A friend and his wife are interested in getting their baby baptized/christened. The father is not very religious, and his only requirement seems to be that it is not a catholic ceremony. His wife also agrees with the basic idea. She happens to be catholic, but for unknown reasons, she does not want to go the catholic route.
So I ask you all. Is there a standard way to go about this?
How much money is involved, and when does the “offer” of money pass from the parents to the church?
do the parents have to join the church?
Any other insight would be helpful!
I assume there will be an up-front meet-amd greet with the pastor/minister, but don’t know that for sure.
It depends on the church and denomination they pick. It doesn’t just break down by Catholic and ‘OTHER’ (Protestants don’t like it when other people think that way).
In the Episcopal Church, it is expected that the parents attend church regularly for at least a few months before the Christening. That is a good guideline for any church. It isn’t polite just to show up, demand a Christening ceremony and then leave. The parents don’t have to officially join the church but that doesn’t mean much anyway. You join mostly by claiming you are a member and there aren’t many official requirements for already Christened adults.
Meeting with the Minister or Priest beforehand is usually required but brief. Christening have to be scheduled and listed in the bulletin plus there are some simple directions the parents need to follow.
I am not sure what the deal is with money. In the Episcopal and Methodist churches that I am familiar with, it is free except for what relatives want to put in the offering plate. Money isn’t an official part of it.
Other denominations are slightly different but that is generally the way it works.
Each protestant denomination has different rules or doctrines governing baptisms. The baptism is sacrament that can have symbolic and spiritual meaning, not only to the persons being baptized but also to the congregation under which spiritual care the person being baptized will be under. Many do not permit infant baptisms at all, while many others do.
Typically infant baptisms are performed for children of members of the church to symbolize the congregations acknowledgement of the watchcare over the childs spiritual growth. Your friends should pick a church or two and make an appointment to meet with someone on the ministerial staff to discuss their desire to have their child baptised. As I mentioned each denomination will have different rules/doctrines governing it.
Baptist, Pentecostal, Assembly of God, Church of Christ and most non-denominational churches do not perform infant baptisms. They should start looking at Episcopal, Methodist, or Presbyterian, who do perform infant baptisms.
If the mother is a Catholic, it seems very odd for her not to want her baby baptised in a Catholic church. Is she not going regularly to Mass? If she’s not, why do they want the baby baptised at all? In all Christian denominations, including all that practise infant baptism, there is no problem at all about adult baptism: if you aren’t baptised as an infant, and later decide that you do want to join a church, you can just go to a priest or minister and say you want to be baptised: the priest or minister will be very happy to do it, unless you appear insincere about it.
Lutheran churches also perform infant baptism, but they are also usually very strict about limiting church sacraments like baptism and communion to actual members.
The parents most likely would have to attend classes (adult confirmation) to affirm that they agree with and believe the basic tenents of the church in question. There is then a church ceremony (usually) confirming membership for the parents. Then they have to attend services regularly for a time, then request that the church in question schedule a baptismal service for the child in question, picking godparents from church-approved persons (usual godparents are the people who helped the parents study for their own membership, or elder members of the church in good standing) and avowing their intentions as parents to raise the child in the faith and have the child confirmed (become a member) when it reaches 12-13 years old.
This is a lot of stuff, and depending on the parents, they may not want to go through all that (not to mention promising and vowing things they don’t actually care for) just for a baptismal service.
On the other hand (and this may not fly with the OPs family in question) usually UU (universalist unitarian) churches are very open-minded and willing to perform ceremonies for people which they may not be able to get at other churches. Depending on the UU in question, they may not even have to show interest in the church community or congregation.
However, they also tend to have members (and clergy) who are often not Christian - the one in my community has a Hindu pastor, many atheist members, and a really strong wiccan/Craft contingent. Dunno if that would skeeve your family off or not.
I’m extremely confused why someone who’s not religious would want the baby baptized. Is this due to pressure from a mother-in-law or something? The whole point of a baptism is to confirm the parents’ faith in a particular religion and to bring the new baby into that same faith. If the parents aren’t religious, what faith is there to confirm?
My wife and I are pretty sure her aunt called a priest in to baptize the kids when she was babysitting one time. Since we don’t recognize the religious aspect of the process, we couldn’t care less.
At my goddaughter’s baptism the priest made sure to hit me with a big splash of holy water at the end of the ceremony where I think he was doing some kind of symbolic sprinkling of the congregation. I don’t know if that was intended to be a baptism or an exorcism.
