, lady.
I don’t care! It’s a restaurant! Everyone’s asses should be kept off the tables! Just keep your ass and your baby’s ass and your friend’s ass off the goddamn tables!
Please don’t require me to make this simple and polite request again!
Keepyourassoffthetables! !! Keep! Your! and your baby’s ass! Off! the goldamn tables!!!
It’s not a zinger, it’s an observation. I’m sorry if I repeated myself, since I hate that, but I am constantly amazed at what happens to people who get baby brain.
Worrying about shit on my table makes for a sad sad life? Well, I guess I have a lot of company anyway.
You simply cannot know that, unless you are following all diapered kids around and testing each one of their shits, since it’s been shown in here that babies leak out of their diapers. Since I live approximately 100 miles from a third world country, which sends tons of their people over the border and into my city at all times, it is not at all unreasonable to be concerned about what sorts of germs might be out there. Since 99% of the people don’t put their feet on the tables, and 99% of the adult don’t sit on the tables, the only real vector are the diapered asses. Diapered asses that are only there because their parents are lazy and entitled.
Are you even reading the thread? You sound like you think that I am the only one who has a problem with you sitting something babies are supposed to shit in on a restaurant table.
So, the answer to my question is that you would have no problem with the next door neighbor’s dog barking under your babies window from 7 am to 10 pm, and then the college students on the other side partying until 2 am? All of that is legal, none of it is conductive to good society. Nice people try not to impose on others around them - I see that lesson went right over your head when you were in grade school.
Well, all right, since you asked so nicely and calmly
But seriously, if you admit that there’s no “risk” with having a clothed, diapered baby ass on the table but you just don’t care – you just don’t like it, then it seems to me that the whole shebang can be appropriately called a pet peeve of yours. Respecting others’ pet peeves doesn’t exactly carry the force of law.
Bill Frist, is that you? Man, you’ve gone from diagnosing brain damage via video to diagnosing brain damage via message board. That’s pretty damned impressive.
Let me put it to you this way – worrying about pigeon shit on a picnic table is normal, because it’s a fairly common occurrence. Worrying about shit on a fast food table, because (a) there might have been a baby sitting on it AND (b) the baby might have had a poorly fit diaper AND (c) the diaper might have been shit-laden AND (d) the diaper might have leaked AND (e) it wasn’t cleaned up… yeah, that’s pretty fucking pathetic.
Sorry, sweetcheeks (heh), that’s not how the game is played, ever since about the time of the Ancient Greeks. If this thread were titled “Dammit, let me put my baby’s ass on the table” then it would be up to the OP and his/her allies to explain why. But instead the claim has been made – and espoused by you – that there’s something dangerous about sitting a baby on a table ledge. Fucking prove it or just admit that you’re paranoid. Thems your two options.
Of course I’d have a problem with dogs barking or college kids waking me up. I also don’t like that my fat elderly neighbor cuts his lawn in a wifebeater and short shorts instead of hiring a bevy of big-tittied topless women to do it for him in between calisthenics exercises. What you seem to fail to grasp is that my wants – and especially YOUR wants (thank Buddha) – don’t trump anyone else’s. That includes my neighbor mowing the lawn how he wants as well as your paranoid belief that a baby sitting on a table ledge “puts the entire world at risk.”