Seems to me if you have faith, giving the kid a bath should do the job.
IANA religious scholar, but isn’t the point to wash away original sin? You know the sins of the father that the children aren’t supposed to suffer for.
Add the Disciples of Christ denomination to that last. Their point of view is that baptism should be chosen or agreed to by the baptizee, when they’re old enough to know what’s going on. But different churches/denominations have different ideas about the meaning, significance, and effect of baptism.
Are they only interested in Christian ceremonies? If not, if what they want is a blessing for their baby and a welcoming into Life, their family and community, you can look to the neopagan community for plenty of willing Priest/esses. Depending on who they are and their background, most of us are happy to work closely with the parents to determine what the ceremony should look like and include, and we tend to be very flexible about these things, not having a whole lot of dogma to constrain us. I’m just as capable and willing to call on Jesus for a blessing as I am Athena, for example.
Most of us don’t charge much, if at all. We do it because it’s a calling, not because we’re making money at it. I usually do it for free for people I know personally, and for people I don’t know: gas money and maybe lunch if there’s a reception.
Witchvoxhas a decent directory of pagan clergy. If they happen to live in Chicagoland, feel free to PM me and I’d be happy to email or talk to them more about it.
Mrs Piper is RC, but has certain issues with that church in relation to things like ordination of women. We both wanted the Piper Cub baptised, and she was quite agreeable to having it done Anglican: Catholic, but not RC.
What Shaganasty said sums up our experience: we started attending more regularly at the local cathedral a couple of months prior to the baptism, and all of the parents/munchkins who were lined up for the ceremony had a meeting with the Dean the week before the baptism, for him to explain the significance and the church’s views on baptism.
There was no fee - it’s a sacrament of the church, and no money is required for sacraments.
A Unitarian Universalist minister will do a naming ceremony in their church for the new baby of a church member, but I seriously doubt that they would perform a “christening”, e.g. mentioning washing away original sin and/or receiving the word of the lord. I think the best bet would be to find a family member who is a church-goer and have them arrange the ceremony.
You find someone who believes that sprinkling a few drops of ordinary H[sub]2[/sub]O on someone and reciting some special incantations will cause supernatural things to happen that cannot be detected.
This is my understanding, too. Get a cup of water (holy water if you can get it, but even that’s not absolutely mandatory), hold the baby horizontally, and spill a little water upon the top of his head three times while saying “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” The water and the name of the Trinity are the two essential ingredients.
NB: perhaps needless to say, this DIY-style is not the preferred method, but is regarded as a viable emergency option–e.g., in cases where it’s not safe or possible to get the kid to a priest. The sacrament of baptism is thought to represent that individual’s introduction to the community of the Church (as well as a cleansing of the soul of Original Sin), so it’s preferred to have the ceremony conducted at a church, with godparents, family, and sometimes the whole congregation present to witness it.
Nevertheless, it is true that the sacrament of baptism is one of the two sacraments in the Catholic Church that need not be administered by a priest (the other one being marriage).
Thank you all so much for the suggestions provided in this thread. I made a phone call to my friend after reading this and asked him a few questions that I hope will help.
They are leaning toward a Presbyterian baptism, since this is what the father was baptized as. I am going to give them a list of the other suggestions given in here, because I don’t know if they know (I certainly didn’t) about the other choices available to them besides Catholic and everything else (from a Christians POV).
He wouldn’t give me very many details on what is wrong with the Catholic Church or his wife’s opposition to it. I didn’t get a sense that prying was desired, so I didn’t push it. I guess that’s personal and I certainly understand. However, this is a very important thing for her to have done for their child. My friend does not have a problem with his child being baptized - as he said to me, he “was baptized, doesn’t remember it at all, and figures if there is anything to this dogma and it will make his wife happy, no problem.” I also get the impression that if his child at some point decides to do this as an adult, so be it. But making sure the child is baptized until that point seems to be an obligation the mother does not take lightly.
I don’t think the stranger splashing the baby with water will work. The mother knows catholic procedure rather well, and would be able to sniff out a fake ceremony. WhyNot, thank you for your generous offer. The baby is not in the Chicago area, but I will forward your link along. Perhaps that will provide an alternative they have not considered.
As far as fees go, that was something the wife mentioned. Perhaps the catholic church expects a fee, or “donation” to the church for the services.
